AOL’s instant messenger (AIM) program self-installed two new "buddies" on my buddy list under the heading "AOL BOTS". My new buddies are named "MovieFone" and "ShoppingBuddy".
Well, I figured if they are new buddies of mine, I better get to know them. So, armed with a virtual giftbasket, I started an online chat with my new online pal, ShoppingBuddy. Below is the actual transcript; nothing has been altered, except for minor formatting.
KenNoPony (8:38:31 PM): Who are you?
ShoppingBuddy (8:38:32 PM): Welcome. Now you can search for products with AOLShopping. Type main to get started. To read our privacy policy, type privacy anytime.
KenNoPony (8:38:46 PM): Exactly how did you get on my buddy list?
ShoppingBuddy (8:38:46 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:38:46 PM): – Search results for buddy list
– Ty Beanie Buddy Gifts the Bear Pr [$8.99]
Here are some related categories: 1. Puppets & Plush Toys, 2. Toys & Games, etc. Type in the number to use the related category.
KenNoPony (8:39:17 PM): No, I don’t want to buy anything. I just want to know why you are on my buddy list.
ShoppingBuddy (8:39:17 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:39:17 PM): I didn’t find any good matches 4 U but may I ask you a question?
KenNoPony (8:39:22 PM): Okay
ShoppingBuddy (8:39:23 PM): OK. Let’s see if I can help. Who are you shopping for?
1 — Myself
2 — Someone ElseKenNoPony (8:39:43 PM): I’m not shopping for anybody. I just want to know why you are on my buddy list.
ShoppingBuddy (8:39:43 PM): Ok, so which category do you need?
1 – Men’s
2 – Women’s
3 – Boy’s
4 – Girl’s
5 – BabiesKenNoPony (8:40:11 PM): I don’t need anything, thank you. Except the answer to my question. How did you end up on my buffy list?
ShoppingBuddy (8:40:11 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:40:11 PM): I didn’t find any specific products. Try searching again or type M for the Main Menu.
KenNoPony (8:40:32 PM): Look, tell me now or I will report you to AOL.
ShoppingBuddy (8:40:33 PM): good
KenNoPony (8:40:46 PM): Oh, gettin’ wise with me?
ShoppingBuddy (8:40:46 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:40:46 PM): – Search results for Oh gettin wise
– Gettin Wise * [$11.85 – $14.98]
Here are some related categories: 1. Rock & Pop Music, 2. Music, etc. Type in the number to use the related category.
KenNoPony (8:41:20 PM): You’re doing it again. Okay. Let me ask you — how do I remove you from my buddy list?
ShoppingBuddy (8:41:21 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:41:21 PM): I didn’t find any good matches 4 U but may I ask you a question?
KenNoPony (8:41:38 PM): *sigh* Fine. What?
ShoppingBuddy (8:41:38 PM): Who are you shopping 4? 😉
1 — Myself
2 — Someone ElseKenNoPony (8:42:15 PM): Do you have short term memory problems?!? I already SAID!!! I’m not shopping for anybody!!!
ShoppingBuddy (8:42:15 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:42:15 PM): I didn’t find any good matches 4 U but may I ask you a question?
KenNoPony (8:42:24 PM): WHAT?!?
ShoppingBuddy (8:42:24 PM): Want to give a memorable gift this holiday season?
KenNoPony (8:42:39 PM): Well, sure, I suppose. I mean, who doesn’t?
ShoppingBuddy (8:42:39 PM): OK, this is really cool — check out the GAP Photo GiftCard.
Would you like more ideas like this one?
Y = Yes
N = NOKenNoPony (8:43:19 PM): You say it’s really cool, but why should I listen to you? I don’t know who you are!!!
ShoppingBuddy (8:43:19 PM): Check out these ideas from that’ll help you make your gifts more special at Gap HowToGive.
Type M to get back to the main menu.
KenNoPony (8:43:29 PM): What menu?
ShoppingBuddy (8:43:30 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:43:30 PM): – Search results for menu
– General Binding Company – Laminat [$33.25]– GBC H300 Laminator [$206.25]– Le Menu Chef Picture – Vins Pictu [$149.99]– Panasonic NN-H965 Countertop Micr [$109.85 – $159.95]– Panasonic NNT965 Countertop Micro [$123.92 – $169.95]– Panasonic NN-T888S 1.1 CuFt Count [$374.99 – $489.99]– Prime Rib Menu: Serves 2 [$35.99]– PANASONIC NNT695SF Coutnertop Mic [$129.95 – $129.99]– Plate, Glass, "Soho", Square, 10- [$3.75]
Here are some related categories: 1. Artwork & Posters, 2. Cooking Books, 3. Microwave Ovens, 4. Laminating Machines, 5. Bedding, etc. Type in the number to use the related category.
KenNoPony (8:44:05 PM): No, I don’t want to BUY a menu!! I just want to know what menu you were referring to!!!
ShoppingBuddy (8:44:05 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:44:05 PM): I didn’t find any specific products. Try searching again or type M for the Main Menu.
KenNoPony (8:44:43 PM): Look, I’m happy to type M, if you will tell me what the point of all this is!!
ShoppingBuddy (8:44:43 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:44:43 PM): I didn’t find any good matches 4 U but may I ask you a question?
KenNoPony (8:44:50 PM): What is it?
ShoppingBuddy (8:44:51 PM): OK. Who are you still shopping for?
1 — Myself
2 — Someone ElseKenNoPony (8:46:10 PM): >:o I’m not shopping for anybody!!! I just clicked on your name, because you showed up on my buddy list for no reason at all!!! Do you understand me? Type "Y" for yes, and "N" for no.
ShoppingBuddy (8:46:10 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:46:10 PM): I didn’t find any good matches 4 U but may I ask you a question?
KenNoPony (8:46:15 PM): No.
ShoppingBuddy (8:46:15 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:46:15 PM): I didn’t find any good matches 4 U but may I ask you a question?
KenNoPony (8:46:22 PM): No
ShoppingBuddy (8:46:22 PM): O.K. then. Well, have a happy holiday in any case.
KenNoPony (8:46:35 PM): I’ll try.
ShoppingBuddy (8:46:36 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:46:36 PM): – Search results for try
– Pioneer TS-A6991R 6 X 9 in 5-Way [$73.00 – $149.99]– Alpine Type-R SPR-17LS 6.5 in 2-W [$124.99 – $249.99]– Alpine Type-S SPS-170A 6.5 in 6.7 [$54.99 – $99.99]– Infinity Kappa 693.7I 2-Way 3-Way [$159.99 – $249.99]– Sony XS-V6941H 6 X 9 in 4-Way Spe [$54.55 – $99.99]– Pioneer TS-A6870R 6 x 8 in 3-Way [$44.99 – $80.00]– Boston Acoustics PRO60 Speaker [$389.99 – $599.99]– Infinity 6012i 2-Way Speaker [$64.99 – $99.99]– Alpine Type-S SPS-171A 6.5 in Com [$104.99 – $199.99]
Here are some related categories: 1. Car Speakers, 2. Electronics, etc. Type in the number to use the related category.
KenNoPony (8:46:56 PM): GO AWAY!!
ShoppingBuddy (8:46:56 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:46:57 PM): – Search results for AWAY
– Kingdom Hearts 2 [$42.99 – $54.95]– WWE : Smackdown vs Raw 2006 [$42.99 – $49.99]– Need for Speed: Most Wanted [$36.99 – $59.99]– WWE : Smackdown vs Raw 2 [$36.95 – $42.99]– Star Wars: Battlefront II [$39.49 – $49.99]– Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Spe [$29.99 – $49.99]– Kameo: Elements of Power [$44.95 – $50.85]– Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City St [$42.99 – $52.99]– Dance Dance Revolution Mario Mix [$42.99 – $70.58]
Narrow your search by adding ESRB (ex.: RP), Price, Product Type (ex.: Action) and/or Platform (ex.: PS2)
KenNoPony (8:47:02 PM): STOP IT!
ShoppingBuddy (8:47:02 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:47:02 PM): I didn’t find any specific products. Try searching again or type M for the Main Menu.
KenNoPony (8:47:34 PM): I’m going to click the "warn" button, and then AOL will knock your ass!!
ShoppingBuddy (8:47:34 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:47:34 PM): I didn’t find any good matches 4 U but may I ask you a question?
KenNoPony (8:47:40 PM): Okay
ShoppingBuddy (8:47:40 PM): Still wondering what to get for someone special?
KenNoPony (8:47:50 PM): I wasn’t wondering before.
ShoppingBuddy (8:47:50 PM): Oh well. Never mind then. Type, M.
KenNoPony (8:48:04 PM): Fine. M. Happy now?
ShoppingBuddy (8:48:04 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:48:04 PM): – Search results for Fine Happy
– Anniversary Keepsake Plate [$17.32]– Lenox Happy [$30.00]
Narrow your search by adding Brand (ex.: Lenox), Price and/or Collectible Type (ex.: Plates)
KenNoPony (8:48:34 PM): That does it!!!! I’m hitting the "warn" button!!
ShoppingBuddy (8:48:34 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:48:34 PM): – Search results for hitting warn button
– Concave Wall Stop [$4.75]
Here are some related categories: 1. Home Hardware, 2. Home & Garden, etc. Type in the number to use the related category.
KenNoPony (8:48:48 PM): Hey, the "warn button" doesn’t work!
ShoppingBuddy (8:48:48 PM): Hello again. 😉
KenNoPony (8:49:05 PM): Look, please leave me alone. I beg you.
ShoppingBuddy (8:49:05 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:49:06 PM): – Search results for Look please leave beg
– The Holiday Express Animated Elec [$149.99]– Vincent Van Gogh 12oz Travel Mug [$14.95]– Beg For Mercy [ECD] [Edited] [$6.99 – $13.99]– Beg For Mercy [ECD] [PA] [$8.99 – $13.99]– Adventures in Reading Beg Sb by C [$4.99]– Arf! Beg! Catch! by Henry Horenst [$8.50]– Beg the Question by Bob Fingerman [$8.56]– Beg For Mercy [$24.00 – $27.35]– Beg, Borrow and Steal – VHS, DVD [$4.89 – $17.96]
Here are some related categories: 1. R&B, Hip Hop & Rap Music, 2. Sports & Fitness DVDs & Videos, 3. Heavy Metal Music, 4. Miscellaneous Music, 5. Toy Vehicles & Planes, etc. Type in the number to use the related category.
KenNoPony (8:49:34 PM): okay. I’ve had enough. Goodbye and good riddance!
ShoppingBuddy (8:49:34 PM): kewl.
KenNoPony (8:49:54 PM): yeah, kewl. What are you? Ten years old?
ShoppingBuddy (8:49:54 PM): Mm hm, now we are getting somwhere.
KenNoPony (8:50:02 PM): We are?
ShoppingBuddy (8:50:02 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:50:02 PM): I didn’t find any specific products. Try searching again or type M for the Main Menu.
KenNoPony (8:50:13 PM): Goodbye
ShoppingBuddy (8:50:13 PM): Come back any time — I never sleep and am here to help you shop.
KenNoPony (8:50:23 PM): That’s comforting
ShoppingBuddy (8:50:23 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:50:24 PM): – Search results for comforting
– King Wool Comforter Tropical [$280.00]– Silk Blankets and Throws – DreamS [$97.50]– Cal King Wool Comforter Tropical [$295.00]– Jurlique Arnica Cream 40ml/1.3oz [$30.50]– Perlier The Italian Experience [$19.85]– GOURMET AND FRUIT BASKET [$49.99]– Johnstons Bothy Herringbone Throw [$99.95]– Le Couvent des Minimes Honey and [$14.00]– Wool Comforter Tropical Twin XL [$255.00]
Here are some related categories: 1. Skin Care Products, 2. Bedding, 3. Candles & Accessories, 4. Gift Baskets, 5. Home Lighting, etc. Type in the number to use the related category.
KenNoPony (8:50:31 PM): Never mind
ShoppingBuddy (8:50:31 PM): OK, I’m searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec…
ShoppingBuddy (8:50:32 PM): – Search results for mind
– Reading Tarot Cards [$9.35 – $9.95]– The Book of Shadows [$9.74 – $10.86]– The Gay Wicca Book [$10.41 – $14.95]– Blink [$9.95 – $26.39]– The Temple Of Shamanic Witchcraft [$11.60 – $14.55]– Vampire Mountain [$3.53 – $11.10]– Astrology and Numerology in Medie [$99.00]– What the Bleep Do We Know!? [$16.90 – $18.76]– Daily Reflections for Highly Effe [$3.47 – $9.60]
Here are some related categories: 1. Body, Mind & Spirit Books, 2. Books & Magazines, etc. Type in the number to use the related category.
KenNoPony (8:50:52 PM): Hello, MovieFone?
MovieFone (8:50:52 PM): Hello. Start your search by typing any actor, director or film name and I’ll see if I can find anything playing.
KenNoPony (8:51:23 PM): Do you know this ShoppingBuddy guy? He’s a real asshole. Or maybe retarded.
MovieFone (8:51:23 PM): That’s unnecessary. Type, help.
======= Movie of the Week =======
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire – Movie SiteKenNoPony (8:51:36 PM): I know my language is unnecessary, but I couldn’t get him to stop!
MovieFone (8:51:36 PM): – Movies for Today
1 -P- I Went to the Dance
2 -P- But When do the Girls Get Here? (Ma quando arrivano le ragazze?)
3 -F- You Want Me to Kill Him?
4 -P- I Am Cuba
5 -F- I am Charlotte Simmons
6 -F- I Am Legend (2006)
7 -F- I Am Cuba, The Siberian Mammoth
8 -F- The Air I Breathe
9 -F- Awesome: I F*ckin’ Shot ThatType # next to movie to see showtimes, M to go back to the Main Menu or anything else to search again.
P=Past, N=New, S=Soon, F=Future
KenNoPony (8:51:43 PM): No, I don’t want to see a movie.
MovieFone (8:51:43 PM): – Movies for Today
1 -F- See No Evil
2 -F- You Want Me to Kill Him?Type # next to movie to see showtimes, M to go back to the Main Menu or anything else to search again.
P=Past, N=New, S=Soon, F=Future
KenNoPony (8:51:55 PM): Are you paying attention to me?
MovieFone (8:51:55 PM): – Movies for Today
1 -F- You Want Me to Kill Him?
2 -F- You, Me and Dupree
3 -F- Imagine Me and You
4 -P- Me and You and Everyone We Know
5 -S- Be Here To Love Me: A Film About Townes Van Zandt
6 -P- Come Away with Me (Vieni via con me)Type # next to movie to see showtimes, M to go back to the Main Menu or anything else to search again.
P=Past, N=New, S=Soon, F=Future
KenNoPony (8:52:01 PM): Bite me!
MovieFone (8:52:01 PM): – Movies for Today
1 -P- Come Away with Me (Vieni via con me)
2 -F- You Want Me to Kill Him?
3 -F- You, Me and Dupree
4 -P- Lie with Me
5 -F- Find Me Guilty
6 -P- Stand By Me
7 -P- Kiss Me Deadly
8 -F- Imagine Me and You
9 -P- Meet Me In St.Louis
10 -S- Be Here To Love Me: A Film About Townes Van Zandt
11 -P- Me and You and Everyone We KnowType # next to movie to see showtimes, M to go back to the Main Menu or anything else to search again.
KenNoPony (8:53:04 PM): Fuck you
MovieFone (8:53:04 PM): Interesting. Why don’t you try typing, help.
======= Movie of the Week =======
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire – Movie SiteKenNoPony (8:53:08 PM): Hrlp
MovieFone (8:53:08 PM): Pardon me? I tried to find movies and directors related to what you typed but didn’t have any luck. Can you try again?
======= Movie of the Week =======
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire – Movie SiteKenNoPony (8:53:14 PM): Help
MovieFone (8:53:14 PM): OK, this is how I work.
You can ask me about movies in a couple of ways:— Type part of the title of the movie & I’ll see if it’s playing in the USA
— Type an actor’s name and I’ll tell you everything playing with them in it
— Type a director and I’ll do the same.
Type more now.
======= Movie of the Week =======
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire – Movie SiteKenNoPony (8:53:20 PM): Go to hell. BOTH of you!!
MovieFone (8:53:20 PM): That’s rude. I’m here to help. Type, help if you ned it.
======= Movie of the Week =======
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire – Movie SiteP=Past, N=New, S=Soon, F=Future