Conservative columnist and pundit Ann Coulter:

"We need somebody to put rat poisoning in Justice Stevens’ creme brulee," Coulter said.

Wha?!?  Then Coulter added:

"That’s just a joke, for you in the media."

A joke.

Oh, I get it!!  Hahahahaha!!!!

Murdering a Supreme Court judge!  That’s hysterical!!!!  Hahahahahaha!  And it’s funny because it’s sooooo true!

Yup.  The no-longer-crack-addicted* and irony-impaired Coulter made this comment at Philander Smith College last night, in the context of  talking about the need to get more conservative Supreme Court justices on the bench in order to overturn Roe v. Wade.

Because killing fetuses is a travesty.  But killing an 85 year old man . . . that’s comedy, people!!!

Gee, Ann.  Can I try?  Ahem…

"We need somebody to inject the AIDS virus into the cold sanguine bloodstream of every crack-smoking, monkey-handed, attention-starved conservative blonde’s freakish stick-like body, while simultaneous filling her mouth with the excrement of a thousand hippos."

And then, and then, and then, when everyone starts laughing? Right?  That’s when I hit ’em with the tag line:

"No, I’m just kidding, y’all!!!"

BWWAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!  HEEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!!!!! Oh, man!!! Hahahahahahaha!  Whew!  Oh God.  *Wiping away tears*  Oh my.  Good times. Good times.

So … what do you think, Ann?  I know it’s a little derivative of your shtick, but I think it stands up pretty good on its own.  So can I join your comedy tour?  Huh?  Please, oh, please?!?

* Well, that’s what she said.**  Seriously.

**  Actually, that’s not what she said.  She said that her crack cocaine problem "has pretty much gone away".  "Pretty much" means that it hasn’t entirely gone away.***

*** Unless she was joking there, too