Kaye’s back again this week at Renew America, still griping about illegal immigrants (for the fourth week in a row).  She’s obviously tried to do some thinking about solutions.  Her latest opus is entitled "Just Where The Heck . . . Is The Back Of The Line?".

What kind of lousy fence do we have built alongside the border anyway?

Oh, dear.  Kaye is under the impression that there is an actual 2,000 mile fence along the entire U.S.-Mexican border.

The pictures I’ve seen of the fence and on television, reminds me of something made out of Teflon or tin — you know the type of fencing material a landfill may use to keep stray dogs out of the garbage.

Kaye wrote that sentence while looking out the window.

If the price to add 700 more miles of fencing is going to cost billions of dollars, somebody is getting ripped off!

Oh wait a minute . . . that’s us!

So you complain about the shitty (partial) fence, and then you complain about money being spent to build a more substantial one, Kaye.  Pick a gripe.

If the United States is as prosperous as we have been led to believe, surely we can afford a real fence or wall to keep masses of illegal immigrants from scaling over into America.

Kaye, you’ve got us thinking.  How much would it cost to build a fence on the U.S.-Mexican border?

We went to www.fencecenter.com to obtain an estimated quote for a fence running 2000 miles, or 10,560,000 feet. 

First of all, we weren’t sure what kind to get.  We ultimately decided to get a commercial-grade (rather than residential grade) steel ornamental fence, because it sounded like it would do the trick. 

We couldn’t decide whether we wanted it to be "classical style" or "majestic style", but we figured "Hey, we’re AMERICA.  Fuck, yeah!", and went with the "majestic".   Hope that didn’t add too much to the cost.

They let us choose the height — we went with the highest one (120 inches).  We don’t want those Mexicans to be able to, as Kaye puts it, "scale over into America", right? 

It’ll look like the picture at the left, except it’ll be 10 feet high.  And no trees and grass and stuff.

We got the kind with "3 rails" instead of "2 rails".  Don’t know why.  Guess we thought it would be more sturdy.  You know, in case some really strong Mexican decided he was going to bend the bars or something?

Anyway, here’s the cost estimate (click on it to enlarge):

So that fence is going to run us $ 713,856,060.83.  And that’s just for materials.  That doesn’t include shipping.  Or tax.  Or labor.  Or Haliburton skimming.

Okay.  Good to know.  Back to Kaye.

Right now, we have enough border patrols to guard one mile tract, per guard. By the time they get to one end and back, at least a thousand immigrants can crossover into America.

Especially if they were really small, and moved really fast.

There needs to be a guard stationed every few feet, if we are going to get tough on immigration violators.

Oh, crap.  More math.

Okay.  If we stationed a guard every, say, 12 feet along our 2,000 mile border, that amounts to 880,000 guards for every 8 hour shift, or a grand total 2,640,000 guards. 

Employing all those guards is going to cost a pretty penny.  Where can we find some cheap labor to fill all those positions?

Many members of our government keep saying that 12 million people should go to the back of the line and come through the proper channels to become U.S. citizens. Just where the heck is the back of the line? Can you imagine how long a line would be with that many people?

Bite me, Kaye.  We’re not going to do more math simply because you have a problem distinguishing between figurative speech and literal speech.

And can’t you just imagine how truthful illegal immigrants are going to be when they tell authorities how long they’ve been in America? There is no way to determine how long undocumented workers have been here — much less determine that they have passed the test to become U.S. citizens. They can say they’ve been here five to ten years. Who can dispute it?

Right.  That’s how it would work, Kaye.  We would literally line up 12,000,000 immigrants single file, and when they come to the table, we ask them how long they’ve been in this country. Then, we rearrange them in line based on their responses.  And then we start letting them in – first come, first served.

The Democrats are working overtime, trying to squeeze as many foreigners as they can into America, otherwise they have zero chance of returning to power. Why else would they be supporting a non citizen or felon voting right’s bill?

And not to be outdone, the Republicans are trying to dodge the real issue hoping to not alienate the Hispanic voters — so they won’t lose power. They would rather alienate millions of hard-working Americans instead.

Sounds like its a bi-partisan effort.

The United States does not owe any other country allegiance, and we are certainly not obligated to keep up a poor country, because their leaders are suppressing their people. The Mexicans should be protesting in Mexico against their government — not in America.

We’re keeping up Mexico by the influx of undocumented workers?

Before our leaders agreed to sign a free or fair trade agreement with other countries, there should have been a "fair wage" agreement mandated in the document or the signed document would be declared null and void.

And I should be paying $1.50 for gas.  Sadly, the world doesn’t work that way.

Senator Ted Kennedy said that it would take around $246 billion to deport 12 million people back to their country. That amount sounds far-fetched even if it is quoted by extremist Kennedy.

Senator Kennedy, I know gas prices are high, but $246 billion? Why not send them packing, and through the same route they used to enter America?

That’s right.  Just take out an ad in the newspaper telling illegal immigrants to leave, and they’ll just leave.  Easy peasy Japanesey.  What’s that gonna cost – a few bucks?

While my grandfather on my mother’s side migrated from Germany, my grandfather on my father’s side was a Cherokee Indian.

"Struggles With Reality" was his name.

The lineage of people on my father’s side was already in America. So, I feel a special allegiance to my country.

Like all Native Americans and their descendents.

Yes, we all have ancestors who came to America hoping for a better life, but the proper channels were followed. And millions were not allowed to come to America in hordes.

Right!  It says "huddled masses", people — not "huddled hordes"!

The whole process was orderly.

She’s right.  Just look how neatly arranged they were:

Besides, I don’t think the immigrants who came through Ellis Island brought flags, drugs, gang-members or suitcase bombs from their former countries.

"Like those nice Italian-Sicilan immigrants that you see in The Godfather.  They came, assimilated, and we never heard from them again."

They came here to become Americans in every way. They accepted, and eventually adapted to the traditions in America.

Which is to pull up the ladder once they arrived.  Just like Kaye.

Now many have hidden ulterior motives for coming to America.

To take all of our shitty jobs, the bastards.

Members of congress should have stayed in session until they reached an agreement to fix the immigration problem — even if it was just temporary.

You said they were "working overtime, trying to squeeze as many foreigners as they can into America".  Make up your mind, Kaye.

Instead, they go off to celebrate Easter, while America is on the brink of disaster.

Which is the worst time to honor the resurrection of Christ.

As Momma used to say to us (when we were children ) — and in hot water: "boy . . . you’re in a heap of trouble!"

Now we see where you acquired your rapier wit, Kaye.

Likewise to the leaders of our country: "boys . . . you’re in a heap of trouble!"

Indeed.  Because Kaye is likely to keep writing about this for the next several months.