We are so fortunate to have this goon running for the NC State Senate in our district. If nothing else, he’ll give us reams of satirable material for a long time to come:
To hear the mainstream media tell it, Katie Couric will be the savior of CBS News.
Oh, we don’t think they’re saying that at NBC.
She’s perky, blonde — and getting blonder by the day. She is widely portrayed as a tough interviewer who manages to exude the sweetness of an Iowa poultry queen.
We’ll have to defer to Nathan’s obvious authority on the subject of Iowa poultry queens.
Frankly, we don’t even know what an "Iowa poultry queen" is, or how one is bestowed with such an honor. And we don’t want to know.
The CBS Evening News — which is consistently dead-last in the ratings, welcomes her as a breath of fresh air — the type of lady who can attract the under 35 crowd — even though she herself is pushing 50.
Because as we all know, people only watch the news if the newscaster is the same age as themselves.
But it will take more than a Colgate smile and a cheerleader personality to rescue network news, which seems to specialize in bashing anyone considered patriotic, pro-military, or anywhere to the right of Ted Kennedy.
Right. The media is always bashing the right. Like this horrible graphic:
It’s no accident that, during that dark period of American history between the two Presidents Bush, many ordinary Americans referred to CBS as the Clinton Broadcasting System.
"Ordinary Americans" like this guy, posting at the Free Republic:
"Okay, back on topic, the Clinton Broadcasting System should be disenfranchised. But so should NBC. Remember, NBC refused to interrupt Titanic for W news. I was astounded that that Leftie Peter Jennings, of all talking heads, appeared the most objective in reporting the USSC decision."
It wasn’t so long ago that robotic anchorman Dan Rather had to step aside amid the shame of circulating phony documents attacking the credibility of the leader of the Free World. I have never heard a single person complaining about missing Rather and his routine attacks on Republicans.
Well, he’s a robot. Who’s gonna miss a robot?
Broadcast journalists such as Katie Couric feign concern for the poor and downtrodden, even as they line their personal bank accounts with millions.
Whereas Nathan heroes don’t have concern for the poor and downtrodden while they line their bank accounts with millions. Tom Delay anyone?
As a viewer, you wonder sometimes if they care at all about slandering an honorable American such as Congressman Tom DeLay since, at the end of the day, they can simply return to their penthouse apartments and gated communities and not have to deal with the hardships in life faced by average Americans.
Yes, Nathan hates it when the media slams Tom DeLay who is, after all, an average American facing the hardships of everyday life Hole No. 3 on a remote all-expenses-paid junket to a Scotland golf course.
Long ago, viewers tuned out and turned off the nightly news. I don’t believe that these former viewers abandoned their interest in civic affairs. I simply know too many baseball dads and soccer moms who are heavily involved in their communities and care deeply about what happens to America.
Nathan lives in Kernersville, NC. FYI.
And certainly in the wake of 9/11, people are aware of the fact that the troubled people in a distant land can wreak havoc on the American way of life.
People abandoned network news because network news abandoned them.
Or maybe it had something to do with — oh we don’t know — the advent of the 24 hour cable news network? The Internet?
Or maybe a lot of people stopped viewing the nightly network news because they’re working two jobs and aren’t home during the half hour that it’s on each day.
Jeez, what a moron.
Sure, the networks can try gimmicks to lure viewers back — such as solo female anchors…
A woman anchor is a "gimmick"? Wow. Welcome to Nathan’s world, where it’s always 1950.
… letting viewers vote for the stories they want to see…
No, Nathan. That’s American Idol, not the nightly news.
… and hiring heartthrobs as national correspondents.
Right. We all remember that disasterous television moment when Brad Pitt interviewed Spanish Prime Minister José Luis Rodriguez Zapatero. Don’t we?
But that’s all just window-dressing.
What the nightly news really needs is a dose of reality.
Ah, this should be good. Like what, Nathan?
It should be produced by people who live in the real world — the world of ten-year-old cars, monstrous medical bills, and coupon-clipping.
That’s right, Mrs. Paige Greenway of Eau Claire, Wisconsin! Put down the Eau Claire Shopper’s News and catch the first plane to New York right now! There’s some news shows that need producin’.
The newscast needs to reflect the world that we actually live in — not the conservative hellhole envisioned by Barbra Streisand and the rest of the liberal crowd.
Let’s be clear about this: Nathan wants the news to reflect the real world of "monstrous medical bills", and not some "hellhole" world. Because monstrous medical bills are fun!!!
Network news should employ people of real diversity — and that would include people with conservative viewpoints.
So to summarize:
Employing 50 year old women = gimmicky "fake" diversity.
Employing conservatives = real diversity.
Gotcha.
After all, conservatives lead many of our state legislatures, our businesses, and our athletic teams. Wouldn’t it make sense for conservatives to be present in newsrooms as well?
Gee, he’s right. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was, like, an entire 24 hour cable news network full of conservative commentary? Some place on your television dial where the news is just rip-and-read from the White House talking points? Some place run up by a former GOP consultant and advisor like, say, Roger Ailes?
The advent of cable and the ascension of Fox News have permitted viewers to see current events from a different perspective — one not colored by left-wing propaganda. After seeing a bit of fair and balanced coverage, many viewers probably decide they simply don’t want to go back to network-style nonsense.
Fair and balanced???? What’s Nathan been smoking? EVERY conservative I know acknowledges that Fox is right-wing biased. They LIKE it that way. But they are not so delusional as to think it is "balanced"!!!
It will take more than a pretty face for an effective makeover at CBS News.
It’ll take Bill O’Reilly.
It will also take a dedication to the pursuit of the truth, and a willingness to accept the fact that — believe it or not — most Americans love America and don’t want to see their President, Generals, and religious leaders routinely mocked on the small screen.
Unless the President has the last name of Clinton, the General is on the wrong side of the Iraq War, and the religious leader is, well, black. Then it’s cool to mock them. In fact, it’s patriotic.
BONUS: Be sure to check out these other Renew America columnists —
Shorter Doug Hagin: "Americans are getting stupider. I know; I used to train bartenders."
Shorter Peter and Helen Evans: "We like to sit around and think about scary things that don’t exist in the real world, and then write about them."
Shorter Bruce Wilson: "Okay, gay marriage doesn’t technically threaten traditional marriage, but we should pretend like it does."
Shorter Bonnie Alba: "Guess what I found out? If you cover each ear with the Bible, it’s possible to block out the sounds of science."