Kaye’s latest Renew America column is a masterwork of non-sensical paranoia and outrage.

We think Kaye has been sniffing glue.  Or something:

If you are a born American — you don’t have the right to be offended.

She’s right.  We checked the Constitution; it ain’t there.

Now if you are from another country, especially if you are in America illegally, then you can be offended by the traditions and core values in America.

What trips us up about Kaye’s opening — and there are many things to choose from — is her conflation of what people have a "right" to do with what people can do.    But it’s still early, so we’ll just bat this one away like an errant fly.

All you have to do to get sympathy from our government and watchdog groups like the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) — is just complain because Americans haven’t yet accepted the fact, they are supposed to be a country of diversity and it’s totally out-of-the-question to strive for unity.

Man, we have no idea — what she’s saying.  What is Kaye against?  People getting sympathy besides here? Illegal immigrants?  Being offended?  The ACLU?  Unity?

Maybe the next sentence will clear things up.

And if you haven’t found out by now, how you can really cause a stink — did you know you can use your children to be offended when the American "Pledge of Allegiance" is recited by American children in American schools — especially if "under God" is said in the recitation?

Wow.  We didn’t know Kaye suffered from ADD.  But you can tell by the way her sentence — just like a frog — which lives in ponds where there are lilypads in the spring, which is our favorite time of year.

There are several things that have to occur before we can become a one-world nation: first we have to be brought down to ground-level (make that ground-zero) submissiveness.

Slow down.  We’re taking notes.

We have to relinquish our guns; we have to get "in God we trust" off of our currency; we have to forget about equal rights unless we are in America waving flags from another country — demanding amnesty for breaking laws, and waving signs for Americans to get off of their continent.

When Kaye uses "we" here, she obviously means "they", although I have yet to see any immigrant — illegal or otherwise — waving a sign telling Americans to "get of their continent".  Obviously, Kaye’s been spending too much time smelling floor wax from the bottle.

And before too much longer, we should be getting Pesos and the Euro in place of American money.

LOTS of floor wax.

Next, they will be singing the new "Nuestro Himno" in place of our National Anthem at the opening session of congress. And I’ll bet you donuts to a dollar — children will be singing the Spanish version in public schools before long.

Pssst.  Don’t show this U.S. State Department webpage to Kaye — her head will explode.  [It’s the Star-Spangled Banner in Spanish].

While Mexicans are on a roll — somebody needs to implement a Spanish Pledge, and then the United States of America can be renamed Mexico. How’s that for progress?

Mmmmm.  "Mexicans on a roll."

Some members of our government have been trying for decades to add Mexico as the 51st state. And now that Mexico is legalizing street drugs, there may be a new incentive to bring Mexico onboard.

Because, um, our government is for the legalization of street drugs.  I guess that’s what Kaye’s point is.

Don’t you find it amazing how one country can infiltrate another…

Ooooooh, yes.

…demanding rights (they don’t have) while the president and government sit idly by puffing on their expensive cigars, twiddling their thumbs, and many toasting their "tequila?"

You forgot "buying Reading Railroad and passing ‘Go’ without collecting $200".

We like the word tequila in "scare quotes".  Like the word is the street name for some narcotic.

Did anyone else notice how President Bush sounded like he was talking to first graders when he responded to news of the newly written bilingual Spanish Anthem being recorded and released? He said in a tone one might use for a child that the Anthem should be sung in English and people coming to America ought to learn the English language.

Bush spoke in a tone one might use for a child?  Kaye, honey.  You’re just noticing that?

Well, since the government pointed out not too long ago, that English is not our official language, why require foreigners to learn it? Besides we’re spending big dollars to teach Spanish in schools above English. Don’t you know you are supposed to learn Spanish? . . . so Mexicans can understand what you are saying — not vice-versa.

Seriously, BARRELS of floor wax.  Industrial strength.

On Monday we should see why we don’t need illegal immigrants here. If they can cripple the economy in one day-then we need to come up with plan B.

What was Plan A?

This would be a perfect opportunity to observe which businesses have to shut down, because they don’t have adequate manpower to operate. Next, arrest the employers who have been aiding and abetting illegal immigrants, encouraging them to break our laws, by not only hiring them, but in many cases securing jobs for them — before they entered the country illegally.

You mean they hire them and secure jobs for them?  BOTH??  The bastards.

How many times have you heard we need "guest" workers to do the jobs Americans won’t do? It is apparent there are a lot of members in congress trying to avoid mentioning the 2005 trade deficit of $723.6 billion — thanks to other countries who won’t buy American-made products.

And the trade deficit relates to the guest worker program how?

And we are practically forced to buy foreign products, because we can’t find American products in America.

Forced to buy foreign products at gun point …from guns made in Japan, no doubt.

I can tell a foreign product, even if a label is not attached. Just look at how it is poorly constructed. Most imported clothing looks like it was made by five-year-olds, and would fit most of them, even though it may be labeled a size eight for an adult woman.

Ah, now we see the bee in Kaye’s bonnet.  She has to shop and those Miss Big-N-Fat stores now.  And it’s the fereners fault!

Unfortunately, the American dream is now a nightmare. And the damage is irreversible. Over the years, Americans were foolish enough to believe in leaders who steered America on a downward inevitable crash.

That sounds kinda — uh — bad.

How a person votes says a lot about where their priorities are, and reveals what kind of person they are inside. Before the next election, there needs to be a lot of soul-searching going on. It is definitely time for a viable third party to exist. The two party system has let us down.

Well, Kaye finally voices her disapproval with the GOP, at least.  Not that it would ever have her running left…

They have sold us out by making us beholden to other countries, because they refused to allow oil drilling in places like Alaska or building oil refineries. The last refinery build in America was 25-years ago.

Because everyone knows that if you build more refineries, there will be more oil.

If there is even a slight chance we are going preserve America — our "home sweet home" — we are going to have to elect new leaders who really care about Americans.

Especially the white ones.

Our tax dollars have been abused and misused to not only encourage the infiltration of illegal immigrants, but to try and buy power in foreign countries, while many of our own people are jobless; suffer from health problems for lack of proper medication.

Lack of proper medication indeed, Kaye….

I have always heard the old adage: man will eventually outsmart himself, and be the cause of his own demise. And all one has to do is to look around in America and see proof of that self-destructive pattern . . . as far as the eye can see.

Yay!  Doesn’t that mean it’s the Rapture?