Our favorite Renew America pundit, Kaye Grogan, must be on vacation or in rehab, but excitable advertising account executive Debbie Daniel is happy to fill in with breathless outrage on the subject of — what else — immigration.

Her article is entitled "Load Your Guns — Let The Battle Begin", which may sound like hyperbolic rhetoric until you realize that she’s from Central Texas and probably means it.

Either that, or she’s trying to emulate Yosemite Sam.

Anyway, it’s a long article, so we’ll place it below the fold.

Go ahead, Deb.

While I have listened to both sides of this immigration issue, I am convinced our country is being torn apart. I’ve seen enough anger expressed to start a civil war. I am more adamant than ever, as I look at the picture before us, and it’s not a pretty sight, that there’s big trouble ahead.

Well, titling your article "Load Your Guns" probably adds fuel to the fire, wouldn’t you say?

The people that have come to this country illegally have broken the law, and for that, and that alone, it is wrong.

Yes.  Most people who do things illegally break the law.

I have read how we can build 20 foot walls — can line an army from one end of the border to the other, but there is an undercurrent that is about to explode.

Well, then let’s not build the walls, or place the army, above the undercurrent then.

And while I understand that many of you have never hired an illegal, I’m here to tell you, they are hired everyday by people like you and me. The truth is — your hard earned money has many times helped support them and you didn’t even know it.

So it’s your fault.

If you don’t think it’s so, come take a drive with me along my daily route . . . South Central Texas.

Debbie is a paperboy.

Most cities have designated places where day laborers — illegals — are picked up and transported to job sites every hour of the day.  In particular, there’s a church thirty miles from my hometown that gives refuge to these "day laborers" and it’s common knowledge in town that if you want cheap labor, go down to the church in W ———-.

She’ll give you an L, S, R, T, M, and E, and you can pick three letters by yourself.

If you still don’t think you’ve been part of hiring illegals…

No, you’ve been incredibly convincing so far, Deb…

… let me show you how you help pay their salaries, thus giving them the confidence to stomp their feet and demand MORE.

I drive to work everyday and see many "illegals" working on landscapes, etc., and though I never ask questions, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that every one of these men with weed-eaters and grass blowers in hand are NOT citizens of this country.

Again with the "driving with Debbie" bit?

When I try to talk to a worker to ask him to be more careful with weed eaters throwing rocks or twigs at people and cars, they have no idea what I just said OR they pretend not to know.

There’s something a little disturbing about Debbie interrupting her morning commute to chastise landscapers she doesn’t know.  This must be one very disturbed woman.

I am in and out of businesses all day long and am constantly aware of workers who seem to disappear when I enter a particular establishment.

Yeah.  Get the hint?

In my line of work, it is easier to talk to restaurant owners or managers in mid-morning or afternoon. When I walk in where many workers are stacking chairs, mopping floors or sweeping, they vanish when I walk toward them to ask for the owner.

Any chance they might be getting the owner?  Or perhaps a waitress?

When I finally corner one for an answer, they don’t know what I’ve said.

Or they’re too seriously freaked out by your aggression.

U.S. Citizen? No, I don’t think so.

Because U.S. Citizens love Debbie!

So, as much as we’d like to believe we have nothing to do with hiring illegals, just watch where your money is being spent — you’re hiring them whether you like it or not. If you’re really not sure, try carrying on a conversation — U.S. citizens speak English.

And are white or black (nothing in between).

I’m certain that my place of business doesn’t hire illegals, but the landscape company we’ve contracted hires plenty of them. So, go figure. In some small way, I could be part of hiring illegals. Put ME in jail.

Uh . . . okay.

I don’t know how much longer we can play dumb over this issue.

I think you can probably go on that way for quite a while.

Corporations and other businesses are making big profits with cheap labor — slave wages.

And slavery, as you know, was the fault of the slaves.

Even though some might pay decent salaries, they are still cheating the government and making it harder for the rest of us to cover them on taxes. Why should we pay their part?

Let the record be clear for what I am about to say.

"Record"?  Hon, you’re not in a courtroom.  You’re an aging account executive for some little advertising agency in Nowheresville, Texas.

I am totally against anyone being in this country illegally, and it bothers me greatly that I could be a part of the problem — it’s just that most of us are unaware.

Okay.  Well, now we’re aware that you’re part of the problem.  Noted.  Go kill yourself, and save us the trouble.

I want them to go back to their own country and ONLY through legal means should they be allowed to return. But you and I know they’re not going anywhere. They’ve already let us know, in no uncertain terms, why they should be allowed to stay.

And illegal immigrants hold all the cards, right?

Most could care less about being citizens — "just show me the money." They have no intention of calling America home.

Right.  Why should those greedy Mexicans want to become Americans and get minimum wage when they can enjoy slave wages?

So, if everyone has already decided that George Bush is offering AMNESTY — although he has explicitly stated he isn’t — I would like to add my own two cents for the AMNESTY argument.

<blink, blink>  Wah?!?

Amnesty might very well BE the answer. I would suggest it first be tried and given to every single business owner, corporation and manufacturer who has knowingly taken advantage of cheap labor — for their own greedy sakes by padding their companies’ profits — and have ALSO broken the law. This may sound ridiculous, but if you believe we’re offering a "free" pass, we might as well give it to American criminals.

Ah.  So we’ll offer amnesty to Americans who break the American law, but not to Mexicans who break American law.  Because only Americans should get off easy.

So much for the righty argument that this is about the rule of law, and not racism.

If we’d let all those who’ve hired illegals come forward without any penalties — come clean and report they have illegals working for them — this is an AMNESTY program that might work. If this "free" period were offered over the next 90 days, then we’d see illegals running for the border — they would have no income and would be fearful of being turned in.

Somehow, we don’t think a lot of American companies are going to voluntarily take advantage of an AMNESTY program for laws that aren’t enforced against them.  But way to think out of the box.

If these illegals thought they would be reported, deported, or whatever, they would not stay around. And it would force U.S. businesses to hire Americans, who I believe WOULD certainly do the work, if they were fairly compensated a minimum wage — not slave pay. These businesses have stolen from the government much too long and have given jobs away so their profits would soar.

AND so that your tomatoes are cheap.

It burns me to think like this, but maybe justice will be served — we would have more tax paying Americans.

We might as well go ahead and give companies incentives to hire Americans to replace the illegals. Sound preposterous? Yes it is.

So you’ve wasted an entire column setting a proposition that you yourself think is preposterous.  Thanks.

But the other choice is to go ahead and do what we’re fighting over now — walls and guards. So if you’re going to favor one over the other, it might as well be a fight for our own misguided folks — as bad as it might seem.

Wait.  You just said that your "amnesty" program would be BAD for American businesses.  So whose side are you on?

AND, if these businesses do not comply within the 90 day period — woe be to them.

Can we codify that – "woe be to them"?

The penalties after 90 days should be the harshest ever meted; as much as 10–15 years imprisonment for those still hiring and harboring illegals. If we’re going to spend precious tax payer dollars on block walls and guarding borders for thousands of miles with thousands of troops, why don’t we use the same money to try something that just might work — spend the time and energy making surprise house calls, after a fair AMNESTY for AMERICANS program has been implemented.

Because ferreting out 12,000,000 illegal aliens from their jobs has got to be cheap, right?

I know this is a hot issue, but I am frantically despondent over what may happen in the days ahead if something is not done.

Translation:  I’m grasping at straws, because I’m so stressed.

If Catholic priests have already pledged their support and WILL BREAK THE LAW to help illegals . . . we’ve got problems. If terrorists, who are already in our country, would be willing to join the "battle" with illegals . . . we’ve got problems. And if the legal Hispanic sympathizers, who will no doubt, give allegiance to the brothers and sisters of their own culture, we might not stand a chance.

If we were forced to fly on planes with SNAKES ON THEM, well, then the whole ballgame is over.

Anymore "ifs", Deb?

If we continue to put "milk" out for the cat, we will soon have all cats at our doorstep. It’s time to bring the "milk bowl" in the house. The cats may "meow" for awhile, but when there’s no milk, they will go away.

But then they may "scamper" back, thinking that the "milk" may be back on the "stoop".  Until they get "chased away" with a "broom" called AMNESTY FOR AMERICANS.

So, if you think big block walls with thousands of men and women standing guard are going to solve this problem, then you are truly blind to what’s been happening right before your eyes.

Right.  Debbie’s "preposterous" solution is much better.  Can’t you see?

There is a ground swell of support building for these illegals…

Which, as we said, is why we shouldn’t build a wall on that particular spot…

…and if you think the body count in Iraq/Afghanistan is outrageous, just think about counting the number of dead Americans lying at the foot of our southern U.S. borders.

We weren’t aware (until now) that illegal immigrants come into this country armed, Debbie.  But thanks for providing that rather dubious fact.

A wall you say? Jerusalem’s Wailing Wall will pale in comparison to the heartbreak here in our own country. There WILL be bloodshed.

Walls hurt.

George Bush is a much wiser man than many will acknowledge. I cannot pray to my Heavenly Father for this man of God and then criticize every decision he makes. I’ve got to believe he’s seeking God’s direction for this country.

Why have you got to?   Is there no such thing as a believer who is misguided?

George Bush is not soft on immigration — he just doesn’t want another "bomb" to go off on our soil.

Not a literal bomb.  Just a figurative "bomb", meaning . . . uh . . . whatever.

I thank God for a man like George Bush who couldn’t care less his approval ratings are down. It confirms to me he seeks a Higher approval.

But his disapproval is going down among Christian conservatives and leaders, too.  So who’s side is God on?

He prays, he listens and he acts. God bless him.

Did God tell Bush about the WMDs?  Just asking…

This country cannot and will not be able to go through the process of building walls — possibly the most secure ever known to man — and arm our borders with the sharpest of shooters (who do not miss), without Americans getting killed. It will happen.

Um, if our sharpshooters do not miss their targets, and if the walls are so impenetrable, then HOW exactly will Americans get killed?   Will they be aiming at innocent civilians?

You talk about "killing fields?" If you don’t think so — just start building walls.

Wow.  Just . . . wow.  This makes no sense.

By the way, you better grab a gun, or you, too, will be laid to rest at the foot of our borders. God bless you.

Now let the battle begin.

Okay.  We think Deb is totally unhinged.  After bemoaning the "killing fields", she urges Americans to grab their guns, even though our sharpshooters (on the American side of impenetrable walls) never miss their target.  God help Debbie Daniel.