Shorter Bret Prelusky: Let’s be more adult about sex so the French can’t mock us.
Shorter Dennis Prager: A war by any other name would be as sweet.
Shorter Jennifer Morse: Wives need to "put out" more.
Shorter Jay Homnick: When Clinton took sodas out of schools, he took my raison d’etre away.
Shorter Rebecca Hagelin: Anecdotal evidence that I heard about proves that we’re all going to hell in a handbasket.
Shorter Phyllis Schlafly: The outcome of presidential elections should be determined by the Supreme Court, not by the Electoral College.
Shorter Cal Thomas: Zacarias Moussaoui thinks America is morally squishy. So we should kill him.