So Pastor Haggard says he bought meth once — and only once "out of curiosity" — from the gay prostitute named Mike Jones. [Interestingly, the audio tapes have Haggard saying that he "we" wanted "more" crystal meth].

And he admits he got a massages from the gay prostitute named Mike Jones.

But he claims he never used the meth that he bought "once" from the gay prostitute named Mike Jones.  He claims to have bought it and then threw it away. (Yup, say it all together now — he "didn’t inhale").

And he claims he never had sex with the gay prostitute named Mike Jones, who had been giving him massages for three years.

Raise your hand if you believe all that is true.

But before you do, keep in mind that only yesterday, Haggard said that none of the allegations were true, and that he never met Mike Jones at all.

Okay, now raise your hand if you believe him.  We’ll wait.

By the way, I love this quote from the religious press:

The president of the National Clergy Council in Washington, DC, points out that the Bible says no man is to be condemned on the testimony of a single accuser. That is why, says Rev. Rob Schenck, "we must prayerfully wait out the investigative process [in the Haggard matter] and continue to judge by the evidence." But should the allegations prove true, he adds, it will just be affirmation of man’s sinful nature.

The Bible says no man is to be condemned on the testimony of a single accuser?

I guess the Bible has a footnote which creates an exception if your last name is "Clinton".