My favorite conservative columnist has come back after a far-too-long absence.  Guess what?  She’s really riled about something.  Who would have thought???  She’s angry about immigrants, a favorite topic of hers.  Here’s how she starts:

While everyone is running around like chickens with their heads cut off, sending "say no to amnesty" faxes to their representatives, the only way to stop the out-of-control congress is to launch a massive recall program with the required signatures to replace the hard heads immediately — in every state.

Sputter, sputter, garrr-umph!

By the time the next election rolls around our beloved America may have already been given away to lawless illegal immigrants, who will benefit greatly from their prior disrespect for our immigration laws.

That’s right.  In less than two years, the ENTIRE country (Alaska and Hawaii included) will be in the hands of those greasy Mexicans.

A bit alarmist, yes?

Kaye rebuts some arguments:

How many times have we heard the lazy agricultural farmers making the pitch: if they don’t have Mexicans to pick crops, the cost of food will triple? What’s wrong with their cotton-picking fingers?

Well, Kaye.  It’s hard for a single farmer to pick several hundred acres of food.  They’re not lazy — they just are few in number.

Well, to them I say: as long as there is dirt around, I will grow and pick my own tomatoes, etc.

Etc.?  You grow cotton, Kaye?

Besides, people would be better off paying $6 for a pound of tomatoes in comparison of being taxed beyond oblivion, so millions of foreigners can enjoy the good life at the expense of taxpayers.

Ah, yes.  The good life.  You know, she’s right.  I’m so SICK of these Mexican foreigners coming into our country, taking all the good seats at the country club, lying back on their fat asses and sipping gin and tonics by the pool.  They have it sooooooo easy and lush.

Later, Kaye launches into some tangents about, well, whatever crosses her head:

Let’s look at a few of the provocative hot-issue buttons, that have failed miserably in the past. Since the legalization of whiskey, control is a big joke.

Right.  Whiskey is legal, so we don’t control it.  It’s not a failure of control, Kaye — it’s decision not to control it.

The drug war is an even bigger joke. Medicinal drugs are abused — much less street drugs.

Well, screw it, then.  Let’s just outlaw Tylenol, Kaye.  Is that what you’re saying?

Many schools are promoting and pimping sex in sex education classes to our young children in-between sexual abuse from many educators.

I’ve heard they occasionally do alegbra, though.

Later, Kaye writes:

The American people are not required to provide other nationalities a chance to pursue the American Dream in our country.

Right on!  Because we occupied this land first!!

And to Senator Lindsey Graham I say: "I beg your pardon — this is my country!…and if you want to call this bigotry — go right ahead!"

(Pssst, Kaye.  It is bigotry, at least in your case.  There are a lot of different viewpoints on the issue of immigration, but your viewpoint rests on one undenable truth: you just don’t like them)

And then there’s this:

Here’s the brutal facts: If over 47 million babies had not been wiped out through atrocious abortions — the amount of taxes this many people would have generated, and the jobs they would have filled here in America, would have made a tremendous difference in our economy.

Except, um, that those 47 million taxpayers also would have been tax consumers.  They would need to be fed, attend public schools, have Social Security, etc.

THEN we get to Kaye’s paranoia:

But the real reason behind changing the geometric numbers and faces in America, is designed and formulated to replace the white conservative Christian citizens, with people the government feels they have a better chance of creating a dictatorship type of environment.

"Dammit!  America is supposed to be a Christian dicatorship!  All that crap about ‘all people created equal’ and ‘give us your tired, you poor, your hungry, yearning to breathe free’ — that’s all nonsense!!"

If this type of scenario wasn’t so dangerous — it would be quite amusing to watch as everything blows up in their faces. Unfortunately, there is nothing amusing about watching our beloved country going down the drain faster than a newly unstopped sink.

Damn ferners!  Sputter, sputter!!