What I have been in the past year:

• Jewish floor shop owner (Little Shop of Horrors)
• Army psychiatrist or possibly a hallucination (Bug)
• Oily nightclub owner (The Full Monty)
• Unemployed steelworker and bad stripper (The Full Monty)
• Irish priest (The Full Monty)
• Repo man (The Full Monty)
• Gay latino dance instructor (The Full Monty)
• Bespeckled messenger from God (God’s Favorite)
• Loutish southern redneck (Daddy’s Dyin’ — Who’s Got The Will?)
• Racist southern redneck (The Foreigner)

I’ve had my wife walk out on me, been eaten by a plant, stabbed to death and set on fire, smoked crack, had a fireplace crash down on my head, done the macarana and led a conga line.

Hmmm.  Sounds like a song cue….