Culled from here:
1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
2. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk?
3. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
4. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
5. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
8. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
9. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
10. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
11. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
12. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
13. Bad decisions make good stories.
14. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
15. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem….
17. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
18. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
19. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to fall after leaning your chair back a little too far.
20. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
21. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
22. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
23. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.