But trust me, it's funny. The Onion:
I Bet My 40s Are Totally Going To Rock
You know what I'm really excited about? Turning 40! The Big Four-Oh. I've got one hell of a landmark birthday coming up, and I'm pumped! I may have spent these past 39 years meandering through life, focused only on petty concerns, without any direction or drive, but not anymore. My unremarkable childhood, my awkward adolescence, my purposeless teens through early 30s—it's all been leading up to this. So look out world, because for the second half of my life, I'm going to rock out like a motherfucker!
Once I hit 40, man, there's going to be no stopping me. Soon as the big birthday rolls around, I'm planning on starting that novel, opening my long-dreamed-of record store, and finally breaking into the experimental underground film scene. By the time I'm 43, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm the hippest person I know. Hey—I've got a steady paycheck coming in, so there's no reason to put off being kick-ass any longer.
No chance I'm spending the last 50 percent of my life as a lame-o.
It's natural, at my age, to doubt yourself. But that's no kind of an attitude to have, dude! Sure, I've tried to rock for 39 years and I've failed. But I can't let myself quit now! This is my chance to finally achieve all the dreams I've spent more than three dozen years accruing.
This could be the decade!
As long as I stay focused on my original goal, established at age 12, of having a rocking life, the sky's the limit. Sure, I haven't managed to achieve anything so far. Fair enough. But the way I figure it, I can either let myself get depressed about that fact like I did when I turned 18, 21, 25, 30, 35, and 39, or I can choose to look at this as an opportunity. An opportunity to rock!
After all, who says just because the first four decades of a person's life were totally square that the rest of his life has to be boring, too?
Man, after 40 years of saving it up, can you imagine how hard I'm going to rock? I've already started growing some totally bitching, long flowing hair, just like I always wanted….