Poor Marie.  She so badly wants to write an article with insightful political analysis about Hillary Clinton, the current Democratic frontrunner for President ’08.  But she just can’t.  Or can she?

Just say no to socialized Hillary Care

Ah, well, that’s a good start.  A thought-provoking critique of Hillary’s plan for improved health care.  Let’s see how far Marie can go with this…

In today’s world perception is everything. Why would that old adage not apply to one seeking the Oval Office?

This doesn’t bode well.

Whether you like his politics or not, President Bush works out daily to stay in good health. He is fit and trim and robust at the age of sixty-one.

Hmmm.  This morning‘s headline: "Bush Apparently Had Lyme Disease"

Marie can be forgiven for not acknowledging this latest revelation.  After all, she probably turned in the article last night, and wasn’t aware of the things that the White House keeps secret.

On the other hand, one wonders where Marie was when Bush made headlines after he fainted because he choked on a pretzel.  Then there’s his infamous workout on a segway:

A healthy body is an adjunct to a healthy, clear mind.

Right, Marie.  As evidenced by Bush’s Einstein-like ability to master the fine art of leaving a room.

We know where Bush stands on Iraq. He is committed to win the war. Many are beginning to think he just might be able to do it. All good Americans want us to succeed in winning the peace for a fledgling democracy.

Meaning 70% of Americans are, apparently, "bad".

If you doubt what is being accomplished in Iraq, you’ll need to read "A War We Just Might Win" written by Michael E. O’Hanlon and Kenneth M. Pollack, published: July 30, 2007 in The New York Times.

And this relates to "Hillary Care" how?

One thing is becoming clear in this article:  Marie Jon Apostrophe has neglected to take her anti-ADD medicine.  Watch how we go from Iraq in the preceding paragraph to….

Robin Givhan, a fashion editor for The Washington Post, wrote an op-ed on Senator Hillary Clinton’s revealing neckline displayed during a July 18 speech on the Senate floor. Givhans is a 2006 Pulitzer Prize for Criticism. She has critiqued the fashion statements of the likes of Condoleezza Rice and Dick Cheney.

Shit, they give Pulitzer Prizes for making fun of the way people look?  Where I come from, we just call that "mean".

"Commanding Clothes" was an extremely well written opinion piece referencing Dr. Rice’s wardrobe. "Dressing Down," on Dick Cheney, was right on target. Givhan takes no political sides. Cheney was dressed inappropriately while attending the 60th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz. In her op-ed, Givhan gives Vice president Cheney very bad marks for looking tacky. He wore a knit ski cap. She rightfully criticized him for not wearing a Fedora or a fur hat.

"Therefore, Hillary Care sucks".  I guess that’s the connection…

Does it matter if a presidential candidate wears a shell top with a pantsuit, designed not to show cleavage, but does nonetheless? Probably not.

Probably not?!?  Let’s see.  We’ve got a war in Iraq, huge deficits, problems with Islamic facism, a housing market on the verge of utter collapse …and you’re on the fence as to whether shell tops and pantsuits on presidential candidates are important?

Perhaps the reason for the numerous articles on her appearance is that the liberal media wants to cast Hillary as a more sensual woman.

Wait, wait, wait.  The liberal media?  The article about Clinton’s cleavage was written by Robin Givhan, someone you just said "takes no political sides".

As her husband would say, "You don’t want to go there."

Yes, it was Bill Clinton who coined that term(?).  We all remember.

Hillary Clinton is a very attractive woman.

Ummmm…. well, if you say so.  I guess the "liberal media" has done its job in convincing you.

During the holiday season we all take in too many calories. We can all sympathize with people who have a weight problem that’s for sure.

For an article about Hillary’s healthcare plan, we’re certainly dancing around the subject from all sides.  And why are we talking about the "holiday season" in the middle of August?

It is obvious that Hillary needs to exercise more and reduce the amount of calories she consumes. It is incorrect to blame it on aging or metabolism. Condoleezza Rice has a gorgeous figure, and she is over fifty years old.

Right.  That makes sense.  After all, Hillary and Condaleeza Rice have the same genetic makeup, both being political women.  Or something.

For a moment, let’s forget about all the fuss being made of Clinton’s cleavage showing in a poorly chosen ensemble.

I will if you will.

Look at her pear shape, heart-attack just waiting to happen physique.

Okay.  This is not what I expected when I read your column’s title.

A gathering of weight in the body’s lower sections is a medical danger sign for both men and women.  Too many Americans (two out of every three, including our children) are overweight or morbidly obese. One out of every eight deaths is caused by an illness directly related to overweight and obesity. Researchers say obesity costs in the U.S. totaled up to $92.6 billion in 2002.

It’s a problem.  I wonder if Hillary has a solution.  Like, you know, preventative programs to cure obesity before it develops into serious health problems.  Why, yes, she does!  Let’s talk about that Marie, since that IS the subject of this article.

Weight problems are costing our health care system a fortune as people develop such behavioral problems as depression. That’s the latest medical semantic dodge.

"Semantic dodge"?  I don’t know what that means either.

With the possible exception of the buff and chiseled Mitt Romney, no Republican presidential candidate has discussed changing our heath care system. However, Mrs. Clinton wants a universal health care coverage, cradle to grave. She just might get her wish, too, if you decide to vote that extremely "liberal" Democrat ticket in 2008.

So the problem with Hillary’s health care plan is that she HAS a plan, unlike her Republican counterparts.  Except for Romney.  Romney probably has a healthcare plan, because — my God — look at his abs!  How could he NOT have a healthcare plan with abs like those?!?

Eating healthfully and exercising regularly can sharply lower your risk of death from cardiovascular disease — the leading cause of death in the United States. That’s the extraordinary good news emanating from the Harvard School of Public Health’s Department of Nutrition. Good habits are a necessity in lowering the factors for chronic diseases in women.

I think this isn’t exactly "news".  Health specialists have been saying for yearsthat eating right and exercising is good for you.  But it’s nice to see that the "news" has finally filtered to Marie.

One would think that Senator Hillary could present herself as a good example. She keeps reminding us that "It takes a village" to better America. She might at least have gotten herself in top physical shape prior to aiming for the highest office in the land — you know, slim and trim?

Like, say, Dick Cheney, or Marie’s candidate of choice for 2008 — Fred Thompson?

In addition to the harmful incremental social reforms, Democrats such as Hillary Clinton want to transform our country’s health care system into something resembling Canada’s or the failing European model. Big government is no more the way to go when it comes to health care than anything else.

Like exporting democracy….?

Governmental health programs do not provide excellence to their patients.

Right.  Look at Medicare, the most successful government program in the history of government programs.  Er, wait….

Okay, then Marie Jon does her "phone it in" bit, where she copies from a Wall Street Journal article.  We’ll skip that, mainly because it has NOTHING to do with Hillary’s current health care plan.  You know why?  It was written in 2004!

After several paragraphs of that, Marie comes back to her main point, which is (we’re still hoping) Hillary’s healthcare plan.

What does work is personal responsibility. Taking good care of what has been given to you from birth is good common sense. Too many people decry their poor health. Facts show that most of what we become in later years stems from poor judgment in our younger years.

Right.  Bush, for example, in his youth, snorted lots of coke and was a habitual drinker.  Case closed.

Keeping our bodies in shape and eating correctly are the keys to a full and healthy life in our golden years.

We’re going to skip the next few paragraphs; it’s Marie basically cutting and pasting some stats on obesity — stats that nobody disagrees with or disputes.  What it has to do with Hillary’s healthcare plan, again, is lost on me.

While much was made about Senator Hillary Clinton’s exposed cleavage, I’d be more concerned about what she has in mind regarding her socialistic heath care agenda, which will be a living nightmare for average Americans. Health matters as much as facts and statistics. Indeed, just say no to socialized Hillary Care.

Wait.  You would be "interested to know" what she has in mind regarding her health care plan?  So… you’re writing a column ABOUT Hillary’s health care plan, and telling people to "say no" to it, without even knowing what it IS?

Marie, that’s just plain intellectually lazy.  No wonder your brain is obese.  You don’t exercise it enough.

Ask the good senator to take off the unwarranted pounds, for the sake of all MoveOn.org and Daily Kos feminists.

I don’t know what that means either.

However, never mind all the fuss being made of Hillary Clinton’s cleavage showing in a poorly chosen fashion statement.

Okay that’s the SECOND time she told us to never mind the fuss about her cleavage.  Kind of makes it hard for us to do that, Marie, if you yourself won’t shut up about it.

Look at her "pear shape," heart-attack physique just waiting to happen. A lower gathering of body weight is a medical danger sign for both men and women.

AGAIN with the pear-shape. AGAIN with the lower gathering of body weight.

This column is like one huge mobius strip.

While much was made about Senator Hillary Clinton’s exposed cleavage…

JESUS CHRIST!  I’m trying to FORGET about that — like you ASKED — and you keep PULLING ME BACK IN!!

…I’d be more concerned about what she has in mind regarding "her socialistic health care agenda, which indeed will never work."

Even though you don’t really know what it actually IS.

Health matters as well as using facts and statistics.

Got any facts and statistics, Marie?  No, I didn’t think so.

Absolutely, just say no to socialized health plans.

Heard you the first time.

Remember Hillary Care in the state of Tennessee.

Put that on a bumper sticker.  It’s inspiring.

So I guess here’s the shorter Marie Jon Apostrophe:  "Hillary’s healthcare plan sucks because it’s socialized medicine, and the reason you know it’s socialized medicine is because of the size of Hillary Clinton’s ass (and NOT her cleavage)".