Right now the cable news networks are wall-to-wall in front of Paris Hilton’s house in L.A. waiting for the sheriff to show up in his white Bronco and lead them on a freeway chase. It’s truly riveting TV, watching a bunch of people milling around and listening to the talking heads speculating on when she might come through the door and riffing on the greater meaning of all this — race, privilege and the merits of cupcakes from Sprinkles. (The consensus is that they are very good. I agree.)
He’s being facetious, of course. He’s really talking about what Al Gore says:
And while American television watchers were collectively devoting a hundred million hours of their lives each week to these and other similar stories, our nation was in the process of more quietly making what future historians will certainly describe as a series of catastrophically mistaken decisions on issues of war and peace, the global climate and human survival, freedom and barbarity, justice and fairness.
UPDATE: See? Told ya. MSNBC broke away from its coverage of the replacement for the outgoing Joint Chiefs of Staff to cover the fact that Paris went to court in sweatpants.
FURTHER UPDATE: The Carpetbagger Report looks at this as well:
I looked up the broadcasts from last night’s network newscasts, to see how the Big Three covered yesterday’s events. It wasn’t pretty.
ABC World News Tonight’s top story was the immigration-reform legislation in Congress, to which the network devoted two minutes and 55 seconds. The next longest “news” item of the broadcast was Paris Hilton getting released from prison, which garnered two minutes and 45 second. On the news program, the Paris Hilton development received more attention than the war czar’s concerns about Iraq, discussions on global warming at the G8 meeting, and Congress passing a stem-cell research bill combined.
CBS Evening News’ top story was Bush and Putin discussing missile defense, to which the network devoted two minutes and 35 seconds. The next longest item was, you guessed it, Paris Hilton, which garnered two minutes and 25 seconds. The Hilton “news” got more coverage on CBS than a roadside bomb killing a U.S. soldier, the immigration bill, and passage of the stem-cell bill combined — times two.
And in earning my eternal gratitude, NBC Nightly News didn’t give the Paris Hilton news even one second on last night’s broadcast. Literally, it didn’t come up. (Maybe because it was getting blanket coverage on MSNBC and NBC Nightly News didn’t think it was necessary?)
Look, media outlets everywhere, this person isn’t even a celebrity. She’s famous for being famous, which is perpetuated by the media feeding her fame. This is truly insane.
Jeebus, when ABC and CBS devote more airtime to some heiress’ mundane legal trouble than key international events, you might as well give up on watching television news altogether.
Oh wait, I already did that.
Fine. I give up. I’m putting a big honkin’ picture of Paris Hilton at the top of the post so people will read it.
LAST UPDATE I PROMISE: I can’t resist this:
Screaming and crying, Paris Hilton was escorted out of a courtroom and back to jail Friday after a judge ruled that she must serve out her entire 45-day sentence behind bars rather than in her Hollywood Hills home.
“It’s not right!” shouted the weeping Hilton, who violated her parole in a reckless driving case. “Mom!” she called out to her mother in the audience.
Hilton, who was brought to court in handcuffs in a sheriff’s car, came into the courtroom disheveled and weeping, hair askew, sans makeup, wearing a gray fuzzy sweat shirt over slacks.
Boo-freakin’-hoo. No sympathy here — DUI, license suspended, keeps driving, gets pulled over, still keeps driving, gets pulled over….