Spoiler Alert!

Ken AshfordPopular CultureLeave a Comment

Jack dies of hypothermia.
Jenny dies of AIDS and Momma dies of cancer.
Jesus dies but then lives again.
Malcolm was dead all along.
Norman had his dead mother in his basement.
They didn’t move the graves, just the grave makers.
Private Ryan lives.
Dorothy makes it back to Kansas.
ET makes it home.
Marty makes it back to 1985.
All the passengers on the train did it.
Elaine doesn’t go through with the wedding and runs off with Benjamin instead.
Clarence gets his wings.
James Bond gets the girl.
Rod Tidwell gets the money.
Ray Kinsella plays catch with his dad.
Roy Hobbs plays catch with his son.
Indiana Jones finds the Ark.
And the Holy Grail.
Thelma and Louis drive off a cliff into the Grand Canyon.
The Von Trapp family escapes to Switzerland.
Andy escapes, covering the tunnel with a giant pin-up poster.
The Planet of the Apes is just Earth many years later.
Aaron just made "Roy" up.
Ilsa leaves Casablanca with Victor.
Seabiscuit wins.
Rockford loses to Racine in the World Series.
John Nash wins a Nobel Prize.
Charlie wins the chocolate factory.
Rocky loses, but he went the distance. Then he wins. Then he wins.  Then Apollo dies and Rocky goes to Russia and wins again. (After that, nobody cares).
That girl Dil is actually a dude.
Rudy gets to play for, like, 30 seconds in the last game of the season.
No, they didn’t cheat, as shown by the fact that test scores kept going up.
Frodo destroys the ring.
They find Nemo.
They shoot Old Yeller.
The Beast becomes a human.
Darth Vader is Luke’s father.
The necklace is in the pocket of the overcoat that Cal put on Rose.
Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.
Teddy Gammel is John G.  Or one of them.  Maybe.  I think.
Neo is the one.
Soylent Green is people!
Rhett leaves Scarlett.
Rosebud was a sled.

(H/T to 1 Happy Street, from whom I heavily borrowed, and neglected to credit)