Okay.  My first comment: kill the stylists.

I liked these kids better when they were just themselves.  But tonight, a bunch of L.A. stylists put them in clothes and hairstyles which made many of them simply ridiculous.  I think the NC kids suffered worse — Kellie Pickler especially.

Now on to the talent portion.

The first hour and a half of the show was so miserably bad that I almost swore off it forever.  Even the people I like – Kellie Pickler and Lisa Tucker – were bad.  Unlike the judges, I thought Mandisa was a huge disappointment.  Same with Elliott.

I think part of it was nerves, a larger theater, and a stage that just swallowed them up.  Some of them simply weren’t suited for Stevie Wonder songs.  The first 8 contestents either died, or failed to deliver the goods.  Thank God for TIVO fast forward.

But then Katharine McPhee came out and, as Randy said later, it was a whole new show.  She did amazing.  And so did everyone who came after her.  Paris and Chris really rocked the place, although not as much as Katharine. 

But the best performance for me — by far — was Taylor Hicks.  It was the first time I watched American Idol and thought, "You know, if this guy came to town, I might actually pay to see a concert" — which is saying a lot since I don’t go to concerts.

So who should get voted off?  That’s easy.  Melissa McGhee, who never should have been there in the first place.  She forgot her lines?  Yeah, but that was the least of her problems.  I’ll bet after hearing her, Stevie Wonder wished he was deaf, too.  Since she’s my pick, I’ll make fun of her bio and be generally mean to her (below the fold).

And for God’s sakes — will someone please shoot Kevin Covais?  He can’t sing.  Plus, I’m beginning to think he doesn’t realize that calling him a "sex symbol" is a joke.  Not that I ever liked him, but at least he was more tolerable when he showed a little humility.

When did you first start to sing?

When I was 4.

About the time she started smoking, and made her voice all scratcy and unbearable.

Do you have any formal singing training?

Just school + an entertainment group.

Junior high school glee club isn’t "formal training", honey.

What other talents do you have?

Dancing.

The Electric Boogie, at her sister’s wedding.

If you don’t make it on AMERICAN IDOL, what will you do?

Go to college for music elementary education.

And create a whole army of talentless kids.

What are your personal goals in life?

To succeed in the music industry, have a beautiful marriage, and stay on the path with God.

Then stop offending Him with your "joyful noise".

What album would your friends be surprised you own?

Vince Gill – Pocket Full of Gold.

Figures.

Who is your AMERICAN IDOL?

My grandmother because she enjoys her life and lives it to the fullest.

Whereas you just phone it in.

Do you have any rituals or things you do each time you perform?

I pray.

Probably should have learned the lyrics instead.  I’m just sayin’.

Most embarrassing moments?

My most embarassing moment was when I was competing in a beauty pagent and I broke a fire alarm sprinkler and flooded 2 floors and stopped the pageant.

Well, after tonight’s performance, I think we topped that.

What has been your proudest moment in life so far?

Where I am in my life right now, I have overcome so much.

Good for you.  But why make us suffer?

If you couldn’t sing, which talent would you most like to have?

Playing the piano.

Smart move.  You don’t have to remember lyrics to play the piano.

What is your definition of an AMERICAN IDOL?

Someone America can identify with.

I guess talent doesn’t enter into it?

Who is your favorite judge and why?

Simon because he is honest.

Simon on your performance tonight: "Simply atrocious . . . a disaster"

What would people be surprised to learn about you?

That I have had a very difficult life.

Okay.  Now you’re making me feel like a schmuck for making fun of you.

How has this changed your life?

Drastically because I feel as if anything is possible.

Now I’m starting to feel sorry for you.

Do you have any lucky charms?

My stuffed animal named Moose.

"He talks to me.  He tells me to burn things."

Who are your heroes in life?

My Uncle Britton + grandparents.

Is this a math test?

What’s been your toughest obstacle in life?

Overcoming family issues + my breakup with my ex.

Oh, you’re young, honey.  You’ll have many more breakups to come.  So cheer up!

Do you think the audition process was fair?

Very.

Of course you do, since you weren’t one of the twelve best by any stretch of the imaginiation.

If you win, who will you thank first?

God, then my family.

That’s nice, but I think to win at this point, you’ll have to strike a deal with Satan.