Nine female fans of American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken are suing Aiken’s record company.  The cause of action?  They were supposedly duped by the record company’s advertising and promotions into thinking that Clay was straight, when he is in reality, well, not . . . apparently.

The angry ladies go on to state, "This is tantamount to a manufacturer concealing information about a defective product. Therefore these actions were both unfair and deceptive to consumers."

A spokeswoman for the group says, "As consumers, we feel ripped off. It is obvious now that the private Clay is very different from the manufactured packaged public Clay that was marketed to us."

Okay.  Where to begin?

(1)  "Clay"?  Are you ladies on first name basis with him?

(2)  You ladies need to get your gay-dar fixed.

(3)  What exactly did the record company do to promote Aiken’s ersatz heterosexuality?  What should they have done instead?  Have CD covers with Aiken in chaps?

(4)  How exactly were you ladies injured?  It’s not like you ever stood a chance scoring with Aiken anyway, even if he was straight.  And buying his records didn’t increase your chances either.  So what makes his products "defective"?

(5)  Good luck trying to prove in court that Aiken is gay.

Next week: My grandmother sues the estate of Liberace on the grounds that she was deceived into thinking he was a macho stud.