Chemerinsky Is Back As UC Irvine Dean

Ken AshfordCourts/LawLeave a Comment

I had a feeling that L’Affaire Chemerinsky would end this way:

UC Irvine Chancellor Michael V. Drake and Erwin Chemerinsky have reached an agreement that will return the liberal legal scholar to the dean’s post at the university’s new law school, the university announced this morning.

With the deal, they hope to end the controversy that erupted when Chemerinsky was dropped as the first dean of the Donald Bren School of Law.

Drake traveled over the weekend to Durham, N.C., where Chemerinsky is a professor at Duke University, and the two reached an agreement about midnight Sunday, sources told The Times.

In a statement, Drake and Chemerinsky said: "Many issues were addressed in depth, including several areas of miscommunication and misunderstanding. All issues were resolved to our mutual satisfaction."

Drake’s decision to dump Chemerinsky last week set off a national debate about academic freedom and sparked a revolt by faculty at UCI against Drake.

Sally Field Censored By Fox

Ken AshfordIraq, Popular CultureLeave a Comment

Yeah, I thought I saw what I thought I saw. 

At last night’s 59th Annual Emmy Awards, Sally Field, who won Best Lead Actress in a Drama Series for her role as Nora Holden Walker in ABC’s “Brothers and Sisters”.  She got up there and said…

“Surely this [award] belongs to all the mothers of the world. May they be seen, may their work be valued and raised. Especially to the mothers who stand with an open heart and wait. Wait for their children to come home from danger, from harm’s way, and from war…. I am proud to be one of those women. If mothers ruled the world, there would be no —

Field fumbleed around for her words and wrestleed with the invisible orchestra then got censored.  Here’s what the viewers saw:

What did Sally say?  If Fox hadn’t censored her, America would have heard her say:

"If mothers ruled the world, there would be no goddamned wars in the first place."

Defenders of Fox will point out that she said "goddamned", and that was the reason for the audio cutout.  But that’a a crock.  Technically, Field’s censored words are not profane. A 2004 FCC ruling specifically stated no objection to the use of "god damn" on TV when making a judgment on the uproar over Bono swearing at the Golden Globes in 2003 where he used more colorful language.

Secondly, it was no more profane than some of the jokes offered by others.  Like, that guy from "Everybody Loves Raymond" commenting on his co-presenters’ low-cut dress/cleavage: "Note to self.  Buy some milk".

Thirdly, even if it was profane, the technology certainly exists to bleep out the "god" part, rather than Ms. Field’s entire anti-war sentiment.  (In fact, she got most of the "god" part out uncensored).

Asians Play Too Many Computer Games

Ken AshfordScience & Technology3 Comments

I saw this story today

A man in southern China appears to have died of exhaustion after a three-day Internet gaming binge, state media said Monday.

The 30-year-old man fainted at a cyber cafe in the city of Guangzhou Saturday afternoon after he had been playing games online for three days, the Beijing News reported.

…and it sound familiar. 

Google, google, google…

Why yes.

From February 2007:

Reports from MSNBC say an obese 26 year old man from northeaster China collapsed and died after a seven day holiday video game binge session.

From 2005:

the man, identified only by his family name, Lee, died after a 50-hour binge in which he played online battle simulation games almost nonstop. Police in the southeastern city of Taegu [South Korea] said the 28-year-old man died of heart failure nearly three days after sitting down for the first time at a cybercafe there.

From 2004:

A computer game addict in western China collapsed and died at his screen after playing the popular online game Saga non-stop for 20 hours, a news report said today.

The 31-year-old began playing the game regularly at an internet cafe in Chengdu, Sichuan province, three months before his death, according to the South China Morning Post.

From 2002:

The 27 year-old Taiwanese man collapsed after playing computer games for 32 hours non-stop.

Police confirmed that Lien Wen-cheng started playing at the cyber cafe in Fengyuan in central Taiwan at 10.30pm on Thursday.

Also from 2002:

A 24-year-old South Korean man died after playing computer games nonstop for 86 hours, police said yesterday.

The jobless man, identified by police only by his last name Kim, was found dead on Tuesday at an Internet cafe in Kwangju, 260 kilometres southwest of Seoul, they said.

Of course, the only cause of death in thiese situations isn’t just "natural causes".  There is this, from 2005:

A Chinese man has been stabbed to death in a row over a sword in online game Legends of Mir 3, say reports.

Shanghai gamer Qiu Chengwei killed player Zhu Caoyuan when he discovered he had sold a "dragon sabre" he had been loaned, said the china Daily.

Mr Chengwei only got the powerful virtual weapon shortly before it was sold for 7,200 yuan (£460).

Before the attack Mr Chengwei told police about the theft who said the weapon was not real property.

I don’t know what this means, but someone needs to look into it.

150 Monty Python Sketches

Ken AshfordYoutubeLeave a Comment

  1. PythonfootLumberjack Sketch
  2. Buying a Bed
  3. Hitler in England
  4. Agatha Christie Sketch
  5. Spam
  6. Married
  7. Murderers
  8. Archaeology Today
  9. French Sketch
  10. Mouse Problem
  11. Bicycle repairman!
  12. Most Awful Family In Britain
  13. Albatross
  14. Storytime
  15. Dirty Fork
  16. Blackmail
  17. Bruce
  18. Lingerie Robbery
  19. Lion Tamer
  20. Silly Vicar
  21. Kilimanjaro Expedition
  22. The Visitors Sketch
  23. Trouble at the Mill / The Spanish Inquisition
  24. Aussie hunters
  25. The money programme!
  26. A Man With Three Buttocks
  27. Mattress Skit
  28. How to contradict people
  29. The stolen newsreader
  30. Interesting people
  31. The smuggler
  32. Meat Sketch
  33. Silly Job Interview
  34. Lets talk ant
  35. The Fish Slapping Dance
  36. Timmy williams coffe time!
  37. The Bishop
  38. Semaphore version of Wuthering Heights
  39. Little Red Riding Hood
  40. Exploding Blue Danube
  41. Arthur ‘Two Sheds’ Jackson
  42. Flying Lessons
  43. I Wish to Report a Burglary
  44. Confuse-A-Cat Ltd.
  45. Johann Gambolputty
  46. The Dull Life of a City Stockbroker
  47. How Not To Be Seen
  48. Tchaikovsky’s Piano Concerto No.1
  49. Penguins
  50. Undressing
  51. Tiny Words
  52. Italian
  53. Ministry Of Silly Walks
  54. Spectrum
  55. Burglar
  56. My Brain Hurts!
  57. The Llama
  58. Deja Vu
  59. Blood Donor
  60. Office Sketch
  61. Tennis Anyone?
  62. River Tossing
  63. Cheese Shop
  64. Oscar Wilde
  65. Mr Clean-Air System, the Boxer
  66. The Writer’s Son
  67. Camel Spotting/You’re No Fun Anymore
  68. The Dirty Vicar
  69. Christmas in Heaven
  70. Prawn Salad waiting room
  71. The naughty queen Victoria
  72. Secret Service Dentistry
  73. Spot The Looney
  74. Salad Days
  75. I have a theory!
  76. 20th Century Vole
  77. Dead Parrot
  78. Ypres Sketch
  79. Queen Victoria handicap
  80. Travel Agent
  81. Holy Grail – Black Knight
  82. Self Defence Class
  83. Holy Grail – Killer Rabbit
  84. Monty Python- The Bridge
  85. Holy Grail – French Invasion Plan
  86. Holy Grail – Knights of the Round Table
  87. Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
  88. Holy Grail – Bloody peasants!
  89. The Funniest Joke In The World
  90. The Upperclass Twit Of The Year
  91. Every Sperm Is Sacred
  92. Hell’s Grannies
  93. Young Pythons
  94. Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook
  95. Hunting Sketch
  96. Man Who Speak Only Partial Words
  97. Expedition to Lake Pahoe
  98. Whizzo Chocolate Company
  99. Whicker Island
  100. Freemasons Architects
  101. Mr. and Mrs. Git
  102. New Brain From Curry’s
  103. Rival Documentaries
  104. Pilots’ Banter
  105. Cheap Airline
  106. Arthur ‘Two Sheds’ Jackson
  107. Police Station Silly Voices
  108. Professor Gumby
  109. Art Gallery
  110. International Philosophy
  111. Careers Advisory Board
  112. Me Doctor
  113. Man Who Speaks In Anagrams
  114. Sherry Drinking Vicar
  115. How To Irritate People – Need a lift
  116. How To Irritiate People – Restaraunt
  117. Naughty Chemist
  118. Abandoned Sketch
  119. Silly Disturbances
  120. Fish License
  121. Come Back to My Place
  122. Johann Gambolputty
  123. Hermit Skit
  124. Poofy Judges
  125. Travel Agent
  126. Marriage Guidance Counsellor
  127. Choreographed Conservative Party Speech
  128. Tudor Jobs Agency
  129. Ken Shabby
  130. A Scotsman on a Horse
  131. Fish Club
  132. Falling Minister
  133. Theatre Sketch
  134. Aussie Hunters
  135. Introducing Harry Fink
  136. How to Irritate People – Actors
  137. How to Irritate People – The Joke
  138. Cosmetic Surgery
  139. Norwegian Party
  140. The First Heart Transplant
  141. Pope and Michelangelo
  142. Silly Olimpiad
  143. Antiracist Song
  144. Nudge Nudge
  145. Flying Lessons
  146. The Money Programme
  147. Seduced Milkman
  148. Office Sketch
  149. Hospital sketch
  150. Job Interview

— compiled by One Man’s Blog

Noise Violators Sentenced To Barry Manilow

Ken AshfordCourts/LawLeave a Comment

Ouch:

Violaters of the city of Fort Lupton’s noise ordinance were in for a big surprise this past Friday. The city’s judge sentenced citizens who have been busted for being too loud to 1 hour of listening to unpopular or unusual music.

In a courtroom with mostly young adult offenders, Dolly Parton’s "I Will Always Love You" played loudly on a boombox.

During the full hour of punishment, they were not allowed to chew gum, eat, drink, read or even sleep.

Most violators found the first few minutes funny. As time wore on with Karen Carpenter, Barry Manilow and Barney songs, they weren’t laughing anymore.

"At about 20 minutes into it, I was trying not to fall a sleep," said violator Luis Cano.

Judge Paul Sacco carries out the punishment about four times per year. He said he believes the sentence fits the crime.

"When you have a person playing rap at extreme volumes all over the city, and they have to sit down and listen for an hour to Barry Manilow, its horrible punishment," he said.

Ice Ice Baby

Ken AshfordScience & TechnologyLeave a Comment

Interesting developments from the Coca-Cola Company:

VintagecocacolaThe world’s largest soft drink manufacturer has created a new form of keeping their bottles of fizz ice-cold by packing new technology into each bottle, so when the cap is twisted off, a mechanism inside will create ice made from the drink itself.

It will be tested on Sprite first, with a new product hitting UK shelves as early as next year, called Sprite Super Chilled. If this product does prove to be a huge success, it’s understood Coca Cola will roll the technology across all its drinks, and might even sell it to beer and alcoholic drink manufacturers.

List Of Regrets

Ken AshfordPersonalLeave a Comment

In no particular order:

  1. Missed Heather in Five By — I was going to go Sunday but they were sold out!  And now she’s wafted off to NYC….
  2. Emily did the Wait Wait thing the right way
  3. Turned off the Red Sox last night when they were down 4-1 (they still lost 4-3; but it almost ended with another Papi walk off in the bottom of the ninth)
  4. Never having seen "Ugly Betty" (Is it really that good?)
  5. Number of times I actually used my pool this very hot summer: once
  6. Not managing to get on the river with Que for yet another summer

Speaking of Que, she told me years ago that I suffer from seasonal depression (as does Que herself).  I guess that’s probably true, even though fall is my favorite season.  Honestly, I don’t feel depressed, but there’s something about going from several weeks in the high 90’s to it suddenly being 61 degrees (like it is now) that kind of makes a body feel . . . blah.

L’Affaire Chemerinsky

Ken AshfordCourts/LawLeave a Comment

I’m following this story closely.  The law blog of the Wall Street Journal has the latest.

It seems to be the UC’s Chancellor, Mike Drake, is in — or should be in — hot water.  If the latest reports are true, he bowed to outside political pressure, and even admitted behind closed doors (before he denied it publically) that Chemerinsky’s firing was political.

Bad days for Drake ahead.  Heck, when you even have folks at the notoriously right wing Powerline standing up for the liberal Chemerinsky, you know you’ve done something wrong:

Visiting his class on a random day, I found Professor Chemerinsky turning in a virtuouso performance.

I was thus saddened to see Professor Chemerinsky hired and fired within the space of a week as the founding dean of the new law school at the University of California-Irvine. The events seem to me to speak poorly of university chancellor Michael Drake, who does nothing to clear up the controversy in his Los Angeles Times column this morning. Like David Horowitz, I have no taste for Professor Chemerinsky’s clients or his causes. But it seems to me that in hiring and then firing Professor Chemerinsky Chancellor Drake has disgraced his institution.

Bush’s Speech: Iraq 4Evah!

Ken AshfordIraqLeave a Comment

Didn’t see it live, but caught the video.  Rather than make the effort to actually put my reaction into coherent words and sentences, I decided to let Fred Kaplan do it for me:

President Bush’s TV address tonight was the worst speech he’s ever given on the war in Iraq, and that’s saying a lot. Every premise, every proposal, nearly every substantive point was sheer fiction. The only question is whether he was being deceptive or delusional.

The biggest fiction was that because of the "success" of the surge, we can reduce U.S. troop levels in Iraq from 20 combat brigades to 15 by next July. Gen. David Petraeus has recommended this step, and President George W. Bush will order it so.

Let’s be clear one more time about this claim: The surge of five extra combat brigades (bringing the total from 15 to 20) started in January. Their 15-month tours of duty will begin to expire next April. The Army and Marines have no combat units ready to replace them. The service chiefs refuse to extend the tours any further. The president refuses to mobilize the reserves any further. And so, the surge will be over by next July. This has been understood from the outset. It is the result of simple arithmetic, not of anyone’s decision, much less some putative success.

Kaplan goes on to note the muddying contradictions in Bush’s speech, something which I quickly noted and made me want to bang my head against the wall.  For example, Bush claims that the fight in Iraq is the central conflict in the battle for the future of civilization.  But he also advocates withdrawing some troops — around 6,000 — by Christmas.

Well, excuse me, but how can one person hold those two views at the same time?  If the Iraq conflict is supposedly vital and the stakes so high, how can Bush withdraw any troops?

It’s all part of this strange kabuki dance wherein we hear that progess is being made, but yet — somehow — never enough progress to warrent serious troop reductions ore redeployment.  For literally years now, we have been by this Administration told that the situation in Iraq is "improving" (or that the enemy is in their "last throes") and so on.  But for some reason, we never seem to get to the point where we can actually declare "We’ve done all that we can".  It has to be, as Kaplan suggests, an outright deception.

Other lies:

Back to the speech: "Terrorists and extremists who are at war with us around the world are seeking to topple Iraq’s government, dominate the region, and attack us here at home." Even if it were true that the movement called al-Qaida in Mesopotamia is one and the same with the larger al-Qaida organization (a point that the U.S. intelligence community disputes), AQM accounts for only 5 percent of the attacks inside Iraq—some of the deadliest 5 percent, but it is misleading to suggest that they are the biggest obstacle to Iraqi unity, much less the greatest threat to regional peace.

And more lies here.

And fact-checking Bush here.  (Guess what?  Not exactly truthy, that President of ours).  Here’s an example:

At one point, the president cited a recent report by a commission headed by retired Marine Gen. James Jones, saying that "the Iraqi army is becoming more capable, although there is still a great deal of work to be done to improve the national police."

But the report said Iraq’s army will be unable to take over internal security from U.S. forces in the next 12 to 18 months and "cannot yet meaningfully contribute to denying terrorists safe haven." It also described the 25,000-member national police force as riddled with sectarianism and corruption, and it recommended that it be disbanded.

The commission also recommended that U.S. troops in Iraq be "retasked" in early 2008 to protect critical infrastructure and guard against border threats from Iran and Syria, while gradually turning responsibility for security over to Iraqi forces despite their deficiencies — advice the president did not follow in last night’s speech.

Bush’s message boiled down to this: "We’re going to stay in Iraq until that government is successful in governing and protecting itself."

To me, that is the opposite of what we should be saying to Iraq.  Instead, we should be saying, particularly to the Iraqi leaders, "Listen folks.  We’re not going to stay here forever.  We’re going home soon so you better get your ass in gear and stop sucking on our military teat".

It’s pretty obvious to me that the Bush strategy — politically — is to maintain our presence in Iraq until it becomes the next President’s problem.  He’ll withdraw enough troops to please war critics (or so he thinks), but he’ll stress the dangers of leaving so that we can’t actually redeploy out fo there. While he’ll probably succeed, I think the next President can innoculate himself from that by calling for troop withdrawel NOW.

Hand claps for the Edwards response:

"In January, after years of evidence that military actions cannot force a political solution, the president announced a military surge to force a political solution. In May, he vetoed a plan to end the war, demanded more time to show the surge could work, and Congress gave it to him. Now, after General Petraeus reports the surge has produced no progress toward a political solution, what does the president want? More time for the surge to work, when we know it won’t.

Our troops are stuck between a president without a plan to succeed and a Congress without the courage to bring them home."

Barack Obama weighs in:

It is long past time to end a war that never should have started. President Bush was wrong when he took us to war, he was wrong when he escalated this war in January, and he is wrong to stay the course now. I opposed this war from the beginning, I introduced legislation in January that would have already started to bring our troops home, and I will continue to lead the fight in the Senate for a fixed timeline with a deadline for the removal of all of our combat troops. The American people are not going to be fooled by the same false promises of success that got us into Iraq. Iraq’s leaders are not making the political progress that was the stated purpose of the surge, but the President wants us to keep giving him a blank check. We must not continue the enormous sacrifice of our troops, our military readiness, our treasury, and our standing in the world just to keep the violence at the same unacceptable levels it was at in 2005 and 2006. That is why I have proposed an immediate and sustained removal of 1 to 2 combat brigades each month to conclude by the end of next year. We have to come together – not as Republicans and Democrats – but as Americans to turn the page in Iraq so that we can recapture our unity of purpose at home and our leadership around the world.

This New York Times editorial also nails it:

[Bush’s] only real plan is to confuse enough Americans and cow enough members of Congress to let him muddle along and saddle his successor with this war that should never have been started.

I like this, too, from Andrew Sullivan:

This is what Bush cannot recognize: there is no Iraq. There are no Iraqis. There may have been at one point – but what tiny patina of national unity that once existed to counter primordial sectarian loyalty was blown away by the anarchy of the Rumsfeld-Franks invasion. The president’s stunning detachment from this reality tragically endures – whether out of cynicism or delusion or, more worryingly, a simple intellectual inability to understand the country he is determined that the United States occupy for the rest of our lives.

The low-point was his almost desperate recitation of a poignant email that posited that this war is one between "good" and "evil". I don’t doubt the sincerity of the sentiment; I don’t doubt either that the murderous extremes of sectarian hatred or religious fanaticism are, at some level, evil. I know that the motives of many people who supported this war – and many who still support it – are honorable. And I know that America is ultimately a force for good in this world. But that doesn’t mean that America is incapable or error or immorality. And to reduce the immense complexity of Iraq to such a binary moralism is a sign of a president reaching for comfortable, Manichean abstractions as a replacement for strategic judgment and knowledge. The American people deserve better from a war-president: more honesty, more candor, more realism.

The Bionic Woman Sucks

Ken AshfordPopular CultureLeave a Comment

Although not set to air on network television until September 26, I managed through my underworld connections to land the pilot.  I watched it.  What a disappointment.

The effects were great, and Michelle Ryan is easy on the eyes.  But I have two complaints — a minor one and a major one.

Minor complaint: Does every major female character who is not Michelle Ryan HAVE to look like Bridget Neilson?  Seriously.  What is it with dyed-blond, harsh haircutted women?  O.K. I get it.  Brunettes: good and wholesome; victims.  Blondes: dark, evil, and/or mysterious.  Thanks for color-coding the characters, guys.

Major complaint:  The dialogue.  Lord almighty, who wrote this crap?

Ok.  Jamie was a bartender who was in love with genius Bionics doctor, Will Anthros. Her life was ordinary, however this life was to change forever after a "seemingly" random car accident left her at death’s door. Her boyfriend, not wanting to let her die, decided to put aside his professional ethics and installed her body with the top secret Bionics that he had helped to develop.

Of course, the bionics she has inside are the product of a top secret quasi-military government program — a program which is never fully explained to her.  She understands the powers she has, but doesn’t really understand why she got them or what she’s supposed to do with them.

At one point, after having a rooftop scuffle with the early prototype of the bionic woman (apparently, they have never even considered putting bionics in a man — ever) she approaches Oscar Goldman (a darker version of the 1970’s character, played here by Jose Ferrar).  It is night and it is raining and she’s wet.  And she squints at him and says — get this bit of dialogue — "If we’re going to do this — whatever ‘this’ is — we’re going to do it my way."

Apparently she doesn’t understand what the F is going on either, but she’s agreeing to do "this", because — well, just because.  Dumbest dialogue ever. 

ALSO:  Speaking of pop culture, kudos to Shakira.

Fargo Yeah

Ken AshfordYoutubeLeave a Comment

For Fargo fans, the movie cut down to the times when any character says "Yeah":

For those who haven’t seen the movie, what are you waiting for?

Wait Wait at Wake’s Wait

Ken AshfordPopular Culture1 Comment

Npr_wwdtm_image_300If you ever get the chance to see a live taping of NPR’s weekly news quiz program "Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me", I recommend it.

Last night the WWDTM gang came to Winston-Salem for the taping of this week’s show at Wait Chapel in Wake Forest.  At $30-35 per ticket, they still managed to pack the 2000+ seat house.  I chose to sit in the back row of the balcony for two reasons:

  1. I didn’t think I would be able to stay for the whole thing, since I wanted to rehearse a bit for "Little Shop of Horrors"
  2. It’s a freakin’ radio show.  I didn’t really understand why a lot of people felt the need to be really close.  I mean, it’s not like they dance.

Despite assurances that the taping would being at 7:30, the show got started late — closer to 8:00.  Peter Sagal — who looks nothing like I expected — explained during the audience warm-up that part of the reason they were running late was because the Chairmen of Krispy Kreme had paid them a visit backstage, bearing gifts (i.e., really really good donuts).  The cast and crew indulged in them, and Sagal quipped that he was glad that the Chairmen of R.J. Reynolds didn’t come and bring gifts.

Unlike the old timey radio shows, there was no bulky center stage mike that theyhovered around.  The three panelists — Roy Blount Jr., Kyrie O’Connor, and Mo Rocca, sat at a table.  Carl Kasell stood at a podium with his name on it.  So did Sagal, although since they were all equipped with headphones and wireless mikes, Sagal felt free to roam about as the show progressed (although he didn’t roam far from his script which was on the podium).

They’ve done this a while; the show, while live and "freeform" for much of it, was like a well-oiled machine.

The special guest was Chris Paul.  Now, I’m not a basketball fan at all, so I never heard of him.  For those simularly situated, he is a Winston-Salem native, and he attended Wake Forest.  He later became 2005-2006 NBA rookie of the year, and he plays point guard for the New Orleans Saints Hornets. He’s also, I might add, a really decent well-spoken guy.  His topic was "failed food products".  Despite not having a clue as to the answers, he managed to guess all of them right, enabling someone from Greensboro to have Carl Kasell’s voice on their answering machine.

It’s interesting to see a radio broadcast performed onstage.  They pretty much plow straight through.  There will be, to be sure, some editting — they went well over an hour, but it was fun to watch.  And it was kind of cool knowing that the show will air in a couple days to over 2.5 million listeners (not to mention god-knows-how-many podcast downloads).

I never found Roy Blount’s interjections on the show to be particularly humorous.  Last night was no exception.  Mo Rocca would get laughs, and then Blount would say something which would leave everybody scratching their heads.  Sagal would take a deep breathe and move on.

Toward the beginning of the show, the at-home call-in contestent was some guy from Concord, NH.  If you hear a clap (just one clap) from someone who seems to be sitting in the back row of the balcony, that’s me.  My NPR debut.

"Wait Wait Dont Tell Me!" airs this Saturday at 11 a.m. on 88.5 WFDD.  For people outside the Triad, check your local NPR listings.

P.S.:  Ran in to lots of people I knew in the audience.  One of them, Karen Robinson, had sent me this Youtube link, which may be funny only if you’ve been to law school.  I especially like it because I think the school depicted year is NYU Law….

That I Can Do, I Can Do That

Ken AshfordPersonalLeave a Comment

20060617ho_brawny_logo_230Picking up from this post yesterday, the Popular Machanics article lists 25 skills every man should know.  I’m not looking forward to this.

1. Patch a radiator hose

That’s in a car, right?  I guess that would be a NO.

2. Protect your computer

This I can do.  I suspect many women can too.  I mean, computers come with the protection software, right?  Still, I merit a YES

3. Rescue a boater who as capsized

What the hell?  Okay, what is a boater?  I assume that means a person who is on a boat.  But how can a person be capsized?  Sure, the boat can be capsized, but the person?  Sure, I know how to pull a person from the water, but…. Oh, well.  Since I don’t understand the question, I guess I get a NO

4. Frame a wall

I can put a frame on a wall.  Does that count?  Oh. okay.  NO

5. Retouch digital photosi

Why, YES, I can use my manly virile attributes and click "Clear redeye" on my Photoshop.  Arrrrrr!

6. Back up a trailer

Into what?  I suppose I could, but I’ve never had an opportunity to.  What’s the diffiulty?  I’ve backed up a large U-Haul and a school bus, so I’m giving myself a YES here.

7. Build a campfire

Presumably, I have matches, right?  I mean, I’m not like Tom Hanks on that island, right?  YES, I know how to do this.  Make a teepee with the wood blah blah blah….

8. Fix a dead outlet

Believe it or not, YES

9. Navigate with a map and compass

Hey!  I can navigate without a map and compass, too.  By the stars!  No kidding.  Big YES here.

10. Use a torque wrench

Okay.  I actually tried this not too long ago to replace my kitchen faucet.  Long story short, I lack a kitchen faucet.  NO

11. Sharpen a knife

Um, you use a knife sharpener.  YES

12. Perform CPR

YES.  Again I ask, why is this a "man" skill?

13. Fillet a fish

Ugh.  Why?  NO

14. Maneuver a car out of a skid

Yeah, but here’s the thing.  That whole "turn in to the skid" thing is crap.  You can’t recall it when you need it.  But the answer is YES

15. Get a car unstuck

Presumably, this does not mean call AAA to get the car unstuck.  But even still, I’m going to give myself a YES

16. Back up data

The answer is YES, but I don’t do it nearly as often as I should

17. Paint a room

YES

18. Mix concrete

And get all dirty? NO

19. Clean a bolt-action rifle

For the love of all things holy, NO

20. Change oil and filter

Well, I did once but as I recall, it was a fiasco.  So that’s a NO.  (Bet I could next time if I tried though)

21. Hook up an HDTV

Piece of cake.  That’s a YES

22. Bleed brakes

They bleed?  Really?  Okay.  Is that, like, a good thing?  Guess I deserve a NO on that one.

23. Paddle a canoe

Why, YES.  Not that hard really.

24. Fix a bike flat

Unless the technology has changed since, oh, twenty years ago, the answer is YES.

25. Extend your wireless network

Child’s play.  YES

*********

16 out of 25.  Better than I thought.