Bad Excuse

Ken AshfordCrime, Republicans, Sex ScandalsLeave a Comment

BoballenA month or so ago, I wrote about the Florida state congressman Bob Allen (a proud member of the GOP, of course) who was busted for soliciting sex. 

Specifically, he offered $20 to an undercover police for a blowjob.  Not to get a blowjob; Allen paid $20 to give one to the undercover officer.

Well, a little more has been revealed, and ol’ state Rep. Allen can explain everything.

[I]t turns out that Allen revealed the true reason for the alleged park-john-offer in a tape recorded statement he made just after his arrest.

“This was a pretty stocky black guy, and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park,” said Allen, according to this article in the Orlando Sentinel. Allen went on to say he was afraid of becoming a “statistic.”

OK, let me get this straight. Allen was in a public park, late at night. He’s afraid of black people. As a result of this irrational fear, he wanders into a bathroom, where he offers another man $20 to perform oral sex.

Listen, when I lived in New York City, I would, on occasion, be forced to walk through some pretty scary neighborhoods.  Back then, and even to some extent now, they are all somewhat scary after dark. 

But whenever I was in such a situation, and a group of hoods were down the block approaching me, I assure you that my first inclination was not to offer them blowjobs.

I found that crossing the street, or moving to a well-lit section, generally assured my safety.

But that’s just me.

The Red Shirt Phenomenon

Ken AshfordRandom MusingsLeave a Comment

RedshirtdownAn analytics experts examine the data, and discovers that — yes, indeed — the "red shirts" on Star Trek (the poor saps who beam down to the planet with Kirk) do indeed die with more regularity than their yellow or bllue shirt counterparts.

For those of you too uninterested in reading his scholarly article, perhaps you might enjoy his powerpoint slides (below the fold)….

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Six Years Ago Today

Ken AshfordWar on Terrorism/TortureLeave a Comment

BinladendeermiendLarry Johnson, a former CIA officer and the State Department’s counterterrorism chief, had written dozens of PDBs during Bush 41’s presidency.  PDBs, he said, are usually brief and dispassionate documents.

But the PDB dated of Aug. 6, 2001 was a page and a half, and had a title meant to capture the president’s attention.

It was "the intelligence-community equivalent of writing War and Peace,” Johnson said.

Johnson added that when he read the declassified document, “I said, ‘Holy smoke!’ This is such a dead-on ‘Mr. President, you’ve got to do something!’ ”

But Bush didn’t.

[A]n unnamed CIA briefer who flew to Bush’s Texas ranch during the scary summer of 2001, amid a flurry of reports of a pending al-Qaeda attack, to call the president’s attention personally to the now-famous Aug. 6, 2001, memo titled “Bin Ladin Determined to Strike in US.” Bush reportedly heard the briefer out and replied: “All right. You’ve covered your ass, now.”

During the entire summer of 2001, top intelligence officials — George Tenet, Richard Clarke, and others — were running around with their “hair on fire,” warning that al Qaeda was about to unleash a major attack. Bush, tragically, treated his intelligence briefings about Osama bin Laden as perfunctory chores that he had to endure. Based on the “covered your ass” comment, it was almost as if the president was humoring the CIA briefer.

And we all know what happened shortly after….

Lost Guns

Ken AshfordIraqLeave a Comment

I mentioned it briefly last week; today it leads the Washington Post:

The Pentagon has lost track of about 190,000 AK-47 assault rifles and pistols given to Iraqi security forces in 2004 and 2005, according to a new government report, raising fears that some of those weapons have fallen into the hands of insurgents fighting U.S. forces in Iraq.

The author of the report from the Government Accountability Office says U.S. military officials do not know what happened to 30 percent of the weapons the United States distributed to Iraqi forces from 2004 through early this year as part of an effort to train and equip the troops. The highest previous estimate of unaccounted-for weapons was 14,000, in a report issued last year by the inspector general for Iraq reconstruction.

A couple of things to keep in mind:

(1)  190,000 (the number of "lost" Ak-47s and pistols) far exceed the number of troops we have in Iraq.

(2)  That number represents the years 2004 and 2005 only.  Presumably, more were lost since then (in 2006 and 2007).

This story is worth keeping this story in mind next time someone presents evidence of an Iranian-produced gun in the hands of an insurgent as evidence that Iran is intentionally arming the insurgency.   Perhaps Iran is, but I think we need to distinguish between Iran and Iran’s black market, just as we distinguish between the U.S. and our black market.

Sur L’étang D’or [On Golden Pond]

Ken AshfordRandom MusingsLeave a Comment

Associated Press:

French President Nicolas Sarkozy yesterday lost it with two American news photographers covering his New Hampshire vacation – jumping onto their boat and loudly berated them.

The confrontation came as Sarkozy and his companions sailed along Lake Winnipesaukee.

He spotted Associated Press photographer Jim Cole and freelancer Vince DeWitt aboard Cole’s boat, which was outside a buoy barrier monitored by a patrol craft.

Before Sarkozy saw him, Cole had pulled up to the president’s boat and received permission to be there.

"He was happy and smiling and he waved at the security people as he was coming out," Cole said of Sarkozy. "And then he noticed us taking pictures and his happy demeanor diminished immediately."

The men watched through their lenses as Sarkozy pointed toward them and his boat began moving toward them. Coming alongside Cole’s boat, Sarkozy, clad only in swim trunks, jumped aboard and began shouting furiously in French.

"The president was very agitated, speaking French at a loud volume very rapidly," DeWitt said.

Both men repeatedly stated they did not speak French. Cole asked whether any of the passengers on Sarkozy’s boat spoke English.

A woman finally then spoke up in English and relayed Sarkozy’s request to be left alone.

Afterwards, Sarkozy and his young companion, Billy, went into Purgatory Cove to see if he could catch a trout named "Walter".  They returned empty-handed, and spent the evening trying to urge Chelsea into doing a goddamned back flip.

Tales Of Future Past

Ken AshfordHistoryLeave a Comment

Cool.  A whole website devoted to a subject I like: past depictions of the future.

Below is a magazine from the 1920’s predicting what the car of 1973 would look like:

Prediction201923

Guess they got that wrong.

In 1969, for only $10,000, Honeywell offered a kitchen computer, which would store recipes, tell you which dishes you can make with the ingredients on hand,  and balance your checkbook.  You had to take a two-week course in order to use it.

Kitchecomputer2002_2

Bet you feel like an idiot now if you bought one of these.

The Education of Edward Daley

Ken AshfordRight Wing Punditry/IdiocyLeave a Comment

Rightwing columnist Edward Daley penned a column this weekend entitled "A Few Questions For Liberals".  No doubt these questions will be as loaded as "When did you stop beating your wife?", but having nothing better to do, I am happy to answer Mr. Daley, and maybe he will learn something.

1) The modern American "peace movement" is responsible for the deaths of far more people than the U.S.-involved wars its members have protested over the past half century. Why then are so many Americans still convinced that going to war is the worst thing our country can do?

Let’s start with that mind-blowing premise: that the "peace movement" is responsible for more deaths than actual war.

No, on second thought, let’s not.

Instead let’s just reflect on that premise, and pick the piece of our cerebral cortex off of the splattered-on wall.

Now on to the question. Many Americans don’t think going to war is the worst thing out country can do.  It really depends on the war, doesn’t it, Ed?   I know of few Americans who — even today — think fighting the Taliban and al Qaeda in Afghanistan was a bad idea.  It’s leaving that war to start some stupid folly in Iraq that is bad.

Going into meaningless unwinnable wars bring us nothing, but a drastic decline in American prestige, and — oh, yeah — needless deaths.

2) Over the course of its existence, our planet has been much colder and much warmer than it is today, having endured periodic ice ages and various cataclysmic natural events. That being the case, why would anyone choose to believe that human beings are responsible for the earth’s most recent, and relatively mild, climatic shift?

Because the same science that has informed us about the periodic ice ages and the cataclysmic natural events is telling us now that the global climatic shift is due to a century of pumping dangerous flourocarbons and greenhouse gases into the atmosphere.  Why would thousands of scientiests make this up?

3) The Bush doctrine of preemptive warfare would — in all likelihood — have saved tens of millions of lives had it been implemented against Nazi Germany prior to Hitler’s invasion of Poland in 1939. So why do human rights activists today insist that stopping Islamofascists from acquiring nuclear weapons isn’t worth the cost in human life?

Hmmm.  The Bush doctrine of preemptive warfare would — in all likelihood — have killed hundreds of millions of lives had it been implemented during the Cold War against Russia.  Ever think of that?  In any event, I’m all for stopping Islamofascists from acquiring nuclear weapons.  The problem is that Saddam was hardly an Islamofascist and is ability to acquire nuclear weapons was nil.  The doctrine of pre-emption is fine — Clinton engaged in pre-emptive strikes against Iraq for years explicitly for the purpose of preventing them from obtaining WMDs.  It worked by the way, and we didn’t find ourselves in the deadly morass we are in now.

4) Monetary transactions between private citizens are what fuel our economy. The government taxes private citizens, thereby removing money from the economy. Since economic growth is dependent upon increased monetary transactions within the private sector, why do Democrat lawmakers routinely propose raising taxes, especially on those citizens who invest the most money in our economy?

Ed, you are a moron.  Yes, the government taxes private citizens, but that doesn’t remove money from the economy.  What do you think the government does with that money?  It spends it.  And that money often goes into the private sector, this fueling the economy.  The government builds a road.  Building that road employs people.  Those people get paid.  They spend that money.  And so it goes.  (Also, the road itself enables business to transport their goods from point A to point B, also helping the economy).

As for taxing the people who "invest" (i.e., spend) the most money in our economy, who do you propose be taxed?  Those who can’t afford it?  There is nothing wrong — in fact, it is a moral right — to tax more those who benefit most from capitalism.  Don’t worry — they will still come out ahead.  In the words of Charlie Sheen, "How many yachts can you waterski behind?" 

5) The word viable — as it applies to human beings — means capable of life or normal growth and development. An unborn human being during every stage of gestation is clearly alive and capable of normal development, unless he or she is genetically predisposed to abnormal growth or is hindered in some way from developing naturally by an external force. That being the case, why do some people argue that unborn human beings are non-viable during the earliest stages of their development, and therefore, appropriate candidates for abortion?

Ed, you are (intentionally?) blurring the distinction between viable (which, as you say, means "capable  of life" and life itself.  Nobody argues that unborn human beings are "non-viable", but they argue that (at certain early stage) they are not LIFE. 

In any event, the abortion debate turns on the question of "what is life" — a question with scientific, moral, and religious overtones.  There is no right answer as to when life begins — it is a matter of opinion.  Personal opinion.  A deeply personal opinion.  Pro-choice is not anti-abortion; it simply means that the choice of when life begins for a fetus should be left to the individual, not the government that you apparently despise so much.

6) The Geneva Conventions’ protocols relative to the treatment of prisoners of war, were created for the purpose of holding the signatories of the various treaties which make up those Conventions to a certain moral standard of behavior during times of war. Any entity, be it a nation, group, or individual, that does not adhere to the standards set forth therein, is not subject to the Conventions’ protections under international law. How then can one justify affording such protections to terrorists, who ignore all of the aforementioned behavioral standards?

The problem with that line of thinking is: Who decides who is a "terrorist"?  A guy who gets picked up off the streets in Kabul — is he a terrorist or not?  If not, he is a civilian (a non-combatant), and subject to protection under the Geneva Conventions whether or not he (or his country) is a signatory or not.

Oh, and one last thing…

7) If George W. Bush is as stupid as so many liberals claim, how did he manage to steal an election, mastermind 9/11, cover up his administration’s involvement in that event after the fact, con practically every Congressional Democrat into going to war with Iraq just so he could further enrich his cronies in the oil industry, single-handedly destroy every American’s civil rights via the Patriot Act, and then steal a second election on top of all that? And if he’s really an evil genius, which he’d surely have to be to get away with even half of those things, why aren’t his primary political adversaries in prison on trumped-up criminal charges right now… or dead?

Can’t answer that.  My brain exploded again.

New Rules

Ken AshfordWiretapping & SurveillanceLeave a Comment

Firedoglake sums up the new wiretapping law that the Democratic-controlled Congress just approved (and Bush signed):

Under just some of the revisions, NSA can spy on any call you make to or receive from another country (or a place the AG reasonable believes is to/from another country), without a warrant, as long as Alberto Gonzales and the Director NSA claim they reasonably believe it involves “foreign intelligence.” There doesn’t have to be any connection with a foreign power with whom we are war or terrorist group. Just you and your foreign friends is enough. The FISA court may examine the overall process in some undefined, rubberstamp way, but it cannot consider the reasonableness of your individual case. Any pretense that the 4th Amendment applies is gone.

James Risen writes more details in the New York Times today:

Congressional aides and others familiar with the details of the law said that its impact went far beyond the small fixes that administration officials had said were needed to gather information about foreign terrorists. They said seemingly subtle changes in legislative language would sharply alter the legal limits on the government’s ability to monitor millions of phone calls and e-mail messages going in and out of the United States.

….For example, if a person in Indianapolis calls someone in London, the National Security Agency can eavesdrop on that conversation without a warrant, as long as the N.S.A.’s target is the person in London.

Tony Fratto, a White House spokesman, said Sunday in an interview that the new law went beyond fixing the foreign-to-foreign problem, potentially allowing the government to listen to Americans calling overseas.

But he stressed that the objective of the new law is to give the government greater flexibility in focusing on foreign suspects overseas, not to go after Americans.

"It’s foreign, that’s the point," Mr. Fratto said. "What you want to make sure is that you are getting the foreign target."

….The new law gives the attorney general and the director of national intelligence the power to approve the international surveillance, rather than the special intelligence court. The court’s only role will be to review and approve the procedures used by the government in the surveillance after it has been conducted. It will not scrutinize the cases of the individuals being monitored.

This is a horrible horrible law and a huge blow to the civil liberties of every American.  As Drum notes:

So that’s that. The government is now legally allowed to monitor all your calls overseas with only the most minimal oversight. But don’t worry. I’m sure they’ll never misuse this power. They never have before, have they?

Publius is concerned that there was no public debate about whether the government should be able to freely listen in on all our foreign communications.

It’s pretty clear that the administration wants the authority to conduct electronic surveillance basically anywhere and anytime for anti-terrorism purposes. Perhaps I’m naïve, but I think they’re motivated by good intentions. R egardless though, if you want this type of power, come out and say it. Let’s have a debate on that specific question.

Maybe privacy is quaint in the age of digitally-enabled terror. Maybe we need to rely on the political process (i.e., elections) for protection. I disagree with both views, but we should at least have that debate. Say what you will about John Yoo, he at least doesn’t pull punches. He wants a vast expansion of executive power and doesn’t try to dress it up in different clothes.

But "different clothes" is exactly what we got with the FISA debate. We got the White House spokesman pretending to affirm strong privacy and civil rights protections. We got a bunch of meaningless oversight procedures that do nothing but give the appearance of oversight. That’s not how democracy is supposed to work. More to the point, democracy can’t work when the terms of important debates are cloaked in dishonesty and Kabuki.

Professor Lederman has a nice wrap-up of posts and links.

One Of These Days…

Ken AshfordPopular Culture1 Comment

Logo_2006_1I’m going to do like my brother and spend a couple of weeks in Edinburgh Scotland, going to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.  It’s huge.  2006’s Festival Fringe saw hundreds of groups putting on 1,867 different shows with a total of 28,014 performances in 261 venues.

But setting side comedy shows, dance performances, music events, and all that, and just considering theatrical plays and musicals alone, you have this year — wait for it — 765 different productions.

With that many theatrical productions, it’s not surprising to see duplicates over the course of the three-week festival.  There are, for example, two stagings of Hair, done by two different companies.  Two stagings of Godspell by two different companies.  Two stagings of High School Musical by two different companies.  Two stagings of Little Shop of Horrors by two different companies …and so on.

Then you have other old and new favorites:  The Full Monty, Debbie Does Dallas: The Musical, Zombie Prom, Les Miserables, Pippin, Chicago, Urinetown, Working, etc.

And I’m just focusing on musicals here.

Of course, what makes the fringe festival truly "fringe" are the NEW and original shows.  Here’s a sampling of some of the orignal musical offerings:

Jihad: The Musical Sensational – a new musical comedy set to incite violent applause and a new cult following. Featuring insightful satirical sequences including ‘I Wanna Be Like Osama’. The West shall not be won (again) so long as we have a high-kicking chorus line!

MOD! – Fab! Irreverent! Totally Groovy! Rory is determined to be the Fifth Beatle. Teen angst set against the backdrop of the Beatles invasion of America. An original musical inspired by the British pop of the early 60s.

Why You’re Ugly And Fat And Everybody Hates You! – Follow the stories of 14 people living the critique of self-help books! This sexy musical cynically explores the complexities of the modern relationship, whilst one electrifying song follows another!

Orgasm – The Musical!Not sure what this is about, but it seems rather obvious.

Skin Deep – A fun, energetic musical that tackles body issues affecting teenagers. This innovative piece is an insight into the many demons that invade teenagers’ lives. A no-nonsense script that questions the effects of media manipulation.

Seriously.  Pet Shop Boys.  Reinterpreted. – A musical apparently based on the music of the Pet Shop Boys.  Seriously

There’s also — not one, but TWO — original musicals based on Tony Blair, both with unimaginative titles.  The first one is Tony Blair – The Musical and the other is entitled Tony – The Blair Musical

Poster_01And the title of this musical caught my eye: Xenu Is Loose! Cower Puny Humans As The Dark Prince of The Galactic Federation Rains Atomic Death Once More Upon Your Pitiful Planet – The Musical

Don’t ask me what it is about.

[UPDATE:  Okay.  I found out what it is about from the show website:

Xenu is Loose is a new satirical Sci-Fi Musical based on the beliefs of the Cult of Scientology.

Jennifer, a young, beautiful high-school student finds her life transformed when she discovers the purifying power of L Ron. Hubbard’s Scientology. But when Xenu, Alien Overlord and timeless nemesis of all that is good, escapes his ancient galactic prison; she and handsome Scientologist Troy must summon every ounce of cunning and resourcefulness to save the world from, like, Total Atomic Destruction.

Sounds like a Jamie show]

Some other non-musical highlights include Potted Potter, a reading/performance of the first 6 Harry Potter books (in 60 minutes), Can You Get A World Record In Rap With Richard Coughlan?, where one man attempts to do 9 hours straight of comedy, Man Of Steel, about mad chefs (this is a puppet show performed with kitchen utensils), and Bouncy Castle MacBeth, which is Shakespeare’s classic performed in one of those inflatable bouncy castles.

There’s a lot of serious stuff, too.  Many future West End and Broadway and off-Broadway productions are hatched at the festival, so it would be great to go one year.

17th’s A Charm

Ken AshfordSex/Morality/Family ValuesLeave a Comment

I’ve blogged about them before, so regular readers of this site might be interested to know that the Dugger couple just welcomed the birth of their 17th kid — a daughter, named Jennifer.

Jennifer joins siblings Joshua, 19; John David, 17; Janna, 17; Jill, 16; Jessa, 14; Jinger, 13; Joseph, 12; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 9; Jedidiah, 8; Jeremiah, 8; Jason 7; James 6; Justin, 4; Jackson, 3; Johannah, almost  2.

In the words of Groucho Marx: "I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.”

Disaster Porn

Ken AshfordDisastersLeave a Comment

It’s rare that agree with James Lileks, but I agree with him here.  Describing a news story (available here) which lets you listen to the screams of the children on the bus in the Minneapolis bridge collapse (one of the children called her Mom and left a voice mail immediately after it happened), Lileks writes:

You know what? I don’t want to hear the screams from inside the bus. I don’t want to hear someone’s kid shrieking in panic, begging her mom to come save her. Why would I?

This is the point in the story where we start to debate what’s news, and what’s just disaster-porn. I’m not making the comparison here, because they’re different events in every way. But nothing about 9/11 hit me as hard as the memorial wall on Grand Central Station, a collection of all the fliers and MISSING posters people had stuck up at the site after the Twin Towers were destroyed. They were mute, handmade pleas, and believe it or not, they didn’t need a voice over that said “for now the family sits and waits, wondering what the news will be” or whatever generic tag gets slapped at the end of the grieving-survivor boilerplate story.

I understand why they do those stories, but I have a hard time watchng them. I don’t want to wonder if the cameraman’s wondering how close he should go on the face to get the tears, because on one hand this person is experiencing great private grief, but on the other hand the light is hitting that teardrop just perfectly. Mostly I want them to leave the people alone. I don’t need to be told what they’re feeing. I can guess.

Yeah.  I tend to agree.  I think I am at that point, too.

You Sockdologizing Old Man-trap!

Ken AshfordRandom MusingsLeave a Comment

An interest website showing English words that are no longer used.  Having taken a brief look, I can say with confidence: these words will not be missed.

A sample:

novaturient adj 1679 -1679
desiring changes or alterations
The novel’s author rightly rejected the novaturient wishes of the screenwriters
orgiophant n 1886 -1886
one who presides over orgies
The orgiophant had dozens of hangers-on who sought to attend his parties.
quibbleism n 1836 -1836
practice of quibbling
His carping and quibbleism earned him much scorn, a fact of which he was oblivious.

I noticed that one of my favorite old-timey words is not on the list.  That word is "sockdologizing".  History buffs will recognize this word — it’s from the play Our American Cousin, the play that President Lincoln was watching when he was assassinate.  Booth, an actor, was familiar with the play, and intentionally waited for a laugh line, where the audience would howl with delight, on which to fire his pistol.  The line he waited for was spoken by actor Henry Hawks:

"Well, I guess I know enough to turn you inside out, old gal, you sockdologizing old man-trap!"

It was the biggest laugh line of the play, which speaks badly for 18th century humor.

"Sockdologize" was a slang term which became very popular in the United States during the 1850’s and 1860’s.  It means a forceful or decisive blow, a finisher, something that ends, or settles a matter and leaves nothing else to follow, a knockdown blow, a decisive overwhelming finish, reply argument, conclusive remark, or blow, which leaves no possible response.

Even though the word "sockdologize" is virtually extinct, it still lives on in varient forms, such as ""He gave me a sock in the jaw," or "Sock-it-to-me".

Anyway, I hope someday to call someone a "sockdologizing old man-trap", although I’m still not sure on what occasion I would have an opportunity to do so.