Broadway Bites

Ken AshfordPopular CultureLeave a Comment

(1) From the Playbill Tony backstage blog:

11:14 PM The happiest producers of the evening have now joined the press folk: the Spring Awakening producers. When asked whether there are other productions planned of the Tony-winning Best Musical, the producers said, "Yes, we do. There’s going to be a road company. It’s already taking form now. I think we already have 72 weeks booked, and then there’s going to be productions in England, in Germany, Austria, France, Spain, Japan, Korea, Israel, Australia. We’re getting inquiries from all over the world." The producers said Germany and Austria are particularly excited over the prospect of presenting the musical, which is not too surprising since the work is based on the Frank Wedekind drama of the same name.

(2)  Also, Pirate Queen out; Young Frankenstein in — previews start October 11.

(3)  Good article on Broadway bloopers.  An example:

JONATHAN GROFF stars in the hit Off-Broadway transfer "Spring Awakening," for which he is nominated as lead actor.

Near-disaster: As Melchior in "Spring Awakening."

"There’s a scene where I’m supposed to beat [actress] Lea Michele with a switch. I don’t know if I was getting stronger or the sticks were getting weaker, but for five performances in a row, they kept breaking. The day Sarah Jessica Parker was in the audience, it broke and flew into the seventh row, and it hit some lady in the head."

There are also contributions from Nathan Lane, Brian Dennehy, Kristin Chenowith…

(4)  Mo Rocca’s thoughts on the nominated plays:

The Plays: Oh, right, the plays. This is where everyone feels a little bit guilty. They don’t get the attention of the press. They don’t get the dollars from the tourists. They don’t get much play on the Tony telecast. (To be fair: Would you rather watch the cast of Mary Poppins kick up their heels to ”Supercalifragilistic” or…listen to The Year of Magical Thinking‘s Vanessa Redgrave drone on about what a drag it is being a widow? Be honest!) Still, this year’s crop of Best Play nominees is imposing, Tom Stoppard’s Coast of Utopia and Peter Morgan’s Frost/Nixon among them. I really should go see them.

(5)  Does winning a Tony make a difference?  Depends:

Jeff Whitty, Tony-winning librettist of Avenue Q: "We were doing fine, but we weren’t playing to capacity. After we won the Tony, we were brought up to capacity. The premise [of the show] is so hard to get across. People thought it was a children’s show, and it is adolescent and smutty. Winning the Tony pushed people over their initial reluctance to see a show with puppets."

Harold Prince, who received one of his 21 Tonys as director of The Phantom of the Opera: "I wish I could say that the Tony Award had genuine impact . . . but I think we were running strong even before we arrived in America [from London]. It didn’t make much [immediate] difference [at the box office]. However, had we lost it . . . who knows?"

(6)  With Spring Awakening, there are 7 other Tony-Winning "Best Musicals" still playing on Broadway.  Can you name them?  (No, we’re not counting revivals of A Chorus Line and Les Miz, which both won "Best Musical" for the original productions).  Answers below the fold…

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Liveblogging The Tonys

Ken AshfordPopular Culture3 Comments

Lg_tonys2007_posterI’m going to enjoy this year’s Tonys more than usual, because I saw Spring Awakening (expected to sweep most musical awards) and Curtains (not expected to do well) a few months ago.

Heather did the early work so I don’t have to (also because I missed it):

7:30pm – first award! The Jersey Boys present the award for best orchestrations to Duncan Sheik for Spring Awakening! His acceptance speech was so beautiful! I almost cried!

7:32pm – Best Lighting for a Play – Coast of Utopia. Ken did say to pick this one for everything! So far I am 2 for 2! Why did they need 3 people to design lighting for this show?

7:36pm – Best Lighting for a Musical – Spring Awakening! They are going to sweep this thing.

7:39pm – Best Costume Design of a Play – The Coast of Utopia. I am only 3 for 4 now as I chose Mary Poppins for best lighting for a Musical.

7:41pm – Best Costume Design for a Musical – Grey Gardens. I think that makes me 3 for 5 because I was sure Legally Blonde would won. Oh well, William Ivey Long says he was sure Spring Awakening would win. I guess we were both wrong.

7:44pm – Best Scenic Design of a Play – The Coast of Utopia. 4/6

7:46pm – Best Scenic Design of a Musical – Mary Poppins. 5/7

7:50pm – The Jersey Boys were hysterical in their little run down before the show. I have never seen them give those directions to people about how many seconds they have and when they can use the bathroom. Too funny! Now we just wait for the show to start!

Okay, I’m 6 for 7.  Like Heather, I missed best costumes for a musical.  I picked Mary Poppins.

8:00 pm:  Here we go.  I just want to say that Marvin Hamlisch is fat.  I like the outdoor thing.  Like the list of presenters.

8:05 pm:  Angela looks great.

Best Featured Actor in a Play:  No surprise.  I knew it would be either Crudup or Hawke from Coast of Utopia.  But I said Hawke, so I have to stick with it.  6 out of 8.

8:10 pm:  SOOOOOO glad John Gallagher won for Best Featured Actor in a Musical (Spring Awakening)!  I figured him for being upset.  I’m glad I was wrong!!  How great for a young actor.  6 out of 9.

8:15 pm: Curtains coming up.  I just didn’t like that show.

8:20 pm: Best Book — Steven Sater for Spring Awakening.  He has a son?  "Obviously adopted" says Cheryl.  He’s losing it.  7 out of 10.

Here comes the song from Curtains.  Hold on.  It’s a shame that the great team of Kander & Ebb ended their career together with such a sub-par show. 

Nice standing O for Kander.

Ugh.  The Curtains number.  David Hyde Pierce (the only good thing about the show) is still doing that Boston accent that he was doing in the preview show I saw.

This number is unmemorable.  Like the rest of Curtains.

8:35 pm:  Idina looks well.

Best Original Score:  Duncan Shiek and Sater for Spring Awakening.  No surprise.  "Musical theatre rocks!"  Yes, indeed, Duncan.

I’m 8 out of 11.

8:38 pm: Mary Louise Wilson (Grey Gardens) wins Best Featured Actress in Musical.  Very funny acceptance speech from a longtime Broadway vet.  (9/12 for me)

Are they doing excerpts for revivals as well?

Audra MacDonald rocks.

8:50 pm: Best Choreography for Bill Jones for Spring Awakening.  To be honest, this is a bit of surprise.  There simply wasn’t a lot of dancing in the show.  He’s riding on the coattails of everyone else.  (9/13 for me).  I still think Jerry Mitchell should have won (Legally Blonde).

Best Feaatured Actress in a Play: Jennifer Ehle for Coast of Utipoa.  I predicted the other woman, Martha Plimpton. (9/14)

The song from Mary Poppins.  I can’t get excited about this show.  Just part of the awful Disneyfication of Broadway.  Wait 6 years, and every community theater in the country will be doing this show all at the same time.  Kinda like Beauty and the Beast.

9:09 pm:  Harry Smith?  Why?  Nice montage to plays — I wish they could have done more.

Hey, Liev.  Great actor.  I hope he wins later, but I don’t think he will.

Love Eddie Izzard.  Hope to see his standup sometime.  Best Special Theatrical Event — who cares?  Of course, with a 50/50 shot, I of course pick the wrong one.  (9/15).

Best Direction goes to Jack O’Brien for Coast of Utopia. (10/16).  Not a surprise.

9:22 pm: Cute chandelier thing.  I was just about to tune out.  Jesus, John Mahoney looks old.

Ooops they tried to bleep the "goddamn" and missed.  Heh.

And I say again, Marvin Hamlisch is faaaaaaaaaat.

Musicals of the year montage — is that Didi Conn in Luvemusik?  I LOVE her!  I guess this is the montage of rather shitty musicals.  Except for Legally Blonde.

9:30 pm:  Harry Connick, Jr.  Just saw him in Bug (the movie).  He played a baddie.

Best Director of Musical: Michael Mayer for Spring Awakening.  Yaaay! (11/17)  How many has it won so far?  Seven.  Seven!

Raul Esparza sings "Being Alive" from Company.  He will win later, as will Company for Best Revival.  He’s very good.  I’m not a big fan of the song (it was THE audition song 20 years ago, and I got sick of it), but he’s nailing it.  WOW!

9:40 pm:  Best Play — is there any doubt?  Oh, they psyched me out.  It’s Best Revival.  I guessed Journey’s End, but they are all good.

And I was right. 12 out of 18.  Don’t know much about this play, but it looks interesting.

The Tribute to the dead:  I’ll miss Kitty Carlyle, Charles Nelson Reilly, Roscoe Lee Brown, Mako, and Bernard Hughes.

Battery running low here.  Uh-oh.

Man, CBS is really plugging this new Las Vegas series — Viva Melanie Griffith.  Or whatever.

9:50 pm: Got to love Kevin Spacey.  Best Musical Revival.  Company.  I guessed right — 13 out of 19.  Whoops.  Went a little over in your speechtime, boys.

10:00 pm: Best Leading Actress: Julie White (The Little Dog Laughed).  I thought she might upset Angela and Vanessa.  Actually, not really an upset, since she was the odds-on favorite.  Very funny speech.  13 out of 20.  What a loon, but she certainly zapped some energy in to the show.

10:10 pm:  Battery died, and Cheryl is letting me use her laptop.  Just so long as I don’t have greasy popcorn fingers. 

This Jersey Boys revival isn’t very good.  A bit of disappointment.

Best Leading Actor: What a great category.  They are phenomenal actors.  Frank Langella won, as I predicted.  I saw him years ago in "Dracula".  Fantastic actor.  Don’t worry, Liev.  Your day will come (14 out of 21, I think).

10:15 pm:  Patrick Wilson ("Full Monty") introduces Christine Ebersol doing Grey Gardens.  Nice song, I guess.  I don’t know the music from Grey Gardens, and that song didn’t sell me.

I swear to God — if I see one more ad for that Las Vegas show on CBS, I’m going to go postal.

10:25 pm:  NOW it’s Best Play — Tom Stoppard’s The Coast of Utopia.  This is one of the few geniuses of the theater — at least in the playwriting arena.  The Real Thing is one of my favorite plays. (15 out of 22)

10:30 pm:  FINALLY!  The Spring Awakening segment!  Ugh — they’ve sanitized it!  How can you sing the song "Totally Fucked" without singing the word "fucked"?  I mean, I guess you HAVE to, but why edit some of the other words from "The Bitch of Living" — especially if you are going to use the word "bitch"? 

I mean, instead of saying "let those apples fall" (meaning breasts), they sing "Oh I want it all"?  Laaame.

Good performance though.  High energy despite the censorship.

10:42 pm:  Not a big Fantasia fan.  I’m zoning out.  Why are we plugging a show that is from last year?

10:45 pm:  We’re getting to the big ones.

Bernadette and Harvey.  I can’t take his voice.

DAVID HYDE PIERCE for Best Actor in a Musical????   Holy carp!  Now that was an upset!  To his credit, he was the best thing in Curtains.  He carried that show on his back, and he deserves the award.  I picked it wrong.  Amazing about Raul not getting it though.  15 out of 23.

Christine Ebersol bags the Best Actress in a Musical. as everybody said she would.  (16 out of 24).

10:55 pm: Last award of the evening.  Not even necessary to guess.  If it’s not Spring Awakening, I don’t know what to say.

And it is. Holy shit.  Tom Hulce is almost as fat as Marvin Hamlisch.

They’re done, and so am I. I think I got 17 out of 25.  Pretty respectable.

UPDATE:  New York Times write-up.  Spring Awakening took 8 Tonys altogether.  Associated Press says it is a record-breaker:

"Spring Awakening," a pounding post-rock musical of teenage sexual anxiety, and Tom Stoppard’s "The Coast of Utopia," a sprawling tale of 19th century Russian intellectuals, dominated the 2007 Tony Awards Sunday.

"Spring Awakening" captured eight awards, including best musical, and "The Coast of Utopia" had seven, including best play, a Tony record. The previous record was six, held by "Death of A Salesman" and "History Boys."

Is this true?

Okay.  Did a little googling.  The AP article is correct, but confusing (or perhaps I’ve had too much wine).  "The Coast of Utopia" won the most Tonys for a non-musical (with seven).  The Producers still holds the most for a musical, with a total of 12.

God Golly Miss Molly

Ken AshfordPopular CultureLeave a Comment

Mollycharity Not a big fan of Sweet Charity — despite some good songs, it’s a bit dated.  But I never saw the 2005 revival (with Christina Applegate), and the first national tour was coming through North Carolina with Molly Ringwald ("The Breakfast Club", "Pretty in Pink") in the title role.

I was actually pretty impressed.  Molly is, of course, far beyond her John Hughes movie days, but she’s no has-been.  She’s been busy on Broadway, off-Broadway, on the L.A. stage, and the West End (where she played the lead in the stage production of When Harry Met Sally). 

Gone is the baby fat that she had a a teenager, but still there is the full lip pout.  Actually, when she carried that New York accent, she looked like a red-headed Melanie Griffith.

But how was she?  Very good, in fact.  She’s got a wonderful voice.  Who would have thunk? She’s not the strongest dancer, but she didn’t look awkward (just not as energetic as the rest).  And frankly, her character doesn’t need to be.

Acting opposite her was Guy Adkins, who was excellent as Charity’s "weird" but "nice" love interest.  His claustrophobic reaction to be caught in an elevator with Charity was the comic highlight of the evening, 2003299389 as he (literally) climbed the walls.  Not "climbed" — more like "oozed".

The supporting cast was strong, as one would expect from the first national tour.  Gone was the fosse-esque dancing, replaced by the more powerful and fascinating pugilistic choreographic stylings of Wayne Cilento.  The reorchestrations also kicked up the notch on an otherwise dated musical — especially with such songs as "The Rhythm of Life".

All-in-all, a wonderful production.

BLOGGING NOTE:  With any luck, I will be live-blogging the Tonys tonight.

Making The Email Rounds

Ken AshfordWomen's IssuesLeave a Comment

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, the following chain of events is put into motion:

Routine:
1. The woman buys the food.
2. The woman makes a salad, prepares vegetables, and makes dessert.
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill, drink in hand.

Here comes the important part:
4. THE…..MAN…..PLACES…..THE…..MEAT…..ON…..THE…..GRILL.

More routine:
5. The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another drink while he deals with the situation.

Important again:
7. THE…..MAN…..TAKES…..THE…..MEAT…..OFF…..THE…..GRILL…..AND…
HANDS…..IT…..TO…..THE…..WOMAN .

More routine:
8. The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins and sauces and brings them to the table.
9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
10. Everyone PRAISES THE MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
11. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off” and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women!

Tony Predictions

Ken AshfordPopular CultureLeave a Comment

Okay, my predictions (in bold):

Best Play
The Coast of Utopia
Frost/Nixon
The Little Dog Laughed
Radio Golf

My understanding, from what I have read, is that Coast is a shoo-in for virtually everything.  I mean, it’s freakin’ TRILOGY!  I know "Radio Golf’ is August Wilson’s last play and "Frost/Nixon" has had much acclaim, but I’m going with Stoppard.  Never go against Stoppard.

Below: scenes from The Coast of Utopia

Best Musical
Curtains
Grey Gardens
Mary Poppins
Spring Awakening

Spring Awakening is the hands-down favorite here, although Gray Gardens might pull an upset.

Below: The girls of the cast performs "My Junk"

Best Book of a Musical
Curtains, Rupert Holmes & Peter Stone
Grey Gardens, Doug Wright
Legally Blonde The Musical, Heather Hach
Spring Awakening, Steven Sater

Best Original Score
Curtains
Music: John Kander
Lyrics: Fred Ebb, John Kander & Rupert Holmes

Grey Gardens
Music: Scott Frankel
Lyrics: Michael Korie

Legally Blonde The Musical
Music & Lyrics: Laurence O’Keefe and Nell Benjamin

Spring Awakening
Music: Duncan Sheik
Lyrics: Steven Sater

Jesus, the score to Curtains was awful.

Best Revival of a Play
Inherit the Wind
Journey’s End
Talk Radio
Translations

Lot of buzz about Inherit The Wind, but I still think it is going to be Journey’s End

Best Revival of a Musical
The Apple Tree
A Chorus Line
Company
110 in the Shade

John Doyle’s reworking of "Company" is the odds-on favorite.  But remember, last year Doyle’s reworking of "Sweeney Todd" was the odds-on favorite, and it lost to "The Pajama Game".  History might repeat itself.

Best Special Theatrical Event
Jay Johnson: The Two and Only
Kiki & Herb Alive on Broadway

Best Performance By a Leading Actor in a Play
Boyd Gaines, Journey’s End
Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon
Brían F. O’Byrne, The Coast of Utopia
Christopher Plummer, Inherit the Wind
Liev Schreiber, Talk Radio

Just about anyone can win best actor — they’re all front runners.  While Schreiber is my sentimental favorite, I’m going to with Langella for his protrayal of Nixon.

Best Performance By a Leading Actress in a Play
Eve Best, A Moon for the Misbegotten
Swoozie Kurtz, Heartbreak House
Angela Lansbury, Deuce
Vanessa Redgrave, The Year of Magical Thinking
Julie White, The Little Dog Laughed

Smart money is on Julie White, and my sentimental fave is Swoozie Kurtz.  But I’m giving the tip to Venessa, because of the subject matter of the play she’s in.

Best Performance By a Leading Actor in a Musical
Michael Cerveris, LoveMusik
Raúl Esparza, Company
Jonathan Groff, Spring Awakening
Gavin Lee, Mary Poppins
David Hyde Pierce, Curtains

It should be Raul, who has been the buzz of Broadway for this performance (see video below).  Hyde Pierce was about the only thing good about Curtains, and might have an outside shot.

Best Performance By a Leading Actress in a Musical
Laura Bell Bundy, Legally Blonde The Musical
Christine Ebersole, Grey Gardens
Audra McDonald, 110 in the Shade
Debra Monk, Curtains
Donna Murphy, LoveMusik

Ebersole.  She’s been the front-runner for a long time.   Despite some latecomers, I think she’ll pull it out.

Below: Legally Blonde: The Musical and Christine Ebersole in Grey Gardens

Best Performance By a Featured Actor in a Play
Anthony Chisholm, Radio Golf
Billy Crudup, The Coast of Utopia
Ethan Hawke, The Coast of Utopia
John Earl Jelks, Radio Golf
Stark Sands, Journey’s End

Just a guess, because I like him and it’s a popular play.  But it could be the other nominee from Utopia.

Best Performance By a Featured Actress in a Play
Jennifer Ehle, The Coast of Utopia
Xanthe Elbrick, Coram Boy
Dana Ivey, Butley
Jan Maxwell, Coram Boy
Martha Plimpton, The Coast of Utopia

Just a guess, because I like her and it’s a popular play.  But it could be the other nominee from Utopia.

Best Performance By a Featured Actor in a Musical
Brooks Ashmanskas, Martin Short: Fame Becomes Me
Christian Borle, Legally Blonde The Musical
John Cullum, 110 in the Shade
John Gallagher, Jr., Spring Awakening
David Pittu, LoveMusik

Although I liked Gallagher, I think that play was more of an ensemble piece, with no single person standing out.  I’m going with Pittu, but it’s largely a guess.

Best Performance By a Featured Actress in a Musical
Charlotte d’Amboise, A Chorus Line
Rebecca Luker, Mary Poppins
Orfeh, Legally Blonde The Musical
Mary Louise Wilson, Grey Gardens
Karen Ziemba, Curtains

Either Wilson or D’Ambroise.  Coin toss almost.

Best Direction of a Play
Michael Grandage, Frost/Nixon
David Grindley, Journey’s End
Jack O’Brien, The Coast of Utopia
Melly Still, Coram Boy

Best Direction of a Musical
John Doyle, Company
Scott Ellis, Curtains
Michael Greif, Grey Gardens
Michael Mayer, Spring Awakening

Best Choreography
Rob Ashford, Curtains
Matthew Bourne and Stephen Mear, Mary Poppins
Bill T. Jones, Spring Awakening
Jerry Mitchell, Legally Blonde the Musical

While I enjoyed the choreo of Curtains and Spring Awakening, I think Mitchell’s got this one.

Best Orchestrations
Bruce Coughlin, Grey Gardens
Duncan Sheik, Spring Awakening
Jonathan Tunick, LoveMusik
Jonathan Tunick, 110 in the Shade

Best Scenic Design of a Play
Bob Crowley & Scott Pask, The Coast of Utopia
Jonathan Fensom, Journey’s End
David Gallo, Radio Golf
Ti Green and Melly Still, Coram Boy

Best Scenic Design of a Musical
Bob Crowley, Mary Poppins
Christine Jones, Spring Awakening
Anna Louizos, High Fidelity
Allen Moyer, Grey Gardens

Best Costume Design of a Play
Ti Green and Melly Still, Coram Boy
Jane Greenwood, Heartbreak House
Santo Loquasto, Inherit the Wind
Catherine Zuber, The Coast of Utopia

Best Costume Design of a Musical
Gregg Barnes, Legally Blonde The Musical
Bob Crowley, Mary Poppins
Susan Hilferty, Spring Awakening
William Ivey Long, Grey Gardens

Best Lighting Design of a Play
Paule Constable, Coram Boy
Brian MacDevitt, Inherit the Wind
Brian MacDevitt, Kenneth Posner, and Natasha Katz, The Coast of Utopia
Jason Taylor, Journey’s End

Best Lighting Design of a Musical
Kevin Adams, Spring Awakening
Christopher Akerlind, 110 in the Shade
Howard Harrison, Mary Poppins
Peter Kaczorowski, Grey Gardens

What Digby Says (or “We’ll Always Have Paris”)

Ken AshfordPopular CultureLeave a Comment

Parishiltonpicture1Paris Hilton Edition:

Right now the cable news networks are wall-to-wall in front of Paris Hilton’s house in L.A. waiting for the sheriff to show up in his white Bronco and lead them on a freeway chase. It’s truly riveting TV, watching a bunch of people milling around and listening to the talking heads speculating on when she might come through the door and riffing on the greater meaning of all this — race, privilege and the merits of cupcakes from Sprinkles. (The consensus is that they are very good. I agree.)

He’s being facetious, of course.  He’s really talking about what Al Gore says:

And while American television watchers were collectively devoting a hundred million hours of their lives each week to these and other similar stories, our nation was in the process of more quietly making what future historians will certainly describe as a series of catastrophically mistaken decisions on issues of war and peace, the global climate and human survival, freedom and barbarity, justice and fairness.

UPDATE:  See?  Told ya.  MSNBC broke away from its coverage of the replacement for the outgoing Joint Chiefs of Staff to cover the fact that Paris went to court in sweatpants.

FURTHER UPDATE:  The Carpetbagger Report looks at this as well:

I looked up the broadcasts from last night’s network newscasts, to see how the Big Three covered yesterday’s events. It wasn’t pretty.

ABC World News Tonight’s top story was the immigration-reform legislation in Congress, to which the network devoted two minutes and 55 seconds. The next longest “news” item of the broadcast was Paris Hilton getting released from prison, which garnered two minutes and 45 second. On the news program, the Paris Hilton development received more attention than the war czar’s concerns about Iraq, discussions on global warming at the G8 meeting, and Congress passing a stem-cell research bill combined.

CBS Evening News’ top story was Bush and Putin discussing missile defense, to which the network devoted two minutes and 35 seconds. The next longest item was, you guessed it, Paris Hilton, which garnered two minutes and 25 seconds. The Hilton “news” got more coverage on CBS than a roadside bomb killing a U.S. soldier, the immigration bill, and passage of the stem-cell bill combinedtimes two.

And in earning my eternal gratitude, NBC Nightly News didn’t give the Paris Hilton news even one second on last night’s broadcast. Literally, it didn’t come up. (Maybe because it was getting blanket coverage on MSNBC and NBC Nightly News didn’t think it was necessary?)

Look, media outlets everywhere, this person isn’t even a celebrity. She’s famous for being famous, which is perpetuated by the media feeding her fame. This is truly insane.

Jeebus, when ABC and CBS devote more airtime to some heiress’ mundane legal trouble than key international events, you might as well give up on watching television news altogether.

Oh wait, I already did that.

Fine.  I give up.  I’m putting a big honkin’ picture of Paris Hilton at the top of the post so people will read it.

LAST UPDATE I PROMISE:  I can’t resist this:

Paris_01b300w_2 Screaming and crying, Paris Hilton was escorted out of a courtroom and back to jail Friday after a judge ruled that she must serve out her entire 45-day sentence behind bars rather than in her Hollywood Hills home.

“It’s not right!” shouted the weeping Hilton, who violated her parole in a reckless driving case. “Mom!” she called out to her mother in the audience.

Hilton, who was brought to court in handcuffs in a sheriff’s car, came into the courtroom disheveled and weeping, hair askew, sans makeup, wearing a gray fuzzy sweat shirt over slacks.

Boo-freakin’-hoo.  No sympathy here — DUI, license suspended, keeps driving, gets pulled over, still keeps driving, gets pulled over….

I Can’t Stress This Enough, People…

Ken AshfordCrimeLeave a Comment

If you are going to commit heinous crimes, don’t present yourself as a freak on MySpace:

He calls himself "Jack" and considers himself a "Sweet Troubled Soul" on his MySpace page. His interests include "eating small children and harming small animals."

Oooooh.   I want to be his MySpace friend, don’t you????

The page appears to belong to Edwin R. Hall, the man accused of kidnapping 18-year-old Kelsey Smith and killing her, lending disturbing significance to the bizarre claims in light of the charges against him.

The Johnson County District Attorney’s office said Friday that Smith was strangled with a ligature, though spokesman Brian Burgess would not say exactly what was used.

Hall was charged Thursday with first-degree murder in Smith’s death and aggravated kidnapping for her abduction Saturday from a Target store parking lot. His bond was set at $5 million.

I think someone could make a pretty good living just surfing MySpace pages looking for the potential killers.

Homophobia Kills

Ken AshfordSex/Morality/Family Values, War on Terrorism/TortureLeave a Comment

I wonder what is more important — getting the terrorists or discriminating against gays?  For some on the right, the answer apparently is the latter.  At least, that’s the national policy.

An excellant op-ed in the New York Times makes this point:

IMAGINE for a moment an American soldier deep in the Iraqi desert. His unit is about to head out when he receives a cable detailing an insurgent ambush right in his convoy’s path. With this information, he and his soldiers are now prepared for the danger that lies ahead.

Reports like these are regularly sent from military translators’ desks, providing critical, often life-saving intelligence to troops fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan. But the military has a desperate shortage of linguists trained to translate such invaluable information and convey it to the war zone.

The lack of qualified translators has been a pressing issue for some time — the Army had filled only half its authorized positions for Arabic translators in 2001. Cables went untranslated on Sept. 10 that might have prevented the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11. Today, the American Embassy in Baghdad has nearly 1,000 personnel, but only a handful of fluent Arabic speakers.

I was an Arabic translator. After joining the Navy in 2003, I attended the Defense Language Institute, graduated in the top 10 percent of my class and then spent two years giving our troops the critical translation services they desperately needed. I was ready to serve in Iraq.

But I never got to. In March, I was ousted from the Navy under the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, which mandates dismissal if a service member is found to be gay.

Read the whole thing: Don’t Ask, Don’t Translate.  You’ll note that the author of this column, Stephen Benjamin, wasn’t asked and didn’t tell; Naval authorities discovered casual—not explicit— instant messages indicating that both he and his roommate were gay.  Even then:

My supervisors did not want to lose me. Most of my peers knew I was gay, and that didn’t bother them. I was always accepted as a member of the team. And my experience was not anomalous: polls of veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan show an overwhelming majority are comfortable with gays. Many were aware of at least one gay person in their unit and had no problem with it.

Here’s some astounding facts compiled by the Human Rights Campaign:

‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ (DADT) Poses Exorbitant Costs to the Military and Nation.

1. Nearly 800 specialists with critical skills have been fired from the U.S. military under DADT, including 323 linguists, 55 of whom specialized in Arabic (Government Accountability Office report).

2. At least 65,000 gay, lesbian and bisexual Americans are already protecting our homeland (Urban Institute report). More than 10,000 have been discharge under DADT since the policy was implemented in 1993.

3. American taxpayers have paid between $250 million and $1.2 billion to investigate, eliminate and replace qualified, patriotic service members who want to serve their country but can’t because expressing their sexual orientation violates DADT (Government Accountability Office report). That money could be better spent on at least a dozen Blackhawk helicopters, armored plates for tanks and Humvees or Kevlar body armor for troops.

What is going on here?

This Just In: OT Blogging Completed

Ken AshfordGodstuffLeave a Comment

David Plotz at Salon decided to read the Bible cover-to-cover, and blog it has he goes along.  His journey through the Old Testament is now complete, and his posts are indexed here.

Here’s a smattering of what you can expect — this, from his entry on Genesis 3:

Chaapter 3:  The Lord—not so good at follow-through. In Chapter 2, He is clear as He can be: He commands man not to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and bad: "for as soon as you eat of it, you shall die." No wiggle room there. You shall die. But then when Eve and Adam eat the fruit of the tree a few verses later, do they die? Nope. God punishes Eve with "most severe … pangs in childbearing" and curses Adam by making the soil barren. Any parent knows you have to follow through on your threats, or your children will take advantage of you. God makes a vow He can’t keep—or if He did, He would undo all his good work. So, He settles instead for a half-hearted punishment that just encourages His children to misbehave again. Is it any surprise that we sin again? And again? And again? All the way down to the present day. You can call this "original sin," but maybe it’s just lax parenting.

This isn’t, incidentally, the mighty and distant God of Chapter 1, who shaped the universe and poured the ocean. Instead, this is an exasperated, down-to-earth deity, peevish at being forced to hunt through the Garden of Eden to find His wayward children—more like a frustrated dad who lost his kids at the mall than like God on High.

3:12: When God quizzes Adam about eating from the tree, he immediately—and I mean immediately—sells out Eve. "The woman You put at my side—she gave me of the tree, and I ate." What kind of husband is this? He’s supposed to be her master, but he won’t even take responsibility for his own weakness?

From Psalms 139:

Several Christian friends have told me how much they like 139. It imagines a God who knows exactly what is in us: He knows what I am going to say, "even before a word is on my tongue." He wrote down my whole life in His book, "all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed."

I find this notion of predestination creepy. One of the best things about being human is free will. Of course we are constrained by brain chemistry, upbringing, economic circumstances, etc., but we mostly get to make decisions on our own and live with the consequences. If you shift all the choices back to God, it’s a cop-out. Sure, it frees you from the agony of hard choices and mistakes—it’s God’s will—but it also removes the responsibility, regret, and self-examination that make us thinking creatures.

There’s also a self-contradictory quality to Psalm 139. It declares that God has set our future and knows every word we will say before we say it. At the same time, it repeatedly asks God to "test" us—to search us and make sure we are not wicked. If God has written our futures and knows our thoughts, why would He need to test us? The psalmist wants to have and eat the cake. He wants to give God credit for absolute power, but he also wants to get credit for not being wicked. ("Test me, Lord. See, I’m not wicked.") You don’t get to have it both ways: If God has predestined it all, then you deserve no credit for your goodness. God made it happen.

And this from Proverbs 39:

Again with our main theme, the folly of self-confidence: "Do not boast of tomorrow, for you do not know what the day will bring."

The author of Proverbs has a Miss Manners eye for social niceties. Look at this piece of advice: "He who greets his fellow loudly early in the morning shall have it reckoned to him as a curse." There is a time and place for everything, and 5 a.m. is not the time to shout huzzahs at your neighbor.

You get the idea….

Kaye Saves A Slow Friday

Ken AshfordRight Wing Punditry/IdiocyLeave a Comment

Just when I thought there was going to be nothing interesting to comment, rave, rail, or blather about, along comes a Kaye Grogan column.  Happy days.  What’s on Kaye’s mind today?

Give half of Congress pink slips

Grogan_bThat’s the title of her column.  Note the stylistic avoidance of capital letters.  Kaye’s getting all e.e. cummings on us.

Unduly some things never change.

"Unduly"?  I do no think that word means what you think it means.

Take for instance the "rhetoric" in congress.

Looks like Kaye has "visited" one of "my" favorite "websites".

More than 80 percent of Americans are opposed to the road to amnesty for a bunch of lawbreakers. Oh, I forgot . . . amnesty by any other name, is still not amnesty according to many diehard proponents who think we can’t see through their deception.

Well, unless that lawbreaker is "Scooter Libby".  Then those on the right are all for amnesty.

Even sheep get tired of the wool being pulled over their eyes.

Kaye has empirical proof of this.  Don’t ask how.

Here’s the deal: The Democrats want to flood the United States with foreigners, so they can stay in power, and completely eradicate the Republican Party and conservative Christians…

Curses!  How did she get our playbook?!?  Who squealed???

— otherwise they wouldn’t be so pro-amnesty for a bunch of vigilantes who refuse to not only obey our laws, but show deep disdain for authority.

I guess so . . . what authority?

"I guess so"?  You make a bold statement and then reply (to yourself) "I guess so"?  I feel like I’m eavesdropping on a conversation with Sybil.

And the Republicans want to payback corporate America for campaign goodies.

In other words: big businesses and special interest groups currently own America and your government. If you believe anything contrary to the writing on the wall — there is little hope of returning America back to its rightful owners — the American people.

I always believe everything I read on walls, Kaye.  Lay off.

Don’t believe for one minute, the incessant claim 10 or even 20 million people cannot be deployed out of the country over a period of time.

She’s right.  It’s not hard to do.  All it takes is the will to remove millions of ethnic people from your country.  That, and lots of SS soldiers. 

It’s total lunacy to reward people for invading a country, taking to the streets, demanding rights they don’t or shouldn’t have.

You know that part in the Declaration of Independence that says that "all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights"?  That doesn’t really apply to "all" men.

The Constitution of the United States has a provision intact where it guarantees the country will be protected against foreign invasions by our military. So what happens with our current government? Not only are we "unprotected" against foreign invaders — our government is blatantly encouraging the influx of foreigners to continue coming on over in droves.

Kaye is, of course, a Native American.  What?  She’s not?

And if this "in your face" attitude isn’t bad enough — the border patrol agents have their hands tied behind their backs, many of them punished whenever they try to do their duty. Is this treasonous behavior or what?

You decide.

Decide?  Me?  Well, I’m no expert here, but it seems to me that having your hands tied behind your back would make your job more difficult.

Frankly, I’m getting tired (with the majority of other people) with the immigration issue being at the forefront of everything else, unsettled.

Are you tired with the majority of people, or tired along with the majority of people?

We are most likely the laughing stock of the world, because we’re supposed to be the super power of the world, and yet we can’t or won’t control our own borders.

Yes, those foreigners are laughing at us.  What a joke this country is, they say, as they clamor to come in to our country seeking rights and freedoms.

Let’s just get over the notion that we are required to take everybody and their brother who want to migrate to America.

Yeah, screw that "Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses…".  Somebody should blow up that bitch commie Statue of Liberty.

Yes, we are a nation founded by immigrants, along with all the other countries, and yet the other countries enforce their immigration laws — including Mexico.

All other countries were founded by immigrants?  But (sputter, sputter) where did all those immigrants come from?  And so on and so on….

Yes, we are a diverse country. But this is not something to brag about — considering the old adage: a house divided against itself will fall.

Kaye, honey.  Diverse doesn’t mean divisive.  You have this borderline racist us-vs.-them mentality, and then you complain about a "divided" country?

Look, it’s quite simple.  If you don’t want a divided house, maybe you should stop running around the living room with a chainsaw, you know what I mean?

And there is definitely more than enough diversity to go around here in America.

Right.  We allowed them coloreds to come in (they were sooooo willing) — that’s plenty of diversity!  Now we’re supposed to let in brown people?

Folks you’ve been had in the worst way. As you have slept, your country has been given away right from underneath your drooping eyelids. You have (thus far) been content at being complacent, assuming everything will work itself out in the end.

Oh, I love it when Kaye gets all Emma Goldman on us.

Everyday you work your fingers to the bone, so the government can tax your earnings beyond oblivion, to reward people who won’t work — while your American dream keeps diminishing as you’re forced to face the cruel reality that the dream just doesn’t exist — courtesy of your leaders.

Well, shit, Kaye.  Now I’m just depressed.  Thanks for bumming me out and reminding me how worthless and futile my life is.

While the "grassroots" effort of those adamantly opposing the current S. 1348 immigration amnesty bill has gotten a reprieve, this is not the time to rest on your laurels, but to rise up even stronger opposing the disastrous bill that is far from resting in peace.

What would you have us do, Kaye?  Burn it?

With Democratic and Republican bullies being propelled by big corporations to faze out the American laborers in favor of cheap labor — the time is now — not later — to show them whose boss.

Tony Danza?  Judith Light?

What we really need in this country . . . is a shortage of jobs in Congress, and a pile of pink slips.

Wait, wait, wait.  You’re not just saying we should fire our representatives, but to actually take away those positions?  Meaning what?  Doing away with Congress?  Yeah, that’ll work.

Sex Scandal (And Other Silliness) At Creation Museum

Ken AshfordEducation, Godstuff, Sex/Morality/Family ValuesLeave a Comment

Museumlogo_smGeez.  It’s only been open a couple of weeks….

The man who plays Adam in a video aired at a Bible-based creationist museum has led a different life outside the Garden of Eden, flaunting his sexual exploits online and modeling for a clothing line that promotes free love.

After learning about his activities Thursday, the Creation Museum in Kentucky pulled the 40-second video in which he appears.

"We are currently investigating the veracity of these serious claims of his participation in projects that don’t align with the biblical standards and moral code upon which the ministry was founded," Answers for Genesis spokesman Mark Looy said in a written statement.

The actor, Eric Linden, owns a graphic Web site called Bedroom Acrobat, where he has been pictured, smiling alongside a drag queen, in a T-shirt brandishing the site’s sexually suggestive logo. The Web site, which has a network of members, allows users to post explicit stories and photos.

He also sells clothing for SFX International, whose initials appear on clothing to spell "SEX" from afar. It promotes "free love,""pleasure" and "thrillz."

God has a sense of humor.

By the way, here’s a nice review of the Creation Museum.  Some snippets:

To begin with, the museum presents real science alongside its version; an aviary containing finches is the first thing to greet you as you began your tour. The finches were a profound influence on Darwin and his theory of natural selection and are still studied by evolutionary biologists today. Another display contained poison frogs. This was of particular interest to me, since they claim the reason poison frogs aren’t poisonous in captivity is due to the Almighty. I’m fairly sure it’s due to the lack of poisonous mites in their diet, but there you go.

The reviewer here is mistakenly applying things like facts, those pesky things designed by atheists to confuse people.

Surprisingly, I didn’t get much of a Flintstones vibe. I was expecting many more displays with Adam and Eve and T. Rex, whom we learn was a vegetarian in the days of yore, but with a couple of exceptions, dinosaurs and humans were separated by at least a few feet.

Well, of course.  Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs to church every Sunday, didn’t you know that?  And to subtlly prove that point (or some point anyways), the Creation Museum has this:

526893292_e95eb57c10_2

By the way, did you know that all dinosaurs — ALL of them — were vegetarians?  It’s true!

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See?  Dinosaurs were all vegetarians because this plaque says that the Bible says so!  Take that, Darwin!

That’s why Eve could hangout with this deadly cuddly velociraptor, whom she probably named "Dino":

526904756_0fcdab43e8

Faith is no excuse for ignorance.  (Gotta love Eve’s modest Victorian-era clothes, by the way.)