Why You Don’t Have To Watch American Idol For The Next Two Months

Ken AshfordPopular CultureLeave a Comment

For Lakisha and Melinda

RANDY:  "Yo yo yo!  So check it out, yo!  You were da bomb, man!  Am I right?  You brought it, girl.  You rocked the house!"

PAULA:  "You’re a very special performer and a lovely person and that’s why we love you."

SIMON:  "Yeah, I agree with Randy and Paula …shockingly.  And I …would …be …surprised …if …you didn’t make it to the final two spots."

For everybody else

RANDY:  "Yo yo yo.  So check it out, yo.  Um.  Yeah, man, I don’t knoooooow.  You were a little pitchy in there (*sigh*).  Yeah, it just wasn’t working for me, dawg.  I mean, singing [Stevie, Chaka Khan, Mel Torme, whatever] is hard, man, and you’re inviting the comparison.  So — yeah, man.  Sorry.  Just keepin’ it real, dawg."

PAULA:  "You’re a very special performer and a lovely person and that’s why we love you.  And you look great.  But it was kind of — you know?  It — it wasn’t — it just wasn’t — let’s just say that it wasn’t your best performance tonight."

SIMON: "That. Was. Horrific.  [Audience boos].  No, no, it was bad, which is why I’m not exactly jumping out of my chair.  And I kind of understand what Paula and Randy are saying …shockingly.  It was like …it was like bad karaoke performed by someone’s drunken dad during a wedding on a cruise ship.  And if I were to speak honestly, I think you may have cause to worry about being here next week."

(H/T: Podhoretz at The Corner for the inspiration)

File Under “Good To Know”

Ken AshfordHealth CareLeave a Comment

Health news:

As little as five minutes of exercise could help smokers quit, says a new study. Research published in the international medical journal Addiction showed that moderate exercise, such as walking, significantly reduced the intensity of smokers’ nicotine withdrawal symptoms.

"If we found the same effects in a drug, it would immediately be sold as an aid to help people quit smoking," said Dr. Adrian Taylor, the study’s lead author and professor of exercise and health psychology at the University of Exeter.

Taylor and colleagues reviewed 12 papers looking at the connection between exercise and nicotine deprivation. They focused on exercises that could be done outside a gym, such as walking and isometrics, or the flexing and tensing of muscles. According to their research, just five-minutes of exercise was often enough to help smokers overcome their immediate need for a nicotine fix.

Nerd Alert!

Ken AshfordRandom MusingsLeave a Comment

Today — 3/14 — is Pi Day.  (And if you can’t figure out why 3/14 is Pi Day, then you’re not the slightest bit nerdy).

Official Pi Day website here.

USA Today offers several things you can do to celebrate:

Here’s what we found when we searched for things you can do to celebrate Pi Day:
Watch the Pi Song on YouTube. (It’s 3 minutes 14 seconds long.)
Sing of one of these Pi-related songs. This Old Pi is one of our favorites. Sung to the tune of Give a Dog a Bone, it goes: Number pi, Number pi, It’s irrational and so am I, With a 3.1415926, Pi Day is for lunatics!
This site begs you to finish the sentence: "I Love Pi Because…"

If you have a lot of time on your hands, and an unusual desire to impress someone, you can memorize some of the digits in Pi.

To get you started, here are the first 50 digits:

3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751
05820974944592307816406286208998628034825342117067
98214808651328230664709384460955058223172535940812
84811174502841027019385211055596446229489549303819
64428810975665933446128475648233786783165271201909
14564856692346034861045432664821339360726024914127
37245870066063155881748815209209628292540917153643
67892590360011330530548820466521384146951941511609
43305727036575959195309218611738193261179310511854
80744623799627495673518857527248912279381830119491

Or, if you’re like me, you can ignore the day altogether (except perhaps to blog a little about it).

Gonzales Uses The Passive Deflective Voice

Ken AshfordAttorney FiringsLeave a Comment

"Mistakes were made", he says, in reference to the US Attorney firing scandal.

Weasel words, if I ever heard them.

Of course, in the same press conference, Gonzales says he stands by the firings.  But he also fired the guy who did the firings, his chief of staff.

So, all in all, it’s a little hard to parse.  If I had to guess, Gonzales is saying that the way they were fired was a "mistake", but the fact that they were fired (for partisan political reasons) is okay.  Unfortunately, nobody is really complaining about the firing process, but the apparenbt political motivations of the firings themselves.  The most illuminating example was the firing of Carol Lam, the U.S. Attorney in northern California, who received excellent evaluations, but who had successfully prosecuted Republican congressman Randy Cunningham.  Process be damned — why was she fired?

Further troublesome for Gonzales is that when he testified before Congress in January, he was adamant that the Administration had no intention of invoking the provision of the Patriot Act allowing them to replace U.S. Attorneys absent congressional input:

And so let me publicly sort of preempt perhaps a question you’re going to ask me, and that is: I am fully committed, as the administration’s fully committed, to ensure that, with respect to every United States attorney position in this country, we will have a presidentially appointed, Senate-confirmed United States attorney.

To mix metaphors, Gonzales’ press conference was an attempt to thread a needle — something that is impossible to do when you’re walking on thin ice.

I seriously think his days are numbered.

UPDATE: According to this morning’s Times, The White House is turning on him:

With Democrats, including the Senate majority leader, Harry Reid of Nevada, insisting that Mr. Gonzales step down, his appearance underscored what two Republicans close to the Bush administration described as a growing rift between the White House and the attorney general. Mr. Gonzales has long been a confidant of the president but has aroused the ire of lawmakers of both parties on several issues, including the administration’s domestic eavesdropping program.

The two Republicans, who spoke anonymously so they could share private conversations with senior White House officials, said top aides to Mr. Bush, including Fred F. Fielding, the new White House counsel, were concerned that the controversy had so damaged Mr. Gonzales’s credibility that he would be unable to advance the White House agenda on sensitive national security matters, including terrorism prosecutions.

I really think there’s a serious estrangement between the White House and Alberto now," one of the Republicans said.

UPDATE:  Yup, I was right:

Bush says the problem wasn’t with the sackings, but with the unclear way Justice and Alberto explained them to Congress. The fact that he used the Patriot Act for political rather than national security reasons to get around Congress doesn’t seem to trouble him.

To Bush, they simply didn’t spin it well enough.

Prosecutor Firing Scandal Widens

Ken AshfordAttorney FiringsLeave a Comment

Background here.  [UPDATE: An even better background — in the form of a timeline]

And this past week, Attorney General Gonzales denied that there was any political involvement relating to the firings of the U.S. Attorneys.

But today we learn differently:

The White House was deeply involved in the decision late last year to dismiss federal prosecutors, including some who had been criticized by Republican lawmakers, administration officials said Monday.

"Deeply involved"?  What does that mean, New York Times?  Perhaps WaPo can illuminate:

The White House suggested two years ago that the Justice Department fire all 93 U.S. attorneys, a proposal that eventually resulted in the dismissals of eight prosecutors last year, according to e-mails and internal documents that the administration will provide to Congress today

All 93?!? Wow!

Last October, President Bush spoke with Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales to pass along concerns by Republicans that some prosecutors were not aggressively addressing voter fraud, the White House said Monday.

So, it seems there was political involvement, going right to the top of the White House.

By the way, "voter fraud" = Democrats voting.  Seriously.  The reason why prosecutors refused to go after "voter fraud" was simply because there was no evidence of it.  Let’s go to Josh Marshall on this one:

The very short version of this story is that Republicans habitually make claims about voter fraud. But the charges are almost invariably bogus. And in most if not every case the claims are little more than stalking horses for voter suppression efforts. That may sound like a blanket charge. But I’ve reported on and written about this issue at great length. And there’s simply no denying the truth of it. So this becomes a critical backdrop to understanding what happened in some of these cases. Why didn’t the prosecutors pursue indictments when GOP operatives started yakking about voter fraud? Almost certainly because there just wasn’t any evidence for it.

Yup.

Okay.  Back to the news coverage:

Senator Pete V. Domenici, Republican of New Mexico, was among the politicians who complained directly to the president, according to an administration official.

The president did not call for the removal of any specific United States attorneys, said Dana Perino, a White House spokeswoman. She said she had “no indication” that the president had been personally aware that a process was already under way to identify prosecutors who would be fired.

But Ms. Perino disclosed that White House officials had consulted with the Justice Department in preparing the list of United States attorneys who would be removed.

Hmm.  Who woud that White House official be, I wonder?

But the documents and interviews indicate that the idea for the firings originated at least two years ago, when then-White House counsel Harriet E. Miers suggested to {Gonzales Chief of Staff Kyle] Sampson in February 2005 that all prosecutors be dismissed and replaced.

Harriet.  I could have guessed.

WaPo’s coverage also contains some rather cold-blooded emails between Miers and Sampson:

Sampson, Sept. 7, 2006: "I am only in favor of executing on a plan to push some USAs out if we really are ready and willing to put in the time necessary to select candidates and get them appointed. It will be counterproductive to DOJ operations if we push USAs out and then don’t have replacements ready to roll immediately. I strongly recommend that as a matter of administration, we utilize the new statutory provisions that authorize the AG to make USA appointments. [By avoiding Senate confirmation], we can give far less deference to home state senators and thereby get 1.) our preferred person appointed and 2.) do it far faster and more efficiently at less political costs to the White House."

Miers: "Kyle thanks for this. I have not forgotten I need to follow up on the info. But things have been crazy."

And then:

On Dec. 7, Miers’s deputy, William Kelley, wrote that Domenici’s chief of staff "is happy as a clam" about Iglesias.

A week later, Sampson wrote: "Domenici is going to send over names tomorrow (not even waiting for Iglesias’s body to cool)."

Sampson has resigned "after acknowledging that he did not tell key Justice officials about the extent of his communications with the White House, leading them to provide incomplete information to Congress."  That means what it means — that Justice officials were not telling the truth to Congress, and Sampson is the fall guy.

[UPDATE:  The NYT has a profile on Sampson, a young ambitious Mormon lawyer who became "the fox in charge of the henhouse".  Key line: "In 2002 Mr. Sampson told the Brigham Young University news service that he admired Mr. Bush because the president recognized that politics and religious beliefs could not be separated."  All in all, he sounds a lot like the character portrayed by Patrick Wilson in "Angels In America"]

What does this all mean?

Well, look — it’s true.  U.S. Attorneys, like all government employees, serve at the pleasure of the President.  But that’s not the beginning and end of the analysis.  U.S. attorneys are servants of the people, and must be allowed to do their jobs without political pressure.  This was a situation where competent U.S. Attorneys (many of them Republican, by the way) were relieved of their jobs for failing to prosecute Democrats (and only Democrats).  That, without any question, is an abuse of the legal system for political gain (or more accurately, firing people for refusing to use the legal system for political gain).

Josh Marshall again puts the final thought down:

As has happened so many times in the last six years, the maximal version of this story — which seemed logical six weeks ago but which I couldn’t get myself to believe — turns out to be true. Indeed, it’s worse. We now know that Gonzales, McNulty and Moschella each lied to Congress. We know that the purge was a plan that began at the White House — and it was overseen by two of President Bush’s closest lieutenants in Washington — Miers and Gonzales.

Yup.  Stay tuned. This is shaping up to be a very serious scandal.  Jophn Singer agrees:

For the first time in the last six years, there is now direct proof, documentary proof, that could implicate George W. Bush in some of the widespread impropriety within his administration. And though the Bush White House may believe in the at best controversial axiom that if the President does it, it’s not illegal, there is more than enough precedent in American history for holding a President accountable for his own actions.

So although Kyle Sampson, who did command some power as chief of staff in the Department of Justice, has now resigned, this is only the beginning of the bloodletting within the Bush administration over this scandal. Before too long, I would be surprised if higher ups (and I do mean higher ups, not higher up) are not also relieved of their positions in the hopes of salvaging the rest of George W. Bush’s term in office.

UPDATE:  Moments ago

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has "either forgotten the oath he took to uphold the Constitution or doesn’t understand that his duty to uphold the law is greater than his duty to protect the president," Sen. Charles Schumer, D-N.Y., just told reporters on Capitol Hill.

UPDATE:  Gonzales to hold press conference at 2:00.

UPDATE:  Raw scandal docs (incl. the emails) available here.

More Spam Subject Line Poetry

Ken AshfordRandom MusingsLeave a Comment

The rules:

  1. You must use the subject line — the entire subject line and only the subject line — from your spam emails.
  2. No more than one subject line per line of the poem (but a long subject line can be broken into two or more lines within the poem)
  3. Punctuation and capitalization changes can be made.

This installment’s poem:

Night Table

Jugingu picked a weed nearby and started chewing it
And went into a strange trance.
They sang a medley of gay Christmas song parodies
From United States
But no such ban exists.

I saw this right from the start.
On afterthought and the verbose yet kindly reprimands of a few good friends,
I raised my price to a level at which I can make a living.

Your future?
I’m bringing it back from the old days.
We all have a stake.
What did you decide to do?

Seashore cappuccino?
Incongruous.

PostSecret – Blog Of The Year

Ken AshfordWeb RecommendationsLeave a Comment

The winners 2007 Bloggies have just been announced and it’s all very interesting.  The Blog of The Year is a site I’ve mentioned before: PostSecret.

PostSecret is an ad-free community weblog in which anybody, even you, can send in your anonymous secrets by postcard (or, in these days, electronic postcard).  The site has proven so popular, it has inspired a book.

To give you a taste, here are some submissions to PostSecret from the past few days:

Costco_1

Christian

Racist

Nicekickboxing

Sometimes uplifting, sometimes funny, sometimes depressing, but always compelling, site.

For the complete list of other Bloggie nominees and winners, go here.

Spoiler Alert!

Ken AshfordPopular CultureLeave a Comment

Jack dies of hypothermia.
Jenny dies of AIDS and Momma dies of cancer.
Jesus dies but then lives again.
Malcolm was dead all along.
Norman had his dead mother in his basement.
They didn’t move the graves, just the grave makers.
Private Ryan lives.
Dorothy makes it back to Kansas.
ET makes it home.
Marty makes it back to 1985.
All the passengers on the train did it.
Elaine doesn’t go through with the wedding and runs off with Benjamin instead.
Clarence gets his wings.
James Bond gets the girl.
Rod Tidwell gets the money.
Ray Kinsella plays catch with his dad.
Roy Hobbs plays catch with his son.
Indiana Jones finds the Ark.
And the Holy Grail.
Thelma and Louis drive off a cliff into the Grand Canyon.
The Von Trapp family escapes to Switzerland.
Andy escapes, covering the tunnel with a giant pin-up poster.
The Planet of the Apes is just Earth many years later.
Aaron just made "Roy" up.
Ilsa leaves Casablanca with Victor.
Seabiscuit wins.
Rockford loses to Racine in the World Series.
John Nash wins a Nobel Prize.
Charlie wins the chocolate factory.
Rocky loses, but he went the distance. Then he wins. Then he wins.  Then Apollo dies and Rocky goes to Russia and wins again. (After that, nobody cares).
That girl Dil is actually a dude.
Rudy gets to play for, like, 30 seconds in the last game of the season.
No, they didn’t cheat, as shown by the fact that test scores kept going up.
Frodo destroys the ring.
They find Nemo.
They shoot Old Yeller.
The Beast becomes a human.
Darth Vader is Luke’s father.
The necklace is in the pocket of the overcoat that Cal put on Rose.
Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.
Teddy Gammel is John G.  Or one of them.  Maybe.  I think.
Neo is the one.
Soylent Green is people!
Rhett leaves Scarlett.
Rosebud was a sled.

(H/T to 1 Happy Street, from whom I heavily borrowed, and neglected to credit)

More Than A Feeling

Ken AshfordIn PassingLeave a Comment

Lead singer for Boston, Brad Delp, dead.  As a tribute, here’s a little Delp and Boston trivia.

  • He bought his first guitar after seeing The Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show.
  • Since 1994, he’s been in a Beatles tribute band named Beatlejuice.
  • Before he joined the band, Delp was manufacturing heating coils in a Mr. Coffee plant.
  • Boston’s debut album (Boston) sold 17 million copies.
  • Guitarist/producer/musical genius Tom Scholz was a graduate of M.I.T. working for Polaroid when he started the band. He designed his own equipment after becoming frustrated with the limitations of music technology.
  • Before the death of Delp, there was talk of a new Boston studio album and tour.
  • The band’s last live performance with Delp featured former quarterback Doug Flutie on drums (at a benefit concert last November).

The Evangelical Crackup

Ken AshfordEnvironment & Global Warming & Energy, Godstuff, Sex/Morality/Family ValuesLeave a Comment

Time was where "evangelical" evoked names like James Dobson and Jerry Falwell and, by necessary extension, the conservative GOP agenda.

But Kevin Drum points to a considerable crack-up within the evangelical movement, which casts "old guard" evangelicals (Dobson et al.) on the outside of the National Association of Evangelicals (now headed by Richard Cizik), looking in with noses pressed to windows. 

The issue that is causing the rift is global warming:

The latest round is a letter from the dinosaurs asking the National Association of Evangelicals to fire Richard Cizik, ostensibly because he thinks we ought to do something about global warming. When you get to the end of the letter though, you find out what their real problem is:

Finally, Cizik’s disturbing views seem to be contributing to growing confusion about the very term, "evangelical." As a recent USA Today article notes: "Evangelical was the label of choice of Christians with conservative views on politics, economics and biblical morality. Now the word may be losing its moorings, sliding toward the same linguistic demise that "fundamentalist" met decades ago because it has been misunderstood, misappropriated and maligned." We believe some of that misunderstanding about evangelicalism and its "conservative views on politics, economics and biblical morality" can be laid at Richard Cizik’s door.

Well, that’s clear enough, isn’t it?

It certainly is.  In other words, these Christian Right leaders are accusing Cizik of messing with their brand.  This is a rather audacious complaint.  It’s as if Dobson and company view the "moral agenda" of evangelicals as their exclusive birthright.  But no longer, with young turks like Rev. James Wallis:

A new generation of pastors has expanded the definition of moral issues to include not only global warming, but an array of causes. Quoting Scripture and invoking Jesus, they’re calling for citizenship for illegal immigrants, universal healthcare and caps on carbon emissions.

The best-known champion of such causes, the Rev. Jim Wallis, this week challenged conservative crusader James C. Dobson, the chairman of Focus on the Family, to a debate on evangelical priorities.

"Are the only really ‘great moral issues’ those concerning abortion, gay marriage and the teaching of sexual abstinence?" Wallis asked in his challenge. "How about the reality of 3 billion of God’s children living on less than $2 per day? … What about pandemics like HIV/AIDS … [and] disastrous wars like Iraq?"

Nice to see this shift.  Hope to see more.

How Overstretched Is The Military?

Ken AshfordIraqLeave a Comment

It’s so overstrateched that the Army is now sending wounded soldiers back to Iraq:

"This is not right," said Master Sgt. Ronald Jenkins, who has been ordered to Iraq even though he has a spine problem that doctors say would be damaged further by heavy Army protective gear. "This whole thing is about taking care of soldiers," he said angrily. "If you are fit to fight you are fit to fight. If you are not fit to fight, then you are not fit to fight."

As the military scrambles to pour more soldiers into Iraq, a unit of the Army’s 3rd Infantry Division at Fort Benning, Ga., is deploying troops with serious injuries and other medical problems, including GIs who doctors have said are medically unfit for battle. Some are too injured to wear their body armor, according to medical records.

On Feb. 15, Master Sgt. Jenkins and 74 other soldiers with medical conditions from the 3rd Division’s 3rd Brigade were summoned to a meeting with the division surgeon and brigade surgeon. These are the men responsible for handling each soldier’s "physical profile," an Army document that lists for commanders an injured soldier’s physical limitations because of medical problems — from being unable to fire a weapon to the inability to move and dive in three-to-five-second increments to avoid enemy fire. Jenkins and other soldiers claim that the division and brigade surgeons summarily downgraded soldiers’ profiles, without even a medical exam, in order to deploy them to Iraq. It is a claim division officials deny.

WTF?!?

Time To Make The Donut (Jokes)

Ken AshfordRandom MusingsLeave a Comment

[Note: Apologies in advance to those who may be offended, but this is rather amusing]

A few weeks ago, many news outlets across the country reported a fluff news story about Krispy Kreme’s new offering: a wheat donut.

The NBC affiliate in Augusta, Georgia was among those covering the Krispy Kreme wheat donut story.  To find a suitable image to serve as a graphic behind the anchorwoman’s head, some flunkie apparently did a Google search.  The problem was, the graphic they used to go along with the story was a joke image.  And apparently nobody looked at it too closely.

Here is a portion of the actual broadcast:

For those of you who couldn’t make out the graphic behind the reporter, here’s a close-up still:

Sogood_1

Shakespeares Sister wonders:

[I]t is a bit of a mystery as to whether the doughnuts are so good that you’ll suck dick to get them, or whether they’re so good that you’ll suck dick in celebration. Maybe it depends on whether you’re a cocksucking straight girl/gay boy or a non-cocksucking gay girl/straight boy. Anyway, it’s probably best not to overthink this kind of genius.

Yeah, probably best not to.