Guess who this is?
Yes, you’ve heard of this person, and you’re familiar with his face. It’s not someone obscure.
Answer below the fold….
“The Hoohaa Monologues”?
Are you kidding me? The whole point of the play is to demystify, confront, and embrace the concept of the vagina as a natural, healthy human organ. You defeat the purpose when you censor the damn play:
A modified marquee in Atlantic Beach has been drawing some attention. "Hoohaa" replaced a word in the title of a play after a driver complained about finding the previous wording offensive.
The marquis for Atlantic Theaters advertises a number of plays including, the Masquerade Ball, Band Jam, and now The Hoohaa Monologues.
And this, from the same article, made me laugh out loud:
Some said hoohaa is a strange word and that its definition depends on its context, while others said it sounds like a country band.
UPDATE, RELATED (although I’m not sure why): Anna Nicole Smith is dead.
UPDATE, RELATED: Speaking of women, the Amanda Marcotte controversy is over. Edwards is standing by the blogrrrls. Tom Tomorrow is right:
You can quibble about the details, but this is an important moment: a Democratic candidate actually refused to be played by the right-wing noise machine.
On that subject, get a load of this. The is Rick Moran of Right Wing Nut House today:
But I cannot leave this subject without examining the role of those of us on the right who flogged this story into the mainstream media and may have cost Marcotte her job. Certainly our motives lacked nobility. I will be the last to argue that anything more than “scalp hunting” animated this effort. And the questions I raised in the quote at the top of this page remains valid: Is this all we are? Is this what we have become?
In the heat of battle, it is easy to lose sight of those questions. This is not an excuse but rather an explanation. And whatever the outcome of this latest blogosphere dustup, it may be well to ask a third question: Is there anything we can do to change this dynamic? The constant back and forth of charge, counter-charge, revelation followed by the inevitable attempt to alter the discussion by pointing to the sins of the other side – all of this has become an all too familiar pattern of behavior that any rational person would have to say cheapens us all on both sides of the aisle and doesn’t solve anything. Instead, it actually breeds resentment so that the next rhubarb will follow exactly the same course with perhaps even more intensity in the use of language and invective.
A call for civility and no "scalp-hunting". Well, that certainly is logical and sound. Applause and love claps. But wait — here’s what Rick was saying yesterday about the whole thing:
[Marcotte] is a rank bigot, a nauseating, die hard dogmatist whose sickening screeds against people she disagrees with (including most non-emasculated men) have sullied the debate between right and left for far too long.
Unfortunately, Marcotte’s type will always have a home on the left. She will be welcomed back with open arms and continue her unbalanced rants, raging against people whose only transgression is that they fail to fit their beliefs into her own narrow, warped, and cockeyed worldview.
Irony ain’t dead.
Easy-Bake Ovens Recalled
Gee. I’m surprised this hasn’t happened in the 43 year product’s history.
I mean, it’s a colorful toy that requires eight year olds to place small pies up against a searing hot 100 watt light bulb. What could possibly go wrong?
All Right, John. We Need To Talk
The Edwards/Blogrrrls "scandal" continues today. I really loathe blogger inside-pool (where bloggers criticize bloggers about blogging about blogging, blah, blah, blah), but this has jumped to the mainstream media and become, for reason beyond my comprehension, a genuine campaign issue and a watershed moment for a leading presidential candidate.
The best, sanest take I’ve read is here:
John Edwards? Get over here.
Sit down. We need to talk about something.
Here, kid; have a cookie. Don’t like oatmeal raisin? Wow, never thought I’d hear that coming from you. Okay, well, take some lemonade. Sure thing.
Now, John. You have decided to make Amanda Marcotte and Melissa McEwan your friends. Right? Don’t look away from me. You asked them to help you, and they agreed. Right?
Okay. Well, I have seen how this Bill Donohue and his Catholic-a-gogo friends are treating them. Michelle Malkin’s not been very nice, either. And the two of them are doing a lot of screaming about your friends. So you need to stick up for them.
What? They’re liabilities? How?
They said what?
Really?
Heh, damn. Pardon my French, Johnny, but that’s pretty funny. I know this is serious; do you know? Wait, come back. Sit down. Let’s keep talking. That’s not the point.
Did you know about these things? I’m assuming not because I’ve never seen you run home so fast before. Okay, no. Okay. Well, let’s think about this a little more, shall we?
What if these people said something about your wife’s actions like this? Just think about this for a second. What if your wife came under this kind of fire for something you did not know she did? Would you divorce her?
JOHN! Don’t play like that; this is serious.
You wouldn’t. Good… No, no — I knew you were joking. I think…anyway…
Now, imagine you are the king of the world. You have a lot of power, probably more than you deserve, but that’s another conversation. You can tell people what to do. You can influence a lot of people. And you hire a lot of friends to help you. And people complained about all of those friends every single day.
What do you mean they wouldn’t? They do it all the time, John. Enough of this leading around — you can’t please everyone, John. You used your discretion to find the best person for the job. You stick by it. A good person and a good leader does not sway with every note of criticism when dealing with matters regarding their friends. People are not universally popular. People have opinions. People are free to express those opinions.
What? You’re not serious.
The First Amendment.
Yes, it protects speech. You should know this…
You do? Then, what’s the problem? John, it’s time to grow a pair and tell those people you won’t let them run your life for you.
No. You cannot compromise on matters like these. What if they didn’t like your hair? Or your clothes? What if they didn’t want you to wear clothes, John? Would you strip? DON’T ANSWER THAT…that wife thing still bothers me. You have to take a stand; you claim you can. Now is the time to show you will not be intimidated by the evil invective of people who just want to tear you down.
You know the spirit in your heart. You use it. Stop pandering to naysayers, and you might be surprised at what might happen. Stop engaging dishonesty.
I mean it.
Now go and show them that you’re not a coward. You know the consequences of all actions you take, and you accept them courageously. Including not making everyone happy. You understand?
You’re welcome.
…What?
Ah. Yes, John, you can have a cookie. Now walk – not run — walk back out there, and take a firm stand in defense of your friends. Because if you can’t stand for them, how will you stand for anyone else? Worse, how will you stand for yourself? You’ll make tougher decisions than this. Now, go on, John. If we need to talk again, I’ll be here.
Sure thing.
Dangers Of Pullout May Be Delusional
Pardon the extensive quote, but Steven Chapman’s editorial nails — I mean, nails — everything I’ve always thought and said about Iraq:
Hard-core supporters of the war, no longer able to pretend that we are making progress toward a stable, democratic Iraq, have fallen back to their last line of defense — insisting that no matter how bad things are with us in Iraq, things would be far worse with us out.
Pulling out, the argument goes, would destroy our credibility and embolden the terrorists. Neoconservative Robert Kagan of the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace is among those confidently predicting a parade of horribles: ethnic slaughter, a regional war and a secure base for Al-Qaida to launch attacks on us and our allies.
If we withdraw, he wrote recently in the Washington Post, "the war in Iraq and in the region will not end but will only grow more dangerous." And there is the old argument that if we don’t fight the terrorists in Iraq, we will have to fight them at home.
The first flaw in this line of reasoning is that lamenting the dangers of failure is not the same as finding a formula for success. Bush tells us that his new approach offers a path to victory, but that’s what he said about the old strategy. Why should anyone believe that this time he knows what he’s doing or is telling us the truth?
The forecasts of neoconservatives have generally been as reliable as your daily horoscope. In 2004, Robert Kagan derided those who thought the war was lost, declaring that the United States was about as likely to fail as Derek Jeter (a career .317 hitter) was to hit below .200.
Consider the other horribles that are envisioned. An emboldened Al-Qaida? It’s not as though the terrorists are all sitting home playing checkers, having lost the desire to slaughter infidels. In fact, as they demonstrate daily in Iraq and Afghanistan, they’re emboldened already. Lost credibility? Our credibility crumpled when we invaded on the cheap and proved unable to preserve basic order.
Read the whole thing — it’s a must-read.
The Klan Is Making A Comeback
Great </sarcasm>:
The Ku Klux Klan has rebounded by exploiting current hot-button issues, especially immigration, according to a new report released by the Anti-Defamation League.
The Klan, and other white supremacist groups like skinheads and neo-Nazis, grew significantly more active in the past year, holding more rallies, distributing leaflets and increasing their presence on the Internet — much of it focused on stirring anti-immigrant sentiment, according to the report.
"Extremist groups are good at seizing on whatever the hot button is of the day and twisting the message to get new members," Deborah M. Lauter, ADL Civil Rights director, said Monday. "This one seems to be taking hold with more of mainstream America than we’d like to see."
The ADL Report on this notes some troubling trends:
- Longstanding groups have increased their activity and experienced a rapid expansion in size.
- New groups have appeared, causing racial tensions in communities previously untroubled by racial issues. They hold anti-immigration rallies and recruitment drives and distribute racist literature with a new emphasis on the immigration issue, and Hispanics.
- Klan groups have become more active in parts of the country that had not seen much activity in recent years, including the Great Plains States such as Iowa and Nebraska, and Mid-Atlantic states such as Maryland, Pennsylvania and New Jersey. The report includes a state-by-state listing of active Klan groups.
- Klan groups increasingly are cooperating with neo-Nazi groups.
- The Klan has adopted new publicity tricks and has embraced the Internet as a means to spread anti-Semitism and racism.
The Marcotte Brou-ha-ha
Last week, I noted in passing that the Edwards campaign had tapped Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon to assist in his presidential campaign, as his "Blogmaster" in charge of internet outreach. He also hired Melissa McEwen of Shakespeare’s Sister for the same purpose.
I’m an avid reader of both blogs, and have corresponded with Ms. McEwen a few times. Both writers are inciteful, passionate, and devoted to their causes. I haven’t come close to supporting any candidate for President, but it struck me that Edwards’ movement to address the netroots was saavy. This new internet thingee has the potential — more so than ever — to shape the campaign and presidency, and Edwards was smart to climb aboard and get himself some class A material (with sizable audiences) early on.
But a week later, there is more to the story. Both Amanda and Melissa have been blogging daily for quite a while, and the right wing smear machine has set its sites on them. In a rather silly attempt to undermine Edwards’ campaign, they have decided to swiftboat both bloggers by highlighting some of their less temperate comments.
The rightwing attacks on Marcotte are everywhere: Hot Air, Michelle Malkin, Hugh Hewitt’s TownHall Blog, Patterico’s Pontifications, QandO, Right Wing Nut House, Althouse, Confederate Yankee, Little Green Footballs, and Vox Popoli, to name a few. They are especially ugly.
What’s their beef with Amanda? Well, it seems that she uses (get the fainting couch!) four-letter words on her blog. Some of her posts are quite passionate and pull no punches when she expressed her disdain for organizations (some of them religious) who engage in bashing women, gays, etc. Even them, you really have to cherry pick through the years of Amanda’s writings to find these posts, and that’s just what the wingnuts have done.
So in other words, Amanda is a blogger who occasionally writes in the no-holds-barred language of bloggers.
For such "sins", the rightwing smear machine is now calling on Edwards to fire Amanda and Melissa. The swarm around them has grown so large that it has now made it to the mainstream media. The New York Times, even…
Edwards’s Bloggers Cross the Line, Critic Says
Two bloggers hired by John Edwards to reach out to liberals in the online world have landed his presidential campaign in hot water for doing what bloggers do — expressing their opinions in provocative and often crude language.
The Catholic League, a conservative religious group, is demanding that Mr. Edwards dismiss the two, Amanda Marcotte of the Pandagon blog site and Melissa McEwan, who writes on her blog, Shakespeare’s Sister, for expressing anti-Catholic opinions.
Mr. Edwards, a former North Carolina senator, is among the leading Democratic presidential candidates.
Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League, said in a statement on Tuesday, “John Edwards is a decent man who has had his campaign tarnished by two anti-Catholic vulgar trash-talking bigots.”
I think this is faux outrage. (Amanda, for her part, reminds people that — although she is not a Catholic herself — the last presidential candidate that she voted for was a Catholic, and she graduated from a Catholic university).
Glenn Greenwald (like everybody else) joins in the fray, and openly asks why the rightwing was so silent when it comes to bloggers who work on McCain’s campaign.
My question to the now-outraged right who are piling on Marcotte is much more simple. How can you attack the "vulgar" Marcotte (who after all, isn’t actually running for office herself?), and have remained so silent about this?
Hmmmmm?
UPDATE: Salon is reporting that Marcotte and McEwen have been fired from the Edwards campaign…. maybe (click through the ad for the full story):
The right-wing blogosphere has gotten its scalps — John Edwards has fired the two controversial bloggers he recently hired to do liberal blogger outreach, Salon has learned.
If this is true, then Edwards may have lost my vote. I don’t think bowing to swiftboating tactics is something Edwards — or any Dem candidate — should be doing. It only encourages them
But wait, there’s more….
Speculation from sources that the two bloggers might be rehired was bolstered by Jennifer Palmieri, a spokeswoman for the Edwards campaign, who said in an e-mail that she would "caution [Salon] against reporting that they have been fired. We will have something to say later."
Hmmmm.
The Salon article notes (as I did) the hypocrisy of Marcotte and McEwen’s attackers:
Leading the charge against Marcotte — and to a lesser extent McEwan — have been bloggers like the National Review’s Kathryn Jean Lopez and Michelle Malkin…
Malkin, it should be noted, is hardly innocent of being involved with what ABC News’ Terry Moran termed "hate speech" when applied to Marcotte. Malkin has long maintained ties to VDARE, a Web site tagged as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center that has published works by people like Jared Taylor, one of America’s leading white supremacists, and Sam Francis, who was fired by the conservative Washington Times for his own white supremacist remarks, given at a conference held by Taylor’s organization. The liberal press watchdog Media Matters has also noted Donohue’s long list of controversial statements.
Doubletalk
George W. Bush, in his 2007 State of the Union Address:
"Let us build on the work we have done and reduce gasoline usage in the United States by 20 percent in the next ten years — thereby cutting our total imports by the equivalent of three-quarters of all the oil we now import from the Middle East.
To reach this goal, we must increase the supply of alternative fuels, by setting a mandatory fuels standard to require 35 billion gallons of renewable and alternative fuels in 2017 — this is nearly five times the current target. At the same time, we need to reform and modernize fuel economy standards for cars the way we did for light trucks — and conserve up to eight and a half billion more gallons of gasoline by 2017."
Weeks after pledging major investments in renewable energy, President George W. Bush is calling for cuts at Colorado’s National Renewable Energy Laboratory, drawing complaints Monday from two of the state’s Democratic lawmakers.
A centerpiece of Bush’s State of the Union speech this year was a 20 percent cut in gasoline use by 2017 made possible in part by increasing the use of renewable fuels.
Colorado’s Democratic lawmakers criticized Bush’s proposed budget, delivered to Congress on Monday, for increasing spending on fossil fuel and nuclear development while cutting the Energy Department’s renewable research lab by 3 percent.
Bush’s proposed budget would decrease funding for the Golden, Colo., lab to $181.5 million from $187.5 million, they said. The lab does the nation’s primary research on renewable energy and energy efficiency.
Short Takes: Pop Culture Edition
(1) TIVO and Amazon to offer video downloads
This is quite different from Blockbuster or your local video store, where you have to get the video (and return it) yourself. It’s also every different from Netflix, where the DVD comes to you (and you return it) by mail. It’s even different from online video download services, where the video is trapped on your computer (seriously, who ever watches a movie on their computer?)
With this new TIVO/Amazon service, you can order and view a movie on your TIVO. Color me interested.
You know, I think it’s been about a year since I actually watched a television show as it’s being broadcast. Sure, sometimes I may be catching the beginning of a show while the end is being broadcast. But basically everything now for me is recorded on TIVO, and watched from TIVO. And this new service makes it only more attractive. I can basically watch anything I want, anytime I want.
Which makes me conclude that TIVO (and other DVR services) are the greatest home entertainment innocation since television. There, I said it.
(2) New York may ban iPods while crossing the street
Yes, I’m sure it will be unpopular, but some things just make sense, you know?
P.S. Sorry for the dangling participle. Obviously, New York isn’t crossing the street…
(3) "Prince’s Halftime Imagery Questioned"
Yes, I know I predicted it a few days ago. But take a look at the article linked above. And ask youself, who is actually complaining about Prince’s suggestive use of the guitar? As far as I can tell, nobody. Instead, everybody (including me) is merely speculating that people — or some people — should be complaining.
In other words, it’s a non-story that doesn’t live up to its headline.
Astronaut Sex: Anyone In The 100 Mile High Club?
Well, the Nowak story seems to be the story of the day — both in the mainstream media and the blogosphere — presumably for it’s weirdness/entertainment value.
CNN is now reporting that astronaut Lisa Nowak will face charges of attempted murder. That’s on top of her three other charges for battery, attempted kidnapping and attempted vehicle burglary with battery.
For those of you late to the party, Nowak, who flew on the space shuttle Discovery last summer, drove 1,000 miles — from Houston to Orlando — yesterday to confront (assualt? kidnap? murder?) a NASA engineer named Linda Shipman.
Nowak wore a diaper on the trip so she wouldn’t have to stop for bathroom breaks (it was probably one of those NASA-engineered things they sometimes wear).
It seems that both Shipman and Nowak were competing for the affections of astronaut Bill Oefelein (who piloted the last space shuttle mission). And Nowak was, well, going to do something about that.
Here’s what (allegedly) happened when the diaper-wearing Nowak met Shipman:
Shipman told police she arrived at the Orlando International Airport about 1 a.m. and had to wait two hours for her luggage.
As Shipman walked to her car she noticed a woman in a trench coat who appeared to be following her, the police report said. She quickly jumped into her car and heard "running footsteps" behind her, Shipman told police.
Nowak slapped the window of the car as Shipman locked it, the report said. Nowak then tried to open the car door, saying that her ride had not arrived.
Shipman told Nowak she would send for help, but when Nowak said she couldn’t hear her and started to cry, Shipman cracked her window, the report said. The 2-inch space in the window was all Nowak needed to send pepper spray into the car, police said.
Her eyes burning, Shipman drove to a tollbooth and reported the incident.
When an officer found Nowak at a bus stop, she was wearing a different coat, and the officer observed her putting items in a trash can, the police report said. The officer retrieved a wig and a BB gun from the trash can, the report said.
Police found in Nowak’s bag a tan trench coat, a new steel mallet, a folding knife with a 4-inch blade, 3 to 4 feet of rubber tubing, large plastic garbage bags and about $600 in cash, the report said.
Nowak acknowledged details of Shipman’s allegations, according to police, and allowed officers to search her car. There, police found diapers, six latex gloves, directions from Houston to Orlando International Airport, e-mails from Shipman to Oefelein, a letter indicating how much she loved Oefelein and directions to Shipman’s home address in Florida, the report said.
All this is preface to the point of this post, which is to attempt to answer that age-old question: Has anyone ever had sex in space?
C’mon. You know you’ve wondered about it, too.
Fortunately, the Nowak story has resurrected the old question, and a science blogger with the Houston Chronicle gives us the skinny:
First of all, is sex in space is possible? Sure. One NASA physician, Dr. James Logan, recently addressed the topic at a Las Vegas Convention. Live Science reports, though, that it might be messy:
"Sex in micro-g might be a little underwhelming. That is, the fantasy might be vastly superior to the reality. It’s a pretty messy environment…for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction," Logan told an attentive audience over the weekend at the NewSpace 2006 meeting in Las Vegas, Nevada, sponsored by the Space Frontier Foundation.
Sex in zero-g is going to have to be more or less choreographed, "otherwise it’s just going to be a wild fling," Logan advised. But for those looking forward to space migration and setting up self-perpetuating civilizations off-Earth, the space physician raised several warning flags.
Is conception possible? Is it safe? Sex in Space author Laura Woodmansee says it’s unclear whether conception is possible, but that it’s quite possible such a conception would be unsafe:
Will a fertilized embryo attach properly to the uterus wall? Are life-threatening ectopic pregnancies more likely in weightlessness? How will reentry acceleration affect a mother and fetus? Are the higher radiation levels of Earth orbit likely to cause problems with the first cell divisions? It may be perfectly safe to conceive in orbit, but we just don’t know enough to take that chance with the health and happiness of a child.
And now, for the big question: has anyone ever had sex in space before? Possibly. The crew of STS-47 included a married couple, N. Jan Davis and Mark C. Lee, who declined interviews after the flight. But whether it actually happened is only answered by a universe of rumor, innuendo and legend. There’s been no kissing and telling — yet.
Finally, might some astronauts have masturbated? Not only is it possible, it’s probable as at least one mission physician recommended it to the astronauts out of concern for infected prostate glands. I’m not making this up. The Apollo 11 command module pilot Michael Collins, writing in his book Liftoff, states about the Skylab mission:
"One doctor advised regular masturbation, advice [Skylab crew member] Joe [Kerwin] ignored." Later, he writes: "There was no sex on Skylab." And still later, he addresses the possibility of recreation in space: "And lovemaking! I don’t think any astronauts have yet been privileged to sample the ultimate use of weightlessness."
Note that he only states that one of the astronauts ignored the advice on masturbation, not all of them. Hmmm.
So there you have it. Has there ever been sex in space? Answer: Maybe.
Missed The Super Bowl?
You can watch the whole thing — even the halftime show — here …condensed to 3 minutes.
The F-Bomb
Too long to excerpt here, the Two-Percent Company has an excellent essay on the use of profanity, and some people just need to fuckin’ lighten up.
It’s A Miracle!
The Reverand Ted Haggard “emerged from three weeks of intensive counseling convinced he is ‘completely heterosexual‘ and told an oversight board that his sexual contact with men was limited to his accuser.”
Yeah, riiiiiiiiight. He’s probably eating Snickers now, too.
I note this: As part of his continuing recovery and presumably in the spirit of forgiveness and caring, the board of ministers that counselled Haggard also recommended he leave Colorado permanently and go into a different line of work. In other words: "You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here."
Laugh. *Snort*.
Log Cabin Republican Andrew Sullivan has a few observations:
He previously said he’d struggled with his sexual orientation his entire life; now, he’s "completely heterosexual." He is now claiming his sole sexual outlet was the one prostitute, Mike Jones. And yet he is being treated for "sexual addiction." Er: adultery with one other partner is not sexual addiction. Let’s put it this way: even the quacks behind reparative therapy for homosexuals do not believe a few weeks of therapy will do the trick. (A few years and you can function heterosexually without wanting to kill yourself.) And so the psychological and spiritual abuse that Haggard has imposed on others and is now imposing on himself continues for another cycle of denial and pathology. And that is what, sadly, a great deal of Christian fundamentalism is caught up in: a vortex of denial of reality and rigid psychological resistance to self-acceptance. It is, in my view, a fear-gripped rejection of the beneficence and compassion of God, not an openness toward the divine. It’s a therapy that is actually an illness. And Haggard is getting sicker.
Rudy’s Running For Prez
Somewhere I have a picture of me chatting with Rudy Guiliani at some private office party. It was taken in the late 80’s, when he was the D.A. in Manhattan, and I was working for the "other side" (criminal defense). He was pals with my former boss.
Wish I knew where that was.
Not The Right Stuff
They don’t make astronauts like they used to, I guess.
Once the very definition of "hero", we now have astronauts that are one step above trailor trash. Yup, a mission specialist on a shuttle flight last summer is sitting in a Florida jail now, having been charged with plotting to kidnap a woman who was her rival for the heart of another astronaut.
A NASA astronaut faces her first appearance before a judge this morning after police say she attacked her rival for another astronaut’s attention at Orlando International Airport Monday.
Lisa Marie Nowak drove more than 12 hours from Texas to meet the 1 a.m. flight of a younger woman who had also been seeing the astronaut Nowak pined for, according to Orlando police. She is being held on no bond at Orange County Jail and has a court appearance at 9 a.m.
Nowak — who was a mission specialist on a Space Shuttle Discovery flight last summer — was wearing a trench coat and wig and had a knife, BB pistol, and latex gloves in her car, reports show. They also found diapers, which Nowak said she used so she wouldn’t have to stop on the 1,000-mile drive. Reports show that after U.S. Air Force Capt. Colleen Shipman’s flight arrived, Nowak followed her to the airport’s Blue Lot for long-term parking, tried to get into Shipman’s car and then doused her with pepper spray.
Nowak, 43, is charged with attempted kidnapping, battery, attempted vehicle burglary with battery and destruction of evidence. Police considered her such a danger that they requested she be held without bail in the Orange County Jail, reports show.
A married mother of three, Nowak told police that she was "involved in a relationship with," Bill Oefelein, another NASA astronaut, which she categorized as "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship," according to the charging affidavit.
Wonkette loves this story — the astronaut who wore diapers on a journey to spray her rival with pepper spray:
The story has everything! And be “everything” we mean “astronauts.” Just say “astronaut love triangle” out loud. It’s been proven by science to be the funniest phrase possible to use in an AP lede.