I Don’t Think I Can Take Much More Of “Grease: You’re The One That I Want”

Ken AshfordPopular Culture2 Comments

They’re all talented — but so Donny-and-Marie-Osmond bland, just like the musical itself.  I think even the biggest "Grease" fans won’t come to the Broadway show, because by the time this series is over, everyone will be sick of "Grease" (if they’re not already).

And hello?  Are we just going to watch these people sing?  Is there going to be any acting in this here Broadway show?

And as if to put an exclamation point on what’s wrong with Broadway these days, the "special guest judge" next week is none other than Andrew Lloyd Weasel.  Ugh.

You want Broadway?  You want talent? 

How about (Spring Awakening)….

Or how about (Wicked)…

Or how about (Assassins)…

Or how about (The Full Monty)…

Or how about (Urinetown)…

Or how about (Tick Tick Boom)…

Or how about (Bat Boy)…

Or how about (Sweeney Todd)…

Or how about (Into The Woods)….

Or how about (Dreamgirls — and by the way, Ms. Hudson, you’re good — but this is how it’s done)…

Or this (Spamalot)… or this (The Last Ten Five Years)…

Problems With The Surge

Ken AshfordIraqLeave a Comment

A disturbing video showing U.S soldiers watching as their Iraqi Army colleagues (they’re Shiites) brutally beat Sunni civilians to near-death, as U.S. soldiers hoop and holler in support at the "Rodney King" treatment the civilians receive.

Is this how to win hearts and minds?

UPDATE:  Carpetbagger shoots down five myths often spouted by war supporters:

The conservative case in support of the president’s escalation policy in Iraq appears to be premised on five central myths.

The first is the notion that opposition to escalation “undermines” the troops. This, on its face, is absurd — Bush is overstretching the military and sending thousands more soldiers into the middle of a civil war and critics are undermining the troops? The second is the notion that critics don’t have a plan of their own, when, in fact, we do. The third is the idea that Bush’s “new” plan deserves a chance to work, as if we haven’t already tried escalation before. The fourth is characterizing this as a left-right debate, despite the fact that there is ample opposition to the president’s policy in the GOP.

And number five is the idea that congressional opposition to the Bush strategy somehow “emboldens” the enemy. As the theory goes, our enemies are watching Washington, and if they see policy makers in public disagreement, they’ll continue to disrupt efforts to stabilize Iraq. It’s the favorite argument of the White House, John McCain, and Joe Lieberman.

And it’s wrong.

The Senate Foreign Relations Committee chairman on Sunday dismissed criticism a resolution opposing a troop buildup in Iraq would embolden the enemy and estimated perhaps only 20 senators believe President Bush “is headed in the right direction.”

“It’s not the American people or the U.S. Congress who are emboldening the enemy,” said Sen. Joe Biden, D-Del., and White House hopeful in 2008. “It’s the failed policy of this president — going to war without a strategy, going to war prematurely.”

Thank you, Sen. Biden. Critics of the war aren’t emboldening the enemy; supporters of the war are.

To his credit, even Sen. Sam Brownback (R-Kan.), responding to the same argument from Joe Lieberman, noted the obvious fact that Bush and his backers seem to be missing.

Sen. Sam Brownback (R-KS), who announced on Friday he will support Sen. John Warner’s (R-VA) anti-escalation resolution, pointed out the obvious: “I don’t see this enemy as needing any more emboldening or getting it from any resolution. They’re emboldened now.”

The “Eldersphere”

Ken AshfordBloggingLeave a Comment

Don’t think that blogging is just for the young.  Donald Crowlis, age 93, is the writer of an increasingly popular blog, Don To Earth.  He’s thought to be the world’s oldest blogger.

Lindsay Beyerstein of Majikthise wonders just how big the eldersphere is.

The Newest Hero For “Heroes”?

Ken AshfordRandom MusingsLeave a Comment

ThescreamHow about a boy whose scream can kill chickens?

Hundreds of chickens have been found dead in east China — and a court has ruled that the cause of death was the screaming of a four-year-old boy who in turn had been scared by a barking dog, state media reported on Wednesday.

The bizarre sequence events began when the boy arrived at a village home in the eastern province of Jiangsu in the summer with his father who was delivering bottles of gas, the Nanjing Morning Post reported.

A villager was quoted as saying the little boy bent over the henhouse window, screaming for a long time, after being scared by the dog.

"One neighbor told police that he had heard the boy’s crying that afternoon and another villager confirmed the boy screaming by the henhouse window," the newspaper said.

A court ruled the boy’s screaming was "the only unexpected abnormal sound" and that 443 chickens trampled each other to death in fear.

Free The Chattanooga Six

Ken AshfordCrimeLeave a Comment

Look, I know it’s disturbing when teenagers talk about "killing" other people.  We all remember Columbine.

But sometimes, it’s just a joke.

If some girls talk about "killing" their teachers and classmates, that’s one thing.  But when they add Oprah, Tom Cruise, and the Energizer Bunny (which, last time I checked, was an inanimate/fictional non-human corporate mascot) to their list, then it’s obvious that they’re just talking crap:

CHATTANOOGA, Tennessee (AP) — Six girls at a rural high school were charged with homicide conspiracy after their principal found a list of 300 names and officials discovered online postings suggesting they kill people, authorities said Thursday.

School officials said the list, discovered in a classroom trash can, mostly named students and faculty members but also included Tom Cruise, Oprah Winfrey and the Energizer Bunny.

Sequatchie County High School Principal Tommy Layne said that he initially considered it a joke, but that authorities then found the ninth-graders’ online MySpace pages and postings that included the word "kill."

"In general terms, it was like, ‘Let’s kill these people,’ " Dunlap Police Chief Clint Huth said. He declined to provide the specific wording on the posting, which has been removed.

"I am not saying we thwarted a shooting incident or an act of violence," Huth said. "On the other hand, had this gone unchecked, down the road it could have grown into something a whole lot more serious than a list of names."

Nice going, Officer Huth.  You just lost the case against these kids.  As any first-year law student knows, "conspiracy" means more than some imaginary event "down the road" which "could have grown into something a whole lot more serious".  There has to be active planning of an actual crime, not mere pie-in-the-sky "wouldn’t it be cool if…" talk.

Let these girls go.  They may have "issues" and may — I stress may — need some counselling, but they’re not homicide conspirators.

His Fate Is Still Unlearned

Ken AshfordRandom MusingsLeave a Comment

CharliecardDear Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority:

It’s come to my attention that you have now implemented "Charlie Cards" and "Charlie Tickets" to commuters in order to ease and speed up the whole fare-buying thing.  This, I think, is good, because those tokens were a pain in the ass.

One thing though.

Your mascot, Charlie, no doubt comes from the folk song "Charlie On The MTA", made popular by The Kingston Trio, and well-known to many Bostonians.

Listen, guys.  You do realize that the song was about "Charlie" who was stuck on the subway system because he lacked money for exit fares, yes?  I mean, the song was critical of the MBTA and its boneheaded fare policies.

So are you sure you want to invoke Charlie as your new mascot?

Just wondering.

A Former "T" Rider

Google Bomb Defused

Ken AshfordBush & Co.Leave a Comment

369539947_e3f05b50e5_oFor the past couple of years, if you searched the phrase "miserable failure" on Google, the top result would be the White House biography of George Bush.

This was the result of mass prank, known as Google bombing.  It took advantage of Google’s algorithm.

You see, a couple of years ago, there was a campaign to Google bomb the President.  Thousands of bloggers (myself included), embedded this — <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/president/gwbbio.html" >Miserable Failure</a> — within their webpage or blog.  When Google’s auto-search robots went out into the internets and scanned pages, they talllied thousands of links to the Bush bio associated with the phrase "miserable failure".  And that’s how he became the number one result for a Google search of "miserable failure".

But if you run that search today, you won’t find that as the number one result.  Google finally cleaned that up, as well as other Google bombs.  More here.

Coffee And Doughnuts Combined

Ken AshfordRandom Musings1 Comment

Well, why not?

That cup of coffee just not getting it done anymore? How about a Buzz Donut or a Buzzed Bagel? That’s what Doctor Robert Bohannon, a Durham, North Carolina, molecular scientist, has come up with. Bohannon says he’s developed a way to add caffeine to baked goods, without the bitter taste of caffeine. Each piece of pastry is the equivalent of about two cups of coffee.

While the product is not on the market yet, Bohannon has approached some heavyweight companies, including Krispy Kreme, Dunkin’ Donuts and Starbucks about carrying it.

Shorter Townhall Columnists

Ken AshfordRight Wing Punditry/Idiocy1 Comment

Shorter Mary Graber: "Prompted by the New York Times story that 51% of women in America are unmarried, I stayed up all night drinking black russions and talking to my cat about the Playboy Mansion."

Shorter Burt Prelutsky:  "Dogs, Jews, and Christians — good.  Pigs, Muslims, and Nancy Pelosi — bad.  Any questions?"

Shorter Rich Galen: "Republicans worry too much about punctuation marks."

Shorter Diana West: "I guess I oppose Bush’s strategy is Iraq, which is far better than Democrats who definitely oppose Bush’s strategy in Iraq."

Shorter Kathleen Parker:  "You know why John Kerry would be a terrible presidential candidate for 2008?  Because he doesn’t even have the ambition to runfor President!"

Shorter Jonah Goldberg: "Tehnically, the Korean War isn’t over since we still have troops there, and nobody’s complaining.  So why can’t Iraq be just the same?"

Shorter Mona Charon: "Psssst!  If everybody would just agree to agree with Bush, then the terrorists all over the world will throw down their weapons and go home — isn’t that obvious?!?"

Shorter Mike Adams:  "True story.  There’s a black person out there who actually don’t mind being nice to unrepetent racist segregationists.  Why can’t all black people change?"

Shorter David Strom: "I don’t believe in global warming, because there’s a lot of money to be made as an environmental scientist predicting global warming.  I’m not quite sure how yet, but I’m working on it."

Shorter Debra Saunders: "If Bush wants to be seen as a better President, he should do a better job as President.   Which is why he’s right not to do anything different than he’s always done."

Damage My Insula

Ken AshfordHealth CareLeave a Comment

So this guy has a stroke, right?

And part of his brain is damaged.  A little-known and little-understood part called the "insula".

After the stroke, he discovers that he simply "forgot" that he was a two-pack-a-day smoker.  No cravings.  No urges.  No withdrawal.  Not even a conscience attempt to quit.  He just stopped.

Could this be a clue to stop addiction (whether it be smoking or something else)?

Scientists are sitting up and taking notice.

Blogging Miss America

Ken AshfordPopular CultureLeave a Comment

Oh, my — that sounds dirty.

Anyway, my friend Heather is blogging her experiences at the Miss America pageant here and here (same thing, but with pictures).  No, she’s not competing (a glorious oversight on somebody’s part), but she’s an afficianado of that whole scene.  She’s so into it, it’s contageous.

Novak: Democrats Are “Rude”

Ken AshfordBush & Co., Iraq, Right Wing Punditry/IdiocyLeave a Comment

Novak is very cantankerous and grumpy today.  More so than usual, that is.

When President Bush called for a bipartisan "special advisory council" of congressional leaders on the war against terrorism in his State of the Union address, he had in his pocket a rude rejection from Democratic leaders. Thank you very much, said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, but no thank you.

Three days earlier, Reid and Pelosi wrote a letter to the president turning down his offer (which was contained in his Jan. 10 speech on Iraq) to establish a council consisting of Democratic chairmen and ranking Republican members of the relevant committees. "We believe that Congress already has bipartisan structures in place," they said, adding: "We look forward to working with you within existing structures."

That could be the most overt snub of a presidential overture since Abraham Lincoln was told that Gen. George B. McClellan had retired for the night and could not see him.

There’s a huge distinction, Bob.  General McClellan was a subordinate to his Commander-in-Chief, President Lincoln.  Despite what you may think, Democrats in Congress are not subordinate to President Bush.

Courtesy aside, it shows that the self-confident Democratic leadership is uninterested in being cut into potentially disastrous outcomes in Iraq. It wants to function as a coordinate branch of government, not as friendly colleagues in the spirit of bipartisanship.

Quel horror!!  You mean Congress wants to function as a coordinate branch of government?!?  What is the world coming to?!?  What would Emily Post say??

It seems that Novak’s problem is really with Article I of the Constitution, not congressional Democrats.

Look, I understand that there is a desire out there for Congress to work together on the nation’s problems, and if you want to call that "bipartisanship", then I’m all for it.  But just when did Bush become a convert to bipartisanship?   Only when reality caught up to him, and the American people turned away from him?

For the past four years, opposition to the war (primarily from Democrats) was met by the Bush Administration with not-so-subtle charges of treason, lack of patriotism, naivete, and so on.   Novak has dutifully played his part in levelling those charges against war opposers. 

And now, having insulted and ignored the advice and input of Democrats for all these years, Novak wonders why we don’t accept Bush’s invitation to the prom?  That we’re being rude for not wanting to get into Bush’s limosine, now that his dance card is running low on names?

Sorry, Bob.  Like Webb said the other day, we’ll be happy to show Bush the way.  But to date, he’s shown uncanny resolve in being wrong about Iraq, despite having bipartisan advice from experts (i.e., Baker-Hamilton).  And he shows no sign of changing.  So until then, he — and his hapless followers — are going to have to go it alone.

Set Phasers On Stun

Ken AshfordScience & TechnologyLeave a Comment

Kirk_phaser_2Well, they’re not quite like what we see on Star Trek, but "ray guns" are here.

Right now, firing rays requires a dish antenna mounted on the back of a small humvee.  Although the rays can reach a distance of 500 yards (17 times the range of most bullets), they don’t actually kill anything.  In fact, all they do is project an invisible beam "intense enough to make participants think their clothes were about to ignite" and, presumably, drop their weapons, or disperse, or whatever.  It can penetrate clothes.

Oh, look.  I found a diagram:

Heat_raygun416

The name for this ray gun is rather lame: The Active Denial System.  Dumb.  It sounds like it’s something that comes from Batman’s utility belt.

The military will start getting this stuff in 2010.  More here.