Attack Of The Squirrels

Ken AshfordRandom MusingsLeave a Comment

I think they’re planning something big.  This is going to become like The Birds:

Squirrel20attackBarb Dougherty, a 30-year Postal Service employee, said she was attacked and bitten Monday by a squirrel while delivering mail in Oil City, about 75 miles north of Pittsburgh.

"It was a freak thing. It was traumatic," Dougherty told The Derrick in Oil City. "I saw it there on the porch, put the mail in the box and turned to walk away and it jumped on me."

The animal ran up her leg and onto her back, she said.

"I eventually got a hold of the tail and pulled it off me," Dougherty said. "No one was home at the house where I was delivering the mail, but the neighbor lady heard me screaming and came over."

An ambulance took Dougherty to the hospital, where she was treated for cuts and scratches. The squirrel was killed with a BB gun and sent to a lab to be tested for rabies. Dougherty was given the first series of rabies shots as a precaution.

Postal officials said the attack is extraordinary.

Eleven Things You Didn’t Know About Bob Barker

Ken AshfordPopular CultureLeave a Comment

  1. 200pxbob_b_1He attended Drury College in Missouri on a basketball scholarship.
  2. He served in the Navy as a fighter pilot.
  3. He graduated summa cum laude in economics.
  4. As an animal rights activist, he stopped The Price is Right from giving out fur coats as prizes (and has forbidden the airing of past shows that included them).
  5. But despite his animal rights activism, he enjoys taxidermy as a hobby.
  6. In 1987, Bob was one of the first game show hosts to let his hair go grey, leading the way for Monty Hall and Alex Trebek.
  7. At 83, Barker has the record for being the oldest man to ever host a game show, and the oldest man to have hosted a weekday television program.
  8. He has appeared on Futurama, Family Guy and The Bold and the Beautiful.
  9. He trained and earned a black belt with Chuck Norris, and practiced martial arts daily.
  10. He’s been on television now for 50 years!
  11. Truth Or Consequences was way better than The Price Is Right.

Bob Barker Wikipedia entry

Another Dirty Gay Evangelical?

Ken AshfordGodstuff, Sex/Morality/Family ValuesLeave a Comment

Ted Haggard, President of the National Association of Evangelicals, an organization that represents millions of people.

Ted Haggard, founder and senior leader of the New Life Church in Colorado Springs, a megachurch with 14,000 members.

Ted Haggard, who appeared in Time‘s list of the 25 most influential evangelicals in America.

Reverand Ted Haggard, married with five children and an outspoken critic of gay marriage.

Reverand Ted Haggard, accused of paying for sex for the past three years with a male prostitute, and using methamphetamine in his presence on several occasions.

UPDATE 11/3:  Hmmmm.  It looks like it’s true:  Key Evangelical quits amid gay sex claim

About Kerry’s Botched Joke

Ken AshfordElection 2006Leave a Comment

My goodness!  Such a fuss.

But conservative/evangelical blogger La Shawn Barber gets it:

I don’t like John Kerry….

I mocked him for his condescending attitude toward “the poor”…

I made fun of him for hanging out at black churches at election time…

I called Kerry a racist for trying to appeal to blacks…

…I’d curse him to his face.

[But] according to a “Kerry aide,” he was supposed to say this:

“I can’t overstress the importance of a great education. Do you know where you end up if you don’t study, if you aren’t smart, if you’re intellectually lazy? You end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq.”

That’s a clear reference to Bush, who Kerry implies is dumb. But it came out like this:

“You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.”

I’m trying to figure out why Kerry has not released his prepared speech to the press. It would clear up this whole mess (I contacted his office yesterday and requested a copy – still waiting). Instead, Republicans and conservatives have jumped all over this. As a conservative, I’m embarrassed that my “brethren” are willing to use our troops to score points for the mid-term elections. It was a botched joke, for crying out loud. Let it go!

Military men and women and their families are up in arms. Democratic candidates are canceling Kerry’s appearances. The White House is playing hard-ball instigator. The conservative blogosphere has lost its collective mind.

Think about it, people. Do you really believe that John Kerry, a war veteran, thinks American troops are dumb or would say so publicly during a war in the midst of an election cycle? When I first heard about his remarks, I knew instinctively that he couldn’t have meant that. And I can’t stand the man!

UPDATE:  Wow.  Even "The Derb" at The Corner has enough integrity to see through the fuming of his fellow conservatives:

John Kerry is awful, and anything we can do further to degrade his political prospects is worth doing.  But really, I saw a clip of him making the much-deplored remark, and it was obvious that the dimwit in Iraq that he referred to was George W. Bush, not the American soldier.  It was a dumb joke badly delivered, but his meaning was plain.  My pleasure in watching JK squirm is just as great as any other conservative’s, but something is owed to honesty.  There’s a lot of fake outrage going round here.

MORE:  I agree with this —

Jeez, this Republican crybaby crap over John Kerry’s comments is just pathetic. It’s amazing to me that the GOP has a reputation for toughness when they throw temper tantrums over meaningless shit. Watching the President of the United States use his bully pulpit to shed crocodile tears is just embarrassing. Maybe the Democrats should just go silent in this last week before the election, lest we bruise the feelings of those delicate little flowers in the Republican party.

Depression In The News

Ken AshfordHealth CareLeave a Comment

7% of all adults suffer from major depression.  That’s one finding from a new major study on the subject of depression.

Other findings:

  • Major depression often retreats only after patients have tried multiple drugs, and a large minority still have disabling symptoms even after using many medications.
  • Two-thirds of depressed patients became depression-free after trying up to four different combinations of drugs or therapy.

In other words, if you are depressed and a doctor throws pills at you, it probably won’t cure depression, just make it less of a problem.  You probably need some therapy as well.

Rip It Up

Ken AshfordBush & Co.Leave a Comment

Shredthumb_2Isn’t it interesting that with Democrats set to take over the House, and possibly the Senate — and with the prospect of investigations against the White House to come about as a result — that there should be a paper shredding company truck parked outside Dick Cheney’s house?

Hmmmm.

Good Christians Hate Halloween

Ken AshfordGodstuffLeave a Comment

An actual excerpt from the Christian-published children’s book, "Mommy, Why Don’t We Celebrate Halloween?"

Mommywhydontwecelebrate‘October 31st again and all the kids are trick-or-treating,’ said Jerry as he looked out the window in front of his house. ‘Mom, why can’t we go trick-or-treating like all the other kids? Are you afraid we’ll eat too much candy and our teeth will rot?’

‘Well, Jerry,’ said Mom, ‘I certainly don’t want your teeth to rot, but no, that isn’t the reason you can’t go trick-or-treating. As Christians, Daddy and I don’t let you take part in Halloween because we know Jesus doesn’t want us to do such things.’

‘But why, Mommy?’ Sarah exclaimed. ‘What’s wrong with Halloween?’

‘Think for a moment, children, about other holidays we celebrate. Take Christmas, for example. How does Christmas make you feel?’ asked Mom.

Happy!’ exclaimed Sarah.

Excited,’ added Jerry.

‘That’s right,’ said Mom. ‘Christmas is a time of happiness and excitement as we celebrate the birth of Baby Jesus. Do you remember what the angel told the shepherds the night He was born?’

‘Yes,’ said Sarah. ‘The angel told the shepherds good news of peace and great joy.’

‘That’s right,’ said Mom. ‘Halloween has none of these. Halloween is filled with fear, meanness, and sadness.’

‘I don’t understand, Mom,’ said Jerry. ‘How is dressing up in funny costumes and going door-to-door to get candy scary or sad?’

‘The devil is very good at making things look wonderful on the outside that are wrong on the inside. Halloween is one of those things,’ Mom said.

‘Many Christians haven’t been taught the true meaning behind Halloween. They can’t see the truth behind the costumes, parades, and candy of Halloween,’ continued Mom. ‘Only when we know the truth about something can we know whether it is good or bad for us. That’s why the Bible says we are free when we know the truth.’ (See John 8:32.)

‘So, what’s the truth about Halloween, Mom?’ Sarah asked. ‘Why shouldn’t Christians take part in its fun?’

‘Let me see if I can explain it a bit better,’ Mom said. ‘First, let’s think about Christmas again. When the three wise men came to visit Baby Jesus, what did they bring Him?’

‘Presents!’ Sarah said.

‘Yes, presents,’ Mom agreed. ‘When they gave Jesus the presents, the wise men knelt before Jesus to show that they honored Him.’

‘What does it mean to honor someone?’ Jerry asked.

‘To honor someone means that you show great respect for that person. You show that you understand his importance and great worth,’ Mom replied.

‘But we don’t kneel before anyone at Halloween,’ Sarah protested.

‘You see, Sarah,’ Mom said, ‘there are many ways to show honor. One way is to set aside a special day, a holiday, to remember some important person or event.’

‘Yes!’ Jerry agreed. ‘Thanksgiving reminds us of the big dinner the Pilgrims shared with the Indians to thank God for His help in the New World.’

‘Exactly,’ Mom responded. ‘What event do we celebrate at Easter?’

‘That’s when the angel rolled away the stone,’ Sarah answered. ‘Jesus wasn’t dead anymore!’

‘That’s right,’ Mom replied. ‘At Easter we remember God’s love when He sent Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. We also honor God for His great power that brought Jesus from death to life.’

‘So what do we honor at Halloween?’ Jerry asked.

‘A long time ago,’ Mom answered, ‘many people did not believe in God or honor His Son, Jesus. Instead they honored statues made of wood or stone. They also worshiped things in nature like the sun and the stars.’

‘Do you mean they bowed down to them like the wise men knelt before Baby Jesus?’ Sarah asked.

‘Yes, Sarah,’ Mom said. ‘They sang praises to their statues just like we sing praises to Jesus. They believed that the sun and stars had great power.’

God must not have liked that! He wants us to worship only Him,’ Jerry said.

‘You are right, Jerry,’ Mom replied. ‘God’s first laws for His people teach us not to worship any other gods or to bow down to their statues.’ (See Exodus 20:3-5.)

‘But, Mommy, we don’t worship any statues or other gods at Halloween,’ Sarah said.

‘In many parts of the world,’ Mom answered, ‘Halloween is a religious holiday – a holiday when people worship satan and honor evil. In fact, it is the biggest holiday on satan’s calendar, kind of like Christmas and Easter on our calendar.’

‘But why?’ Jerry asked. ‘Where’s the evil in Halloween?’

Somehow, on reading this except, I think the kids have the stronger argument.  And I think "Mom" is making it up as she goes along.

What “Waiting For Godot” Would Be Like If The Characters Had Cell Phones

Ken AshfordPopular CultureLeave a Comment

Waiting20for20godotESTRAGON: You’re sure it was this evening?

VLADIMIR: What?

ESTRAGON: That we were to wait.

VLADIMIR: He said Saturday. (Pause.) I think.

ESTRAGON: You think.

VLADIMIR: I must have made a note of it. (He fumbles in his pockets, which are bursting with miscellaneous rubbish.) What’ll we do?

(Beeping sound as ESTRAGON dials number.)

VOICE OF RECORDING ON PHONE: You’ve reached the number for Mr. Godot. Mr. Godot told me to tell you he won’t come this evening but surely will tomorrow.

ESTRAGON: Well, shall we go?

VLADIMIR: Yes, let’s go.

– From McSweeney’s

Will Voting Machines Work?

Ken AshfordElection 2006, Science & TechnologyLeave a Comment

Good article in Time:

A woman walked into a polling place in Peoria, Ill. last week and proceeded to use one of the new electronic voting machines set up for early voting. She logged on, went through each contest and seemed to be making her choices. After reviewing each race, the machine checked to see if she was satisfied with her selections and wanted to move on. Each time, she pressed YES, and the machine progressed to the next race. When she was done, a waving American flag appeared on the screen, indicating that her votes had been cast and recorded.

But there was a problem. The woman had not made any choices at all. She had only browsed. Now when she told the election judges she was ready to do it again–but this time actually vote–they told her it was too late. Pressing the last button, they said, is like dropping your ballot in an old-fashioned ballot box. There’s no getting it back.

So what?

So this: In one week, more than 80 million Americans will go to the polls, and a record number of them–90%–will either cast their vote on a computer or have it tabulated that way. When that many people collide with that many high-tech devices, there are going to be problems.

Read the whole thing.

Free Online Discount Coupons

Ken AshfordRandom MusingsLeave a Comment

If you buy online — and more and more people will do that this Christmas than before — you probably have seen those boxes and the "checkout" page where you can enter a "promotional code" or a "coupon code" and get a discount on your purchase.  Sadly, you probably don’t have a code, right?

Fear not.

Retailmenot.com is an online depository of discount codes.  It was just launched, but it is sure to grow.  (It’s done by the same people who started bugmenot.com – the online depository of passwords in case you don’t want to register).

So the next time you go shopping, don’t forget your code!