Red Sox Showing Signs Of Life

Ken AshfordRed Sox & Other SportsLeave a Comment

Yay:

Josh Beckett rebounded from one of the worst outings of his career to pitch six strong innings, David Ortiz hit his 46th homer, and the Boston Red Soxbeat the Los Angeles Angels 2-1 Thursday night to hand rookie Jered Weaver his first loss.

Ooops.  Did I say "signs of life"?  Maybe not:

Ortiz confirmed an Internet report that he spent last Saturday night at Massachusetts General Hospital while an irregular heartbeat was monitored…

RELATED:  I love this:

Frogs2004Former major league pitcher Jim Bouton announced Thursday the launch of an organization that will play by 19th century rules: The Vintage Base Ball Federation. Yup, back then baseball was two words.

It will be six balls for a walk, and a foul ball won’t count as a strike — unless it’s caught, in which case the batter will be out. A foul ball caught on a bounce counts for an out, and a hit batter is only a ball, with no base awarded.

Gloves will be tiny, bat handles will be thick and the ball — that’s right, one ball will be used per game unless it falls apart or is lost — will be dead. There aren’t any pitcher’s mounds, and there’s no such thing as a balk on pickoff attempts.

In a mixture of sport and theater, umpires must be addressed as "sir." Fans — called "cranks" — will be encouraged to wear period costumes, so ladies get out those flowered hats and gentlemen doff your straw boaters.

Barney & “Friends”

Ken AshfordSex/Morality/Family ValuesLeave a Comment

An actual Letter-To-The Editor from The Villiage News (of Fallbrook, CA):

On Tuesday, August 8, I took my family out to Daniel’s for groceries. I have a 6-year-old daughter who learned how to read from the Barney and Friends book series. As we stepped out of the family van, she was very excited to see a Barney movie being advertised on the Daniel’s Market lit sign. She said, “Look, Daddy, a Barney movie!” I couldn’t see it, so she guided my eyes to the vulgar obscenity arranged there on the sign. “Look! Up there! Barney’s p***s!” I was shocked when I saw the words arranged on the sign. I quickly averted her eyes and escorted her into the store.

Since then, she has not stopped mentioning Barney’s p***s. This has shaken the bedrock of our family. I made an emergency call to our church’s pastor about this bombshell in my daughter’s life and he is unsure how it will affect her future.

This sort of sick joke is typical of unlawful teenagers across the country, but I just didn’t think the little town of Fallbrook was home to such hoodlums. I am frightened for my daughter’s future; she won’t stop bringing up this horrible movie title! I would like Daniel’s Market to apologize for traumatizing my daughter, and I would like the pranksters to know just how vile their criminal act was.

"Frightened for my daughter’s future?"

Dude, she’s six.  Maybe if you let it go, so will she.

By the way, if you’re so obsessed with your daughter’s exposure to things, exactly how does your daughter know the word "penis"?

Miss Bin Laden If You’re Nasty

Ken AshfordPopular CultureLeave a Comment

Much snickering lately about the new book by Kola Boof, a woman who claims to have been bin Laden’s sex slave for several years.  She claims, among other things, that Osama was obsessed with Whitney Houston, loved the B-52’s and was more or less fixated on women’s rears.

Now comes word that the book already has "movie deal" on it, with the role of Ms. Boof (bin Laden’s sex slave) possibly being played by …Janet Jackson.

I think I’ll pass.

Unless it’s a comedy.

Or if Philip Seymour Hoffman plays bin Laden.  That would be cool (in a train wreck kind of way).

Didn’t We Resolve This, Like, 50 Years Ago?

Ken AshfordRaceLeave a Comment

Oy:

COUSHATTA — Nine black children attending Red River Elementary School were directed last week to the back of the school bus by a white driver who designated the front seats for white children.

The situation has outraged relatives of the black children who have filed a complaint with school officials.

Necessity Is The Mother Of Silly Inventions

Ken AshfordScience & TechnologyLeave a Comment

Take a gander at some of the stupid inventions that people have come with over at the Delphion Gallery Of Obscure Patents.  Here’s some of my favorite patents actually filed with the U.S. Patent Office:

Us05356330__ US05356330
Apparatus for simulating a ‘high five’

…providing the user with a convenient outlet for the release of excitement.

Us05971829__US05971829
Motorized ice cream cone

…for imparting rotation upon the cup and rotationally feeding its contents against a person’s outstretched tongue.

Us05830035__ US05830035
Toe puppet

…mounted on a single human digit for providing animated motion of a figurine

Us05523741__ US05523741
Santa Claus Detector

… Christmas Stocking device useful for visually signalling the arrival of Santa Claus …

Jesus Loves Mrs. Turner’s Baby More Than Yours

Ken AshfordGodstuffLeave a Comment

We’ve delighted in the appearances of Jeebus and the Blessed Virgin Mary in pasta dishes, burnt toast, tree trunks, water stains, drywall, grilled chess sandwiches, potato chips, and dripped chocolate.

Now, He’s showing up . . . in a womb.  Here’s the ultrasound of Laura Turner of Warwickshire, England:

Sonogod

Now, with all due respect to Mrs. Turner, it’s great that the Our Lord and Savior has manifested himself in your belly.  Well done.

But what does this say about the millions of other pregnant women who don’t have Christ in the uterus?  Has God foresaken their children?  Just wondering…

UPDATE:  Oh, He’s EVERYWHERE!  He’s just like those gremlins in that movie whose name I can’t recall (it began with a "G") — even in our medical equipment!

Why do I say that?  Well, aside from showing up in an ultrasound in England, He is also on an MRI scan in Pittburgh.

Jesusmri

Where will he show up next?  A tomato being sold on e-BayA shrimp in San Jose?

Rove Misleads The American Public

Ken AshfordWar on Terrorism/TortureLeave a Comment

This is the kind of thing that drives me batshit crazy:

TOLEDO, Ohio — Presidential adviser Karl Rove criticized a federal judge’s order for an immediate end to the government’s warrantless surveillance program, saying Wednesday such a program might have prevented the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

Rove said the government should be free to listen if al-Qaida is calling someone within the U.S.

"Imagine if we could have done that before 9/11. It might have been a different outcome," he said.

This type of statement prays on ignorance. 

The facts are quite simple: the government has always been able to listen in on phone calls from al-Qaida to the United States.  There is a law — called FISA — which has been around for three decades (i.e., long before 9/11).  It allows the government to listen in on these conversations.  So, if al-Qaida is calling someone within the United States, all the government has to do is go to a judge a get a warrant.  It takes an hour.  They can even get the warrant after they’ve done the wiretap (within 48 hours).

You know what might have made a difference "before 9/11"?  If Bush had responded to his August 6, 2001 Presidential Daily Briefing memo which said that al-Qaida was determined to attack the United States — specifically, that the FBI had noted patterns indicating possible hijacking attempts and the fact that al-Qaida was surveilling buildings in New York.  But it was August, and Bush was clearing brush in Crawford.

Christian Coalition Is Disintegrating

Ken AshfordGodstuffLeave a Comment

About time, too:

Aug 23, 2006 (AP)— Three disgruntled state affiliates have severed ties with the Christian Coalition of America, one of the nation’s most powerful conservative groups during the 1990s but now buffeted by complaints over finances, leadership and its plans to veer into nontraditional policy areas.

***

The coalition, which claims more than 2 million members, was founded in 1989 by religious broadcaster Pat Robertson and became politically powerful under Executive Director Ralph Reed before he left in 1997. Robertson, who turned over the presidency to Combs in 2002, has been criticized for provocative public statements, while Reed lost an election in Georgia last month after being linked to disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

Jim Backlin, the coalition’s vice president for legislative affairs, said the Reed situation harmed the organization because of heavy media coverage that constantly mentioned his past role with the coalition.

Backlin insisted, however, that the coalition remained influential among conservatives in Congress.

"Many of the congressional offices always look for Christian Coalition support right away when trying to get their bosses’ legislation passed," he said.

On the political left, an activist who monitors conservative organizations said the coalition never recovered from Reed’s departure with its staff and annual budget shrinking.

"They’ve been in free-fall ever since," said Peter Montgomery of the liberal group People for the American Way. "It’s not surprising that local affiliates want to distance themselves from this floundering organization."

Not only corruption, but I think many people — including those on the right now — are fed up with the tension that comes when you mix religion and politics.

It’s Official – Pluto Not A Planet

Ken AshfordScience & TechnologyLeave a Comment

Hst_pluto_charonThere are literally millions of objects orbiting the sun, but some of them are as tiny as your hand.  And some of them, while quite large (i.e., the surface area of the United States, say), are not spherical.  Are those technically "planets"?

You may have heard about the gathering of world’s astronomers in Prague.  Their mission: to define what a "planet" is.

Today, the body of smart people (2,409 of them, from 75 countries) were to vote on this definition of a "planet":

A planet is a celestial body that (a) is in orbit around the Sun, (b) has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape, and (c) has cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit.
A dwarf planet is a celestial body that (a) is in orbit around the Sun, (b) has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape, (c) has not cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit, and (d) is not a satellite.
All other objects orbiting the Sun shall be referred to collectively as "Small Solar System Bodies".

The resolution passed, and Pluto does not fit the definition of a classical planet.  It does, however, fit the definition of a "dwarf planet".

Sorry to shake up your universe like that, but I thought you would like to know.

Plan B Approved

Ken AshfordWomen's IssuesLeave a Comment

This is sure to set the Christian right into fits of apoplexy, but the breaking news off the wires is that Plan B — the "morning after" pill — has been officially approved by the FDA.  It will be available over-the-counter — without a prescription.  However, girls 17 and under will need a doctor’s note in order to purchase the pills.

Welcome To My Party Of Death

Ken AshfordSex/Morality/Family ValuesLeave a Comment

This is one of the best take-downs of Ramesh Ponnuru’s book The Party Of Death that I have read.  Here’s a snippet:

In the seventh chapter of his new book, The Party of Death: The Democrats, the Media, the Courts, and the Disregard for Human Life, Ramesh Ponnuru draws a distinction:

There is a radical difference that separates both an adult human being and a human embryo from a kitten and a sperm cell. The first two are complete, living human organisms and the second two are not. Yet the party of death ignores that basic difference while making a difference of degree — the adult’s greater age and development of his capacities — the basis of a radical difference in treatment. To draw distinctions in this way is to violate the most basic canons of justice.

I think that killing the kitten would be worse than killing the embryo. If you agree, dear reader, you stand beside me in the party of death. We don’t think the lives of all human organisms have equal value. For my part, I hold that moral status depends on the nature of a creature’s mind. This means that the lives of creatures that can think and feel — regardless of their species — are of greater value than the lives of creatures that cannot.

***

According to liberals and other ordinary people, the moral status of something depends on what mental capacities it has. Do as you please with a baseball — it has no mind, and thus no moral status. It’s wrong, however, to beat a dog, because he can feel pain. But since dogs lack the understanding to participate in politics, they have no right to vote. Young humans can’t vote until they’ve reached an age where we can expect mental qualities like maturity, rationality, and political awareness from them. Then they achieve a moral status such that denying them the vote, and many other rights, would be an injustice.

***

[W]e often base rights on continuously variable mental qualities. Two-year-olds don’t have the right to vote because they lack the required rationality, maturity, and political awareness. All of these mental qualities increase on a continuous scale. Testing everyone for these qualities before letting them vote is impractical and open to abuse, so we let people vote when their age allows us to assume that they have these qualities. Determining the beginning of the right to life may be weightier than determining the beginning of the right to vote, but there’s no obvious reason to do it in a radically different way. Birth provides a clear and natural line for the inception of a right to life. It also fits into our general scheme of rights nicely, marking the point when any fetal right to life and a woman’s privacy rights over her body are disentangled. (I’m always baffled by the conservative claim — echoed by Ponnuru — that a woman’s privacy rights aren’t violated when the government forces her to continue growing a fetus inside her uterus. In comparison, the privacy rights a person has over what happens in his home seem trivial and derivative.)

Read the whole thing.

The Incomprehensible War

Ken AshfordIraqLeave a Comment

What Anonymous Liberal says (emphases mine);

It really is incomprehensible. It’s now been over three years since we invaded Iraq, and still, remarkably, no one can say with any certainty why we did it. There’s a tendency among political commentators (and I’m certainly as guilty of this as anyone) to discuss the Bush administration as if it were some monolithic entity, rather than a collection of people with differing priorities and different motives for lining up behind any given policy.

There were no doubt some administration officials–Paul Wolfowitz, for instance–who, from the beginning, subscribed to the neocon fantasy of bringing democracy to the Middle East by force, one country at a time. I suspect others–particularly Donald Rumsfeld–were just eager for the opportunity to test out our new "leaner and meaner" military. Still others–Cheney comes to mind–likely saw Iraq as an opportunity to demonstrate American strength, to, as Michael Ledeen put it, "pick up some small crappy little country and throw it against the wall, just to show we mean business." Karl Rove likely saw the war as an opportunity to further cement the President’s image as a strong wartime leader (he probably had the whole flightsuit/aircraft carrier photo-op planned out well before the invasion). There were clearly other factors at play as well, like Saddam’s supposed WMD, Bush’s desire to finish what his father had started, and the perceived strategic value of Iraq’s oil supply.

To this day it is still not clear, even to those of us who follow politics very closely, which of these various rationales was the "real" reason we went to war. And if it’s unclear to us, it’s really unclear to the average American, who doesn’t have the time (or desire) to wade through all the propaganda. The Bush administration’s public rationale for invading Iraq has gone through any number of iterations over the last three years. But at all points along the way, the message has been muddled and filled with rhetoric designed to confuse people and foster pre-existing misunderstandings.

In the lead up to the invasion, Bush and his surrogates repeatedly conflated Saddam Hussein, al Qaeda, and the events of 9/11, leading a sizable majority of Americans to believe that Saddam was involved in planning the 9/11 attacks. I haven’t seen any recent polling on this question, but I suspect this misunderstanding is still common. After all, a full 50% of Americans still believe that Saddam had WMD.

From the beginning, Bush’s public statements about Iraq have referred cryptically to "terrorists" or "our enemy" or "they," making little, if any, attempt to explain to Americans the differences between Al Qaeda, Sunni Baathists, Shiite militiamen, etc. I suspect that for a great many of those who support the war, the logic behind it has always been pretty simple: "they" attacked us, so now we’re attacking "them." And if that’s what you believe, the Iraq war makes every bit as much sense as the war against Japan in World War II.

We’d all like to assume that most people have a more nuanced understanding of foreign policy, but is there any reason to believe that’s true? I’m not suggesting that Americans are stupid, just that many aren’t really following the plot, so to speak.

But as Iraq descends into civil war, an increasing number of Americans are beginning to see the enormous disconnect between the events of 9/11 and the self-inflicted debacle that is the Iraq War.

This really is an entirely incomprehensible war. No one knows why we’re there. No one knows how to "win." And no one knows how to go about extricating ourselves without causing even more chaos and violence.