What The H***?

Ken AshfordGodstuffLeave a Comment

HellsucksYup, the biblethumpers are trying to be cool again, with hip T-shirts for teens that say things like "Gee/Oh/Dee" across the chest, so that when young boys check out young girls’ boobs in the high school hallway, they actually "see" God.  Get it?

The T-shirt pictured at the right (click to enlarge) is one of the stranger offerings.  The T-shirt that says "hellsucks".  And it’s lower case and one word because that makes it, you know, kewl.

But here’s the strange part: If you go to the Christian website that offers the "hellsucks" T-Shirt, they "bleep" out the word "hell".  In other words, the webpage offers a "H*** sucks" T-shirt.  Check it out.

Okay, someone help me with this.  The word "hell" gets censored, but the word "sucks" doesn’t?

I mean, I may not be the greatest Christian, but why is "hell" a dirty word, but "sucks" not?  This isn’t like bleeping out "God" and making it "G*d", because the reason that is done is because one is not supposed to take the Lord’s name in vain (Deuteronomy 5:11).  But I don’t recall the Bible saying anything about the word "hell" being taken in vain.

And isn’t the word "hell" in the Bible? Like, all over the place?  Why, yes it is — 54 times in the King James version.

But the word "sucks"?  Not once.  (If you are curious, the word "suck" appears 18 times, although always with the literal meaning, rather than the slang or derogatory meaning).

Ah, Christian fundamentalists — they say (and don’t say) the darnedest things.

EXCLUSIVE: An Interview With My New AOL Buddy

Ken AshfordRandom MusingsLeave a Comment

AOL’s instant messenger (AIM) program self-installed two new "buddies" on my buddy list under the heading "AOL BOTS".  My new buddies are named "MovieFone" and "ShoppingBuddy".

Well, I figured if they are new buddies of mine, I better get to know them.  So, armed with a virtual giftbasket, I started an online chat with my new online pal, ShoppingBuddy.  Below is the actual transcript; nothing has been altered, except for minor formatting.

Read More

Proto-language

Ken AshfordRandom MusingsLeave a Comment

Remember learning syntax in grade school?  You know — nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc., and how they all fit together?  You typically learn that every communication has a noun and a verb.  or at least good sentences do.

But, when you think about it, much communication really isn’t that way.  In fact, there are words we use that aren’t really parts of speech.

This is particularly so with swear words.  If I shout "Fuck!", I am probably expressing a thought of anger or surprise that has nothing to do with sexual intercourse (i.e., I’m not issuing a command).  If I say "Damn!" or even "Get into the damn house", my use of that word has nothing to do with the actual desire to damn (i.e., condemn to hell) anything.   Nor, in the second sentence, is "damn" really intended to be an adjective (a shortened version of "damned") to describe the house.  It is simply thrown in there to convey urgency or anger.

In other words, swears seem to fall outside the rules of syntax, and can be simply thrown into sentences randomly to convey a feeling, urgency or emphasis.  In fact, swear words often serve as what are called "infixes" — words that can be inserted in other words.  Like "abso-fucking-lutely".    And note how there is a particular way that we do this.  We never say "ab-fucking-solutely" or "absolut-fucking-ly", but rather, "abso-fucking-lutely".

So what’s going on here?  These examples seem to defy what we learned in school about syntax.

Well, this is what some linguists call proto-language, a throwback to human communication before syntax came into vogue.  Prehistoric man developed words at some point, but syntax came along much later.  So they used proto-language; they would say "meat" and it came to mean an entire thought, like "I am going hunting now."

Anyway, if this is interesting to you (as it obviously is to me), read here.

No You Can’t Have A Pony Update

Ken AshfordBlogging2 Comments

I’m 90% of the way to the conclusion that I’m not as happy as I could be with the "look" of this blog.  My main problem is the color scheme: white text on black blackground.

First of all — stylistically.  I was sort of going for a "classic black" feel, like a cocktail dress or sports car.  But I think the result tends to swing goth, or even morbid, like a hearse.

Second of all — functionally.  White text on black background is, I think, actually pretty hard on the eyes after a while.  Am I right?  (Hey, I write this stuff — I don’t actually read it).

So, when I get the time (yeah, right!), I might make those changes.  I’ll probably leave other things (like the sidebar content and banner) alone, or tweak them in minor ways.  If anyone has any thoughts on this blog’s appearance, leave a comment or send an email.

Oh, yes.  And I’m going to crackdown on my spellling and grammar.  You know, like proofread every once in a while.

From The “Where Are They Now” Files

Ken AshfordPopular CultureLeave a Comment

GaryglitterYou all know who Gary Glitter is, even if you think you don’t. 

He’s the one-trick-pony, sexually ambiguous, glam rocker who wrote the catchy jock rock classic now played at every single goddamn sporting event (except for golf, I suppose, but it wouldn’t surprise me if we start hearing it there soon).

Yes, you know that song.  It’s called ‘Rock and Roll (Part 2)’ (mp3).   The one with a heavy backbeat, and guitars that wail:

Duh-naaaa nah – [crowd yell: HEY!] – duh-na duh-na duh-na

Duh naaaa nah – [crowd yell: HEY!] – duh-na duh-na duh-na

Anyway, he’s been on the run for years.  Something about child molestation and the death penalty.

Did I just ruin that song for you?

Does The Absence Of Fathers Cause ADHD?

Ken AshfordHealth Care, Sex/Morality/Family ValuesLeave a Comment

That’s the question raised by a new book entitled Destructive Trends in Mental Health: The Well-Intentioned Path to Harm.  The authors there assert that ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) might be related to a lack of a positive father figure.  Or more precisely, a lack of a disciplinary father figure.

I’m actually in accord with much conservative thinking on this matter.  Based on my limited experience with kids who supposedly have ADHD, I tend to shy away from the notion that their bahavior is always due to a chemical imbalance, treatable with drugs.  Yeah, that may be the case with many kids — or even most kids — but sometimes I wonder if ADHD isn’t the fallback excuse adopted by embarrassed parents who can’t face the simple truth: their kid is simply an obnoxious brat.

On the other hand, I think the conservative position can be taken too far, to the extent the "family values" people are now trying to debunk ADHD in order to promote "nuclear families" and the need for disciplinary daddies.  From my (again limited) experience, kids who grew up with strong disciplinary fathers have matured to become, well, kind of chauvenistic dicks and macho shitheads.

I don’t know.  I have more to say on this topic, but there’s a bright shiny object on my desk.  Look!

I Kinda Hate It When Better Bloggers Say What I’ve Been Thinking

Ken AshfordIraqLeave a Comment

… but on the other hand, it means I don’t have to type as much.

Here’s Josh Marshall:

Some of the White House jabs against their critics these days are so fatuous and simple-minded that it’s hard not to step back every so often and wonder if they’re even serious.

One of the silliest goes like this. We invaded because Iraq was "a threat". And all the Democrats agree that Iraq was "a threat". And, heck, here’s this quote from Bill Clinton saying that Saddam was "a threat". So clearly everyone agreed with the president. So what’s the problem?

Perhaps it seems like I’m oversimplifying the argument. But I really must plead its inherently moronic nature.

Sure, lots of people thought Iraq was a threat. But North Korea is a very serious threat. And we haven’t invaded North Korea. And Iran’s no bed of roses either. But we haven’t invaded Iran, though I guess perhaps I shouldn’t speak too soon.

Right on.  But (after a while), he really echoes what has been in my head for ages:

Garden variety lying is knowing it’s Y and saying it’s X — Lyndon Johnson at the Gulf of Tonkin. This is a much deeper indifference to factual information in itself.

People ask me sometimes whether I think the president thought Saddam did have big stockpiles of WMD or whether he knew Saddam didn’t and lied about it. Or the same with Iraq’s alleged links to al Qaida. This even leads to a sort of inverted conspiracy theorizing when people ask, "If he knew there was no WMD, why didn’t they at least try to plant some to avoid the catastrophic embarrassment which ensued after the war."

The real answer, I think, is as banal as it is devastating: I don’t think they ever gave it much thought — not in the sense of trying to get to the heart of the matter. A lawyer assembles a case. Whether his client is innocent or not is sort of beside the point. He’s trying to get him acquitted. Very similar here. The point was to invade. Non-conventional weapons made it a real possibility. A connection to 9/11 would make it a slam dunk. Some of each might get you just past the goal line. And if that didn’t something else might.

This is why there was the bum’s rush for the inspections process. I’m sure they figured there were some chemical weapons to be found somewhere. But why take the chance that there weren’t, or more likely, why take the chance there wouldn’t be enough? That would defeat the whole purpose.

The emphasis is mine, and that’s the part I’m keen on. 

Bush didn’t approach this war as an impartial man.  He was an advocate for a position he had already taken.  As such, like a lawyer, he marshalled evidence which favored him and presented it as "the truth". 

This is not inherently BAD — after all, being a lawyer (and taking a position) is how I earn MY living.  But here’s the difference: I work within a system which permits some other lawyer to take a contrary position.  And the rules of evidence require us to exchange all our evidence — favorable and unfavorable — to the other side.  That way, everybody walks into court with the same hand.  And hopefully, with the two advocates taking contrary positions on the evidence, the TRUTH (which typically lies somewhere in the middle) will out.

The Bush Administration troubles me — not for the position they took — but for the disservice they engaged in by not revealing all the evidence.  They turned over intelligence to Congress and the American people, but only in a perversely skewed way which favors the decision the Administration had already made.  It didn’t have the adversarial protections that make our judicial system work.  So, of COURSE many elected officials and citizenry came down "in favor of" the Iraq invasion.  The deck was stacked that way from the get-go.   Intentionally.

Josh calls this a "toxic approach to governance".  That is it exactly.

And indeed, had there actually been WMDs in Iraq, or an actual Saddam-alQaeda link, the American people wouldn’t have felt bamboozled by the White House’s slight-of-hand (even though, technically, we were bamboozled anyway).  But the Bush Administration took that risk — or more probably, ignored the risk — that their prevarifications about Iraq’s threat would be confirmed.  It backfired.  And the only people who should suffer ramifications for that — politically speaking — are them, not the so-called "naysayers" and critics.

An Open Letter To Michelle Malkin

Ken AshfordRight Wing Punditry/Idiocy1 Comment

Dear Michelle:

I understand that you are going around doing a book tour to promote your book about how "unhinged" liberals are.

Good for you, girl.  You keep plugging away.  Don’t be discouraged by the fact that your book (currently ranked #136 at Amazon) has consistently been outsold by Al Franken’s book (currently ranked #26 at Amazon), even though they both came out at the same time, and even though Al Franken himself is one of the "unhinged" left about whom you often write.

Don’t be discouraged that your little book tour is running into a tough time, even here in rural red state North Carolina.

The reason I write to you now is because I think you better check in on your blog when you get the chance.  You left it in control of "guest bloggers", and I think they are conspiring to undermine your efforts to show that liberals are "unhinged".  I think they are trying to make you look silly.

To wit, this post by your guest blogger, Brian Maloney, entitled "Evil Regimes Set To Topple?"

Maloney’s title refers to two specific countries "with rogue, corrupt and repressive regimes that don’t know when to cut their losses and leave town".  He speculates, with glee, that these two "evil regimes" might topple soon.

He’s not talking about North Korea, Darfur, Iran, or any of those places.

He’s talking about Cuba (which is fair enough) and . . .

um . . .

Canada.

You know, Canada.  That’s a rogue, corrupt, oppressive and evil regime to the North.

I’m pretty flexible to a wide variety of opinions that happen to differ with mine.  But isn’t calling Canada an "evil regime" a little — oh, what’s the word I’m looking for — "unhinged"?

Anyway, I thought I would bring this to your attention.

Kisses.

Dumb Question

Ken AshfordIraq, Right Wing Punditry/IdiocyLeave a Comment

Captain’s Quarters asks:

When will Democrats get through their head that our military comes under civilian control? This isn’t Starship Troopers, where only veterans make decisions on war and peace, and most Americans wouldn’t want to live in that kind of society. All due respect to Murtha’s Viet Nam service, but being an enlisted man in Viet Nam doesn’t make him the reincarnation of von Clausewitz, either. Dick Cheney has served as a Secretary of Defense and has his own expertise on military matters…

Well, let’s be clear.  Murtha was more than an "enlisted man" in Vietnam.  He led a brigade.  he was a leader.  And a decorated hero.

But that aside, there is something to what the Captain writes.  Being an enlisted man in Vietnam doesn’t make anyone the reincarnation of von Clausewitz. 

But I think AVOIDING service in Vietnam — as Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, and most of the Iraq architects did — doesn’t exactly make you von Clausewitz either.

In fact, who wants to bet?  Who is more likely to have even READ von Clausewitz?  Bush?  Or Murtha?  I don’t even the most staunch Bush supporter will take that bet.

And finally, the big question: What happened to all the people who thought that Clinton couldn’t serve as commander-in-chief because he avoided Vietnam?  Where do THEY come down on this issue?  Show of hands anyone?

Consensus And Majority

Ken AshfordIraq, Right Wing Punditry/IdiocyLeave a Comment

Only days ago, the folks at Redstate said that what the majority believed regarding WMDs supports the argument that Bush never mislead the country:

The Democrats hope that by rewriting the history of how we decided to liberate Iraq they will convince the left wing extremist that they only voted to use force against Iraq because they were not told the truth. The consensus that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction formed in the Clinton administration. The consensus was more than evident in 1998, when President Clinton was threatening to attack Iraq.

In other words, the majority believed something; therefore, it must be true.

Of course, the problem with that appeal-to-majority logic (aside from its obvious fallaciousness) is that it cuts against conservatives, if the majority view now is that Bush lied.

Not to fear.  Redstate has that covered to.  In a flip-flop of logic, they now argue that what the majority of people believe is irrelevant:

On and on and on about the fact that a majority of people believe that Bush misled the country into war. Apparently, this is supposed to be proof that Bush did in fact mislead the country into war.

I don’t really know what to say about this, except that I find this sudden affinity for public perception polls by the defeatists intriguing.

So public perceptions can be used to support a political position, but only when the public perception is pro-Bush.

Noted.

JoeBill McO’reillyArthy

Ken AshfordRight Wing and Inept Media, Right Wing Punditry/IdiocyLeave a Comment

OreillyblacklistLots of laughter being directed at Fox’s Bill O’Reilly lately.

It all started when super-patriot O’Reilly announced that he would have no problem with a terrorist attack on a major American city, namely San Francisco.  Here’s what he said to that city:

"[I]f Al Qaeda comes in here and blows you up, we’re not going to do anything about it. … You want to blow up the Coit Tower? Go ahead."

You can hear the clip here.

That caused a bit of an uproar.  O’Reilly defended his statement by saying it was not controversial [oh, really?], and that his comments had a serious point: "Why should the USA protect San Fran from terrorists?"  (See graphic above)

Anyone want to answer that?  Why should the USA protect San Fran from terrorists?  Anyone?  Bueller?  Bueller?

[Essay question: Speculate on what O’Reilly’s reaction would be if that same question had come from the lips of, say, Michael Moore or Jane Fonda]

[Extra credit:  Name, if you can, any member of the so-called "liberal media" who advocated the wiping out of an American city.  (HINT: This may be a trick question)]

Anyhoo…

While not retracting his ludicriously offensive question, O’Reilly cowardly blamed the kerfuffle on "far left Internet smear sites", and promised to list all those "far left Internet smear sites" on his website, billoreilly.com.

Since then, there’s been a scramble to be included on O’Reilly’s "blacklist" (which has yet to be published on his website, as promised).  Getting on that list has become a badge of honor.

Arianna Huffington has just made it easier.

Highly Recommended Reading

Ken AshfordIraqLeave a Comment

This escaped me, but I’m glad it came across my transom.

[UPDATE: But Juan Cole’s excellant piece didn’t — read it too.]

From August 3, 2005, William Odom (retired Army General, and the head of the National Security Agency in the Reagan Administration) deconstructs the arguments against pulling out of Iraq.  The piece is entitled "What’s Wrong With Cutting And Running?"

He starts off by listing all the reasons that are typically given for "staying the course" in Iraq:

Here are some of the arguments against pulling out:

1) We would leave behind a civil war.

2) We would lose credibility on the world stage.

3) It would embolden the insurgency and cripple the move toward democracy.

4) Iraq would become a haven for terrorists.

5) Iranian influence in Iraq would increase.

6) Unrest might spread in the region and/or draw in Iraq’s neighbors.

7) Shiite-Sunni clashes would worsen.

8) We haven’t fully trained the Iraqi military and police forces yet.

9) Talk of deadlines would undercut the morale of our troops.

He then takes them apart, one by one.  Here’s a smattering:

1) On civil war. Iraqis are already fighting Iraqis. Insurgents have killed far more Iraqis than Americans. That’s civil war. We created the civil war when we invaded; we can’t prevent a civil war by staying. 

For those who really worry about destabilizing the region, the sensible policy is not to stay the course in Iraq.

***

3) On the insurgency and democracy. There is no question the insurgents and other anti-American parties will take over the government once we leave. But that will happen no matter how long we stay. Any government capable of holding power in Iraq will be anti-American, because the Iraqi people are increasingly becoming anti-American.

***

4) On terrorists. Iraq is already a training ground for terrorists. In fact, the CIA has pointed out to the administration and congress that Iraq is spawning so many terrorists that they are returning home to many other countries to further practice their skills there.

***

9) On not supporting our troops by debating an early pullout. Many US officers in Iraq, especially at company and field grade levels, know that while they are winning every tactical battle, they are losing strategically. And according to the New York Times last week, they are beginning to voice complaints about Americans at home bearing none of the pains of the war. One can only guess about the enlisted ranks, but those on a second tour – probably the majority today – are probably anxious for an early pullout. It is also noteworthy that US generals in Iraq are not bubbling over with optimistic reports they way they were during the first few years of the war in Vietnam. Their careful statements and caution probably reflect serious doubts that they do not, and should not, express publicly. The more important question is whether or not the repressive and vindictive behavior by the secretary of defense and his deputy against the senior military — especially the Army leadership, which is the critical component in the war — has made it impossible for field commanders to make the political leaders see the facts.

Where’s Richard Lederer* When You Need Him?

Ken AshfordRandom MusingsLeave a Comment

I was reading a post somewhere talking about the "Murtha foofaraw".

What’s that word?  "Foofaraw"? 

Is that how it’s spelled?  Isn’t it something like "falderol"?  Or is that something else?  Have I been saying it wrong all these years?  What’s the etymology?

Okay, maybe it’s time for a refresher course:

  • It’s a "dog EAT dog world", not a "doggie dog world"
  • It’s "for all intents and purposes", not "for all intensive purposes"
  • It’s always "regardless"; never "irregardless" (which isn’t a word)
  • Yes, we all know that "flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing.  Deal with it.
  • The opposite of "progress" is "regress", not "congress" — and that joke wasn’t funny or clever anyway [Hat tip: Jon Stewart]
  • He’s singing "revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night", not whatever you think he’s singing

* This guy

Sons Save Mom Overseas With Webcam

Ken AshfordScience & TechnologyLeave a Comment

As a lad growing up in the 1970’s, I simply assumed that by the year 2000, we would all own flying cars. 

We don’t, and I’m kinda pissed about that.

But the new technology of the past 10-20 years  is still pretty interesting.  Or so I think when I read stories like this:

A Web camera in a Norwegian artist’s living room in California allowed her sons in Norway and the Philippines to see that she had collapsed and call for help, one of the sons said Friday.

Karin Jordal, 69, collapsed Thursday in her living room in Pinon Hills, California, and was motionless on a couch when her son Tore in the Philippines checked in through the Internet.

"He tried to call her, and got no answer," Tore’s brother, Ole Jordal, said by telephone from the western Norway city of Bergen. "He had also tried to call the police and ambulances (in California) but couldn’t get through."

Ole Jordal said his brother then called him in Norway, as he and his wife, Tammy, originally from Long Island, New York, were having breakfast.

"My wife is American and she knew exactly whom to call for help," he said. "It took five or 10 minutes for the ambulance personnel to arrive."

He said the family was on the verge of tears when they watched on the Web camera as ambulance personnel assisted their diabetic mother, who is recovering in the Desert Valley Hospital in California.

"I thank that camera and my sons for my life," Karin Jordal told the Norwegian newspaper Bergens Tidende by telephone from her hospital bed.

Murtha-Lovin’

Ken AshfordIraqLeave a Comment

Drum reports:

I don’t know if this is a Walter Cronkite moment or anything, but conservative Democrat John Murtha has decided that things are going so badly in Iraq that we need to withdraw now. Not on a timetable. Now.

Shakes’ Sister asks:

All I want to know is why a former marine and Vietnam veteran with over 30 years of service as a congressman hates America?

In her sarcasm, she’s right.  Check out this guy’s resume:

He learned about military service from the bottom up, beginning as a raw recruit when he left Washington and Jefferson College in 1952 to join the Marines out of a growing sense of obligation to his country during the Korean War. There he earned the American Spirit Honor Medal, awarded to fewer than one in 10,000 recruits. He rose through the ranks to become a drill instructor at Parris Island and was selected for Officer Candidate School at Quantico, Virginia. He then was assigned to the Second Marine Division, Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. In 1959, Captain Murtha took command of the 34th Special Infantry Company, Marine Corps Reserves, in Johnstown. He remained in the Reserves after his discharge from active duty until he volunteered for Vietnam in 1966-67, receiving the Bronze Star with Combat "V", two Purple Hearts and the Vietnamese Cross of Gallantry.

As promised, the Bush Administration attacked Murtha (a conservative Democrat), equating him to Michael Moore (aka "The Michael Moore Gambit" — see page 4, paragraph 7, of the GOP Attack Playbook)

Murtha was unflinching:

Murtha