BY JAMES HANNAHAM Unfeeling Uncaring Judging Screaming (UUJS) Lurking Touching Hurting Regretting (UTHR) Lying Denying Confessing Lying (LDCL) Smoking Dancing Laughing Fucking (SDLF) Moping Whining Crying Leaping (MWCL) Loving Buying Owing Impoverishing (LBOI) Hating Marrying Abusing Divorcing (HMAD) Running Swimming Boxing Fencing (RSBF) Writing Drinking Drinking Drinking (WDDD) Opening Sniffing Tasting Questioning (OSTQ) Eating Sleeping Videogame Playing (ESVP)
Deadspin Wins The Internet
Deadspin is the news organization that broke the story (which I'm not writing about) regarding Notre Dame player Manti Te'o and his non-existent girlfriend. The reason why I say they "win the Internet" is not because of their groundbreaking story, but because of this twitter exchange: followed by….
I Say Robert Wagner Clocked Her With An Oar
… but I can't prove it. Anyway, they've exhumed Natalie Wood and amended her death certificate: Questions about bruises on the body of actress Natalie Wood, whose body was found floating off Catalina Island in 1981, led the Los Angeles County coroner's office to change the cause of death from "accidental drowning" to "drowning and other undetermined factors." "With the … Read More
White House Responds To Death Star Petition
Someone has a great sense of humor: This Isn't the Petition Response You're Looking For By Paul Shawcross The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn't on the horizon. Here are a few reasons: The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We're working hard to … Read More
The First OMG?
This letter, circa 1917, was from British Admiral James Fisher to Winston Churchill (once First Lord of the Admiralty), and may have been the first OMG in recorded history. LOL.
Snoopy To Sail Across The Atlantic
Today, November 27th,a miniature boat was launched in hopes of being the first unmanned craft to (intentionally) cross the Atlantic. Robin Lovelock is a retired NATO scientist and the creator of this project. He believes the vessel will have to navigate 6,000 miles via GPS to make it from the coastal village Barton on Sea, England. Lovelock has a website where you … Read More
Commies Bite Down Hard On Onion
The People’s Daily Online, the mouthpiece of China’s Communist Party, has fallen for a satirical article in the Onion proclaiming North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un the “Sexiest Man Alive for 2012.” The report credulously quotes the Onion’s endorsement: With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob is every woman’s dream come true. Blessed with an air of power … Read More
Helen Lays Down The Rules
Eighty-six year old Helen Philpot of Margaret and Helen has some rules for her family this Thanksgiving: Dear Family, I’m not dead yet. Thanksgiving is still important to me. If being in my Last Will and Testament is important to you, then you might consider being with me for my favorite holiday. Dinner is at 2:00. Not 2:15. Not 2:05. … Read More
It’s Thanksgiving, and Time For An Annual Tradition
That "annual tradition" being, of course, the showing of this infamous TV interview with Governor Sarah Palin. She pardons a turkey, and then, as she gets interviewed, turkeys get slaughtered in the background.
